[lilbitbroken]

I've been told by all my friends that I'm right in my thinking, but I guess I'm just worried since they know this gal they're biased. So here it is. My "friend" that dumped me on my butt (as written about in my other question) is pissed because I finally told her how I feel about some of her life choices. Now I've already admitted an apologized like 100 time for how I went about telling her. I'd written on my live journal a couple of times when I was frustrated with her. I'd locked them in a diary type mode where I was the only one who could see them. Well after once again being told that I'm so well off, or she thinks so, fianancially by a friend of ours, I decide enough is enough. I'm tired of saying nothing while she lives in a dream world. So here's the scoop. My friend decided after a run of really ty boyfriends, that the only person she was ever going to find who would truly love her is this guy she first dated back in high school. So she moves clear to another state leaving all her family and friends behind so that she could be with him. One thing leads to another, she ends up pregnant, he looses his job, they end up back here locally. Well after about 4 months or so, she has her baby. She then finds out in less than 24 hours that despite the test coming back negative, her son has downs-syndrome. In seemingly no time she has overcome this news and things are great. She is learning everything she can about this condition and what problems she might face as a result. She gets him started in therapy for speech and motor skills almost right off. After her turned 1, and things are progressing really well with her little boy (he's not at "normal" speed, but he's doing excellent for a child with this condition), she and her husband decide that they're going to try and have another child. For years it goes on month after month she gets her hopes up and then it all goes to hell. And she'd devistated. Then when that wasn't enough she starts going in to seek medical help to conceive, and gets fertility medication. Ok, so far sound OK right? Here's the thing. She doesn't work and her husband barely makes over minimum wage. They have no health insurance on her or her husband, and only because of his disability does her son have insurance. They have no life insurance on either of them. There's no renters insurance on the ty trailer that they live in. She can't afford to have the proper mainanece done on the cars that they've bought (buy one, pay it off in a few years, then it needs work, they trade it in on another car). They're using almost all of the money they get from SSI to run their household finances. They live off their credit card the rest of the time. Both her and her husband are overweight, until recently both smoked (she quit, but we'll see for how long), they have no savings. She es about how much pull-ups cost cause her 5 year old isn't potty trained yet. She sits and goes to second hand stores to buy his cloths cause she can't see spending $12 on a pair of Wal-Mart jeans. She sits and tells me that she's entitled to the money she gets from SSI cause her husband pays taxes too. But they get all that money each month plus a bigger tax return than I ever do. She's made it clear that if she gets pregnant again, she'll use a medical coupon to pay for the pre-natal care and the birth. She scrapes by from month to month, but has cable TV, internet, and cell phones. Now I have to ask it... Does this sound like someone who should be trying to have another kid? Not to mention, being as all of this is just the facts, no opinion on my part, wouldn't you want one of your friends to stand up and tell you, hey you need to stop and take a good hard look at what you're doing before you bankrupt your family? Or would you get pissed off and throw 14 years of friendship away? And in the end of all of it, she asked my boyfriend (who she's also known for some time) if this was going to affect his and her friendship? Wanted to know that they could still be friends? This was right after he sat and watched me have a complete melt down because of all the nasty things she said to me... So am I right? Is she making a mistake walking down this road? Was I right to finally tell her how I feel and where I see her going wrong? She said I made her question everything in her life, who she could trust, made her question herself. She said I stabbed her in the back... Thoughts?

[starbuck8]

You know, I may have answered your question, but PLEASE people, use structured sentences and paragraphs!

I don't even know what your question is about, because it gave me a headache just looking at one continuous sentence without any breaks. You will not get many worthwhile answers this way.

Thank you.

[SweetDee]

I can understand your upset and I feel your surprise in the way your honesty went down with your friend. Sometimes honesty is not the best policy... or at the very least being completely forthcoming. There are ways of delivering some truths that are all about choosing what is necessary to really say to her... being sensitive and SELECTIVE with your honesty.

She has so much on her "plate"... it must be so overwhelming to know that this "down" Baby boy of hers has so much work to do ahead of him...

Who wouldn't want the opportunity to have another healthy baby...

... Or all the other bells and whistles one spoils themselves with in this day and age.

Has she gone about this honestly? Definitely NOT!

You think she's not aware of that? She is... she just doesn't care. It seems to me that she's scrambling for all the things that other people have who do work for it..

She SHOULD stop taking from the tax payers and her man should work like every other respectable tax payer, but she comes across like a taker... she sounds like she's broken right now and that maybe she feels like the world OWES HER a living.

IN a perfect world we all would do the right thing... be respectable and be able to be honest with our broken friends... but it's been MY experience that they just don't want to hear it..

Many friendships will be lost this way.

Did you really expect her to thank you for your great insite?