[J_9]

This is another I copied and pasted, I just thought it was cute since I have had all of these.

THANKS


I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. Oh, and don't forget this one either!

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.



If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

New Study

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late

[aqua@home]

LOL... I got that one a couple of weeks ago and sent it to everyone. I thought it just hit the spot. 144,000 people... he he he...

[J_9]

I hope we hit the 14,000 people mark Aqua.

[dcx]

Oh no.. It`ll 5pm soon and I got 143,999 more leters to send!!

[ScottGem]

They forgot:

I have no money because I sent it to this Nigerian who is going to share the huge bank account of some person with me. :)

BTW, I just yelled at my brother for sending me my umpteenth copy of the Microsoft/AOL e-mail tracking note. That was sure 103% ;)

On a more serious note. To anyone who gets any of these or similar e-mail scams, PLEASE check them out at www.snopes.com before they waste their friends time forwarding the garbage.

[J_9]

Great point about Snopes.

Sending money to Nigerians is wrong? Oh, no, better call the bank! LOL

I have gotten them from Africa also.

Uh Oh, this post wa my 666th, something bad is going to happen if no one posts within the next 5 minutes.

[Here_To_Help- Jon]

JJ - funny stuff - I delete most of them so fast that I wasn't aware there were so many thing to be afraid of. I like this variant of these:

I get a porn related email from a college student... click here to see me, touch me etc etc etc. I reply... How is school? What classes are you taking? Have you met any nice people?. :)

[RickJ]

j_9, aren't you also boycotting all Proctor and Gamble products because the Pres. Of the Co. is a Satan Worshipper? You do know, didn't you, that their logo is a Satanic symbol? :p

[valinors_sorrow]

What cookies? :rolleyes:

(Psssst, I am just baiting Maggie here cos' he thinks I turn every thread into an eating event! :p )