This is another I copied and pasted, I just thought it was cute since I have had all of these.

THANKS


I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. Oh, and don't forget this one either!

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.



If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day...

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New Study

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late

LOL... I got that one a couple of weeks ago and sent it to everyone. I thought it just hit the spot. 144,000 people... he he he...

I hope we hit the 14,000 people mark Aqua.

Oh no.. It`ll 5pm soon and I got 143,999 more leters to send!!

They forgot:

I have no money because I sent it to this Nigerian who is going to share the huge bank account of some person with me. :)

BTW, I just yelled at my brother for sending me my umpteenth copy of the Microsoft/AOL e-mail tracking note. That was sure 103% ;)

On a more serious note. To anyone who gets any of these or similar e-mail scams, PLEASE check them out at www.snopes.com before they waste their friends time forwarding the garbage.

Great point about Snopes.

Sending money to Nigerians is wrong? Oh, no, better call the bank! LOL

I have gotten them from Africa also.

Uh Oh, this post wa my 666th, something bad is going to happen if no one posts within the next 5 minutes.

JJ - funny stuff - I delete most of them so fast that I wasn't aware there were so many thing to be afraid of. I like this variant of these:

I get a porn related email from a college student... click here to see me, touch me etc etc etc. I reply... How is school? What classes are you taking? Have you met any nice people?. :)

j_9, aren't you also boycotting all Proctor and Gamble products because the Pres. Of the Co. is a Satan Worshipper? You do know, didn't you, that their logo is a Satanic symbol? :p

What cookies? :rolleyes:

(Psssst, I am just baiting Maggie here cos' he thinks I turn every thread into an eating event! :p )