[azg5009]

You will feel like this until you really truly realize you deserve better. Everyone will tell you "you deserve better, screw him," but it is not going to be better until you believe it yourself

One day you will wake up and see. My boyfriend of three years and I just broke up last week and it is awful. I took me a week of terrible morings and days to be a little bit more at peace. I still cry randomly, but the faster you realize these things YOURSELF. Then it will come together.

[walligattor]

Hi Fiona84,

Try to do all the simple activities that can make you happy. Be a bit more selfish. Share fun time with your best friends and your familly, practice sport, enjoy the life as you did before him. After about 2 months, you can start to figure what went wrong in your previous relationship.

Be strong and happy ;)

[gromitt82]

Thanks to Talaniman for his comment. Quite undeserved, too! As for Fiona, let me just tell her I have been married with my one and only wife (still by my side) for 58 solid years. As you can imagine, we have gone through all kind of ups and dows, but we have managed to raise 4 children and help raising 7 grandchildren. Love IS a very difficult game to play with.
Particularly, when one tend to confuse -as so often happens now- love with sex. Sex does not last long. Only until your curiosity is fully satisfied... But love can last, through fair and stormy weather, as the song goes, for as long as you live! I know... And with this kind of love sex can be just a touch of her hands or a light kiss on your forehead! As little as that, as simple as that and as much as that...

[fiona84]

Hey I just want to say thanks for all the advice I've gotten from everyone hear. If it wasn't for this site I don't know how I would have got through my horrible breakup. I just want to let everyone who is going through it I completely know how you feel. I never thought I was going to get over my ex boyfriend. I cried all the time even up to as little as a week ago. I was hurt angry upset I thought I was going to die and never get over him. My life was obsessing with ways how to get him back.

It was the weirdest thing but one day I woke up and was over him. I don't know how it happened really but I just didn't care if he had a new girlfriend or what he was doing or if he was ever going to call me again. In fact I hope he never does! I realized caring about someone who doesn't care about you is not worth the energy. He moved on so why should I be sitting around wasting my time crying over him. I started working out and got a really great job and I couldn't be happier. I really think a big part of me not letting go was because I wasn't happy with myself. I made him the reason for my happiness and that is just stupid. I got my confidence back and that made me see what a good person I really am, and Im worth more than settling for someone who treated me like that. As crazy as it sounds I'm thankful to him for hurting me like that, if I was still with him I never would have had the drive to turn my life around like I did.

Sorry for rambling on like an idiot, but basically no matter how much you think you can't live without that other person you can. If I did it I think everyone hear can too. Every time you feel yourself getting upset just think about your ex, they are prob not obsessing and crying over you so don't give them the satisfaction of doing it for them. Also I know everyone says it but NC is the best way to go I wish I would have did it since day one of my breakup. I think they know in the back of their minds they are not going back with you, but they use you to get over the breakup until they find someone new to replace you. Good luck to everyone and just remember you are worth more than what your exes are giving you.

[friend4u178]

Good for you Fiona :)

Good post too!!

[JBeaucaire]

Excellent advice, and well done.

[Ithappenstoall]

Ramble on, you do a great job at doing it :). You are absolutely right and it is great to see that you are doing fine. It is funny how you sometimes forget what you are truly worth and realize that you are worth more than your so called "other half". Once you do it is easy to move on and every now and then when you have that moment of weakness, just like you said remember about your ex and how they don't care or remmber a particular moment when they would drive you crazy and you couldn't take that anymore.

Bottom line, Good stuff Fiona ;)

[talaniman]

Great post, and glad the healing is making your life better.

[GDArtist]

My boyfriend of 4 months has just become legally divorced, as of last Friday. I didn't cause the divorce... and it was going on long before I came into the picture... he says I fell out of heaven and landed in the seat behind him... We met sitting to close together, in an old town bar...

He took me on our first real date after his divorce was final... Saturday night, and he seemed distant... went to a dinner and a movie... and still a bit distant... and we went back to his house... fell asleep on his couch with him, he got up and went to bed... didn't ask me to come, he said I looked comfortable there. I came to bed, he was reading... thought that was weird.. but maybe not. I couldn't sleep at 4 in the morning (his earlier behavior perplexed me) so I went back out on the couch. He fixed me breakfast, and we made love, and he made me cry during it because of what he said! I am so close to this man, yet feel he isn't there... with me... but then I do... he says I make him crazy... I have given him the chance - numerous times... to go get space, date around, says he doesn't want too... he told me he would be on my doorsteps... if I did that.

I want the fairy tale, he is the fairy tale... He can't give it to me at this time - I am very impatient at times... He just called me... he calls all the time. And he seems so awesome at times, is it me? Am I not handling myself well? Help...

[liz28]

Maybe he might be feeling down due to his divorce. You never know and he might need time to cope. Maybe you should him some space and not expect too much for him.

[chuff]

He just got divorced. He doesn't really want to jump into something new, but at the same time he wants to have somebody around so he isn't alone.

[kp2171]

The man is newly divorced. It SHOULD have him rattled and off balance if marriage means anything to him.

Give the guy a break.

It could be very well that he thinks highly of you AND that he isn't ready to jump with both feet in.

I get you like him.

But if you cannot give him some room to get himself centered, there's no future here.

[rankrank55]

I agree with kp here. Be there for the guy but let him be... I'm sure he is a bit down and maybe even a little confused at the moment. It sounds like he genuinely likes you, so don't sweat it. He will appreciate you NOT pressuring and questioning him at this point in his life.

[talaniman]

Red Flags- He is a stranger, and your investing too much, to fast, into someone you don't know, and by your own words, you have some very unrealistic expectations of this stranger..

The kicker, he is still freshly divorced and needs a lot of time and space, to heal and get healthy.

I sure wouldn't advise putting all your time, and attention into this, nor let him solve his fear of being alone, with you either.

You need to keep it casual, and not stop living your own life, without him in it.

[GDArtist]

Thank you for your responses... I will pay heed. I need to be cautious... maybe even back away. How do you do that graciously?
He said he'd be on my doorstep, if I did... any advice? Thanks again so much for the help... :)

[talaniman]

Just don't be available, and be busy with OTHER things in your life.

If he shows up on your doorstep, that's not good, nor mature, and is a red flag as to hios character and behavior. I mean healthy, well adjusted guys, talk to people honestly, not act like they don't have good sense.

[GDArtist]

But why does he make me cry so easy?? We are doing wonderfully... he is taking me out... on dates.. coming to see me when I show homes... we are so close... his divorce was final 2 weeks ago... we are so close! It's wonderful... wine at night with popcorn, watching football games to old movies... he even invited me over to be with his friends... to be with his other buddies and their wives Saturday night.. that was huge. Sunday we spend the evening together.. he said he thinks about me non-stop... from morning till night... Then... this morning... out of the clear blue sky... after we spent the evening together last night... we had so much fun... this morning he said Julie, I don't know if I could ever live with you, or get married again... I started crying. Help. It's honestly all about timing. He isn't ready... I am. He probably can sense this tremendously. I maybe said the wrong things... he said to me driving to KC, Julie what are you thinking... I told him... I only want to be with him... that I've turned down 4 men to be with you... because I believe in you. Did I mess up? I do believe we will work this all out... he loves me, but hasn't said it yet. Someone please tell me to chill, and to stop crying!! lol
Help.

[southerngalps]

Just give it a little time. He just got divorced. I completely understand what you are going through. My boyfriend just recently passed. We were together for four years. When we got together he was legally separated for a year. The divorce wasn't final until February of '07. We shouldn't have jumped into a relationship, but we couldn't stay apart. There was so much baggage on his end with the divorce and all, but he never wanted to let me go. You can see that he cares for you by his actions. He may be just saying these things because he is scared of falling in love again. Just remember a divorce is not an easy thing. He is probably an emotional wreck. Be there for him, comfort him. He will come around. You do say he loves you. Remember that.

[GDArtist]

I am so sorry your boyfriend passed... that is horrible. God Bless you... thank you for your kind words. I feel so bad about today, but he just wrote (text) me a bit ago, and said he made it home... he made a day trip to KC, he wanted to take me but I am so busy with my business, he decided another time. So I guess I am still in his heart. Thank you again for your kind words... am sorry for your loss...

[talaniman]

Relax, and give the guy time to get his own feelings straight, and celebrate his divorce being final.

Stop crying, as what's the hurry?? Now the real fun can begin.

Don't ruin it by getting ahead of yourself, or carried away by your feelings.