Check out some similar questions!

skittles001 · Oct 16, 2008, 02:13 PM

Just 3 short days ago, my life started to crash. My Husband and I were so excited to have our son. But it was not meant to be. I began bleeding 5 days ago, cramping 3 days ago, and yesterday, it ended. I am no longer pregnant, and just can't seem to cope. I stayed at my mothers house for a week and just came home tonight. I keep finding myself looking into "The babys Room". I don't even like being here seeing it so empty. I feel Like a half of a person, empty. Like all my life energy has been sucked form my very soul. I don't know how to cope, me and my husband haven't really talked about it, we can't seem to find the right words... Please if anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you all in advance for reading. :'(

twinkiedooter · Oct 16, 2008, 05:29 PM

I am sorry about your loss. Sometimes some things are not meant to be. My mother lost a boy that she so desparately wanted in July. Then she conceived me in September and I was born in June. She told me that it was love at first sight with me. We were very close until she died 10 years ago. She told me over and over again that she guesses she was not meant to have a son but a wonderful, loving daughter instead.

Death is part of life. You will have another child, not to take the place of the one you lost, but one that was meant to be your child. Maybe your real child was not ready to come into your life just yet, but will appear soon when the time is right. Possibly there was something wrong physically that the child decided to "go" back and not be born just yet. It is not your fault. It is not your husband's fault. Right now it's much too soon to do much except grieve over your loss.

I lost a son shortly after he was born. He only lived a few days. It did take me quite a while to recover, but I did.

I now have a wonderful, loving son who will be 25. We are very close. Apparently this is the child I was supposed to have.

jjwoodhull · Oct 16, 2008, 05:50 PM

Try to take comfort in the fact that God has a greater plan for your son. You and your husband are both suffering right now. Do not shut him out, but lean on each other for strength. Speak to a professional grief counselor or a clergyman. They will help you work through your sadness and anger.

J_9 · Oct 16, 2008, 05:59 PM

Skittles, I can feel your pain. While I have never personally lost a child, I am a labor and delivery nurse and we see this more times than you would know.

If it's any consolation, sometimes these things happen as the child may have had too many problems if the pregnancy had continued. We are dealt with things that sometimes seem to be too hard to comprehend, and that we think we won't be able to deal with. But in the end, no matter how terrible it seems, things always work out for the better.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know it is hard right now, but in time things will get better.

skittles001 · Oct 17, 2008, 03:42 PM

Thank you all very much, I felt encouraged by your kind words. I finally spoke to my husband about it. We cried together, and feel much better. We realise it was just not meant to be. But I am proud to say that, after a short tie when my body is healed, we will try again. And I won't be scared. Thank you all again, you are all wonderful people.

twinkiedooter · Oct 17, 2008, 05:03 PM

I am glad you were able to share with your husband and he with you. You will be a very loving mother and he will be a very loving father. Your child will be a joy to you both. Having walked in the same shoes you are now walking in, I know that you and he will only have your love and marriage get stronger as the years go by.

IM4U · Oct 17, 2008, 08:07 PM

I am glad that you can reach out for help and that you have begun to do so. I also hope you will accept the length of this journey of healing, whatever it proves to be. But be hopeful that the intensity begins to lighten and taper off.

Please prepare to be a bit disturbed when you see others enjoying their little ones. Admit it to yourself, feel the feelings, share them with another who cares about you, and offer the feelings in prayer. A kind of trap can be that when you begin to feel a bit better, you may also feel accompanying guilt about that. Be glad to feel better. You are not being disloyal to the baby who was lost.

So many things may trigger feelings, some very surprisingly. Again, accepting the feelings as a part of who you are right now may help you to understand that for your traumatic experience, you are responding normally. A wide range of emotions is experienced by many who are faced with loss. These can include anger, guilt, sadness, and even depression. Please don't get too low with depression before seeking professional help.

Some grieving people find help through professional counsel, reading griefcare-related materials, visits with a pastor, opening themselves to friends or family who can let them express whatever feelings are present, and participating in grief support groups.

The question of "why" may never be satisfactorily answered. I hope you are willing to learn to live with the question.

Caring,