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HelloKitty235 · Oct 15, 2008, 04:29 PM

I've been dating a guy for a year now who is much older than me. He is currently getting a divorce to his wife of 8 yrs. Because he says he's not in love with her, and he never was. His wife lives in Indonesia and he is here working in the US. They have 2 young children together so they are always in close contact with each other. They message and/or call each other about 3x a week. I have talked to his wife and built a pretty good relationship with her. She even goes as far as calling me "sis" and has eventually come to accept my relationship with him. They both claim that they only talk about the kids when keeping in contact. I know she is still in love with him and I guess she accepts the fact that he's in love with me.

I thought everything was fine, he shows no signs of cheating; however, once I was mad and irrationally told him to go back to her. And he did, for a couple days, but it didn't work out. He says he only wanted to do it for his children.
My friends think something is fishy about this whole situation. Some think that maybe he just wants to marry me to be legal so he could bring his family to the US. He says that if that was the case, he would not have a need for me. He could find someone else to do that with. Sometimes he seems impatient when I want to talk about my doubts or any negative feelings. He always says "I dont know WHY you feel like this STILL"

Does this guy sound like a good guy or am I setting myself up for heart break? :confused:

NorthernNiceGuy · Oct 15, 2008, 11:08 PM

Well it's really hard to say...

But I would say listening to your gut in this situation might be a good idea. You seem to have some pretty big reservations about this situation and more often than not there is truth in that.

mishelly3 · Oct 16, 2008, 01:17 AM

YA it is hard to tell it sounds like you can become demanding and needy at times also that's kind of a bad thing when it comes to guys. Be yourself and just have fun a let all the drama sit in the way side. I think you need to go out and just be yourself and find thast answer out pretty quickly.

Good luck

talaniman · Oct 16, 2008, 08:45 AM

Does this guy sound like a good guy or am I setting myself up for heart break? :confused:

Actually your wise to air these feelings after a year, and your in the perfect position to get your answers.

Don't make any real commitments until your sure about him. Another year would be my opinion, to really get a better picture.

One warning though, his wife is to close to him (contact 3x a week???) still, and that is a red flag, even though she is friendly to you. Keep your eyes open for a while, as he is to comfortable in my opinion going back to her, even for a short time.

JBeaucaire · Oct 16, 2008, 08:56 AM

I don't clearly see any suspicious behavior here. I do see a frustrated man expressing frustration. He DOESN'T understand how you can feel this way because at the moment he appears to not share your uncertainty.

Meanwhile, your gut feelings COULD be on to something. We can't really see this situation more clearly than you, not based on what you've provided so far.