[chelseata]

I've posted before on this. My boyfriend and I have now gone over six months without sex. One fluke incident did happen. But that's been it. We're pretty sure this is a psychological block. So we've both been seeing therapists, and now a couples counselor to help us deal with this together. The counselor has convinced him to test T-levels (which are perfect) and now to talk to his doc about viagra or another one.

So for any guys out there, if it were a psychological block, is viagra or cialis going to help anyway?

It's been so long. There's nothing I can do to "help" him. He has no sex drive and it makes me think that taking a pill isn't going to help him which is going to make the psychological block worse. :(

[KISS]

"Vitamin V" does have some side effects. The normal ones are facial flushing and a stuffy nose.

I believe it can help just because it will take less "effort" to achieve an errection. An erection is a complex process involving the mind, and it's the relaxing of a muscle to allow the penis to fill with blood. So potential problems are psycological, neurolological and vascular.

A simple psycological problem is "I don't want to get my partner pregnant"

[MrEasy]

There is a way to help know if it is a physicological block. If he has noctural erections, then it's psycological not physicological.
Can you give us more information such as did he have a good sex drive which suddenly diminished or tapered off over time? What age is he? Does or did he do drugs or a heavy drinker? Does he have any other health problems like diabetes or heart trouble?

[Fr_Chuck]

Even with Viagra he still has to "want" the sex, it is still his reactions that cause it to happen, but also to be honest, if the doc has him convinced this magic pill will work ( even if sugar) it is possible that if he believes this will work, it will.

[chelseata]

He's 31. The sex tapered from once daily for a few weeks, to maybe once a week. Then suddenly after three months, it stopped completely. No health problems, no excessive drinking or weight problems. Just baggage he never dealt with. He doesn't even get morning wood.
I try to kiss him, like make out kiss, and he just lays there. I can't do anything.

Will a doc even prescribe him anything if physically he checks out just fine? The only medical thing is he had hernia surgery four years ago which sometimes still gives him a little pain. A recent mri shows it's still in place, t-levels are great, blood pressure and prostate are all good. This is truly psychological. Is it even worth a try at this point?

[KISS]

The lack of morning wood is a clue. Probably not psycological. Probably physical. Maybe even due to the hernia operation.

No response to kissing may indeed mean that he doesn't feel that total body experience.

It is possible, to have an orgasm without ejaculation or even an erection, but it's a difficult feat.

[MrEasy]

Thank you for the additional information. It does sound like he could have a physical problem. He could certainly try Viagra or Cialis. There seem to be less side effects (blue vision and headache) with the Cialis. If this didn't work then I would suggest he see a urologist and ask to have his penal blood flow tested. It is possible that scar tissue (or mesh if it was used to do the repair) could be obstructing blood flow.
Beyond that, he might have his pitutitary gland checked and also his thyroid levels. These too can affect his sex drive.
Hope this helps.

[chelseata]

But wouldn't he still get erections?

[KISS]

If the plumbing doesn't work, or the nerve impulses don't work, you won't have morning wood.

The test used to be the postage stamp roll. You wrap it around the penis and if it's broken in the morning you had an erection.

A urologist can figure it out. I think there is a doppler test and you can inject the penis with a drug to cause an erection.

The latter will check the plumbing.

If it's not the plumbing, it's the nerves. This is where Cialis and Viagra help the most.

If it's the plumbing, then the penile implant becomes an option.

I'm still betting on nerves because of the hernia operation.

Cialis is like a low dose and it's effect will last about 36 hours.

Viagra is a short-acting dose. It's effect could last a day or more.

Kegel exercises can help. 10 reps of 10, holding for 10 seconds each. Kegels use the same muscles that can stop and start urine flow.

[MrEasy]

As KeepItSimple said, without blood flow or nerve impulses there won't be an erection. He really needs to see a competent urologist. KeepItSimple mentioned a possible injection test. Here's a link to a site explaining the injection therapy Impotence treatment - penile injection therapy for erectile dysfunction This is only used in the event Cialis or Viagra doesn't work but proper testing is needed to determine the root cause.
On the other hand, you mentioned one thing earlier "I try to kiss him, like make out kiss, and he just lays there." That is of some concern because even if he takes ED meds as Fr_Chuck said he has to want sex. Sex has to start in the mind. If he just lays there that doesn't sound like he's very interested in even trying. That, too, needs some further investigation.

[chelseata]

I'm so scared that he has just fallen out of love with me but doesn't know it yet. After this much time he's finally agreed to start "trying" and I've told him it's not about sex it's about being physical. I want to knock his socks off and catch him off guard but I don't want him to be uncomfortable either.
Does anyone have advice on how to be more supportive? Things I can do to coax him along? Seriously, seven months and nothing.

[chelseata]

I can't do this anymore. It's been seven and a half months. He doesn't want me. Maybe he never did. My heart is broken. The best man I've ever known, I've always wanted. He won't deal with this. So neither can I.