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confused2345 · Oct 2, 2008, 07:55 AM

After two years of being on and off with my boyfriend, we finally are a bit stable. We agreed we need to communicate and go out more. We have great chemistry and a great time when we go out and talk. The only problem is that he is very busy now. He got a new business and is immersed in it. He doesn't even have time to call me during the week. I'm not sure what to do because I feel like if we don't spend time with each other, we are going to fall apart. I'm a girl and like any girl I need a little bit of attention. But at the same time, I can understand his situation. I need to figure out if we are meant to be, but his schedule is causing problems. We need to communicate with each other and he knows that. I can't even get him to give me a call and it really frustrates me and makes me feel neglected. I have been texting him so much these past few days because he will not call. I seriously think he may be scared to commit to me. How do I deal with that? I love him though and want things to work out. Should I let him contact me (which is hard for me to do)? How should I act?

Please help me. I need encouragement to let him call me on his own. Any advice is appreciated.

Romefalls19 · Oct 2, 2008, 08:40 AM

You nagging him sure isn't going to help the situation. You said he just got a new business, of course it's going to take a lot of his time, do you want it to fail? Sure you need attention, but you got back together knowing he was starting the business, give him some room to breathe or walk away if you can't take it.

confused2345 · Oct 2, 2008, 08:55 AM

You're right. I've been nagging him these past few days. If I stop, will it help the situation? Is it too late?

I am such an impatient person. I need self control.

Romefalls19 · Oct 2, 2008, 09:15 AM

He hasn't done anything, so I don't feel it's too late

ylaira · Oct 2, 2008, 02:28 PM

I agree with that Romefalls said. Just find something to work at for now. Quit nagging and buzzing for now to see if he realizes what he's been short. If he didn't call you with a month, then maybe you got an answer.

confused2345 · Oct 2, 2008, 04:54 PM

Thanks. I will try that. Im leaving him alone now. I'm still hurt though from the fact that I'm not as important to him as other things in his life. I'll have to weight everything out.

talaniman · Oct 2, 2008, 05:15 PM

I feel like if we don't spend time with each other, we are going to fall apart.

While your at it, work on your insecurities some, as your really maybe blowing things up way too much. Its almost if you have too much time on your hands, and need something else besides him, to occupy your time.

confused2345 · Oct 3, 2008, 03:25 PM

Yea... I have been a bit bored lately. Its my last year in grad school so there's not much going on right now. I will work on my insecurities and work on focusing on other aspects of my life. I will just leave him alone and let it be. Thanks!

confused2345 · Oct 7, 2008, 02:37 PM

Hi,

He ended up telling me that he wants to focus on his business and that we should just be friends. It hurt me a lot and I'm trying to cope with it. I feel like he'll still come back like he has in the past. I don't understand him at all.

h0llister · Oct 7, 2008, 06:15 PM

Maybe he feels guilty because he can't give you all the time he thinks you deserve so he's breaking up so he won't feel the guilt anymore!

MarkwithaK · Oct 7, 2008, 06:30 PM

Could be. Or it could be that the damage was done with all of the self professed 'nagging' that took place.

MsJulia · Oct 7, 2008, 07:00 PM

See, what I don't understand is... why do guys completely ignore their gf's when they have "work" to do? If you really love someone, wouldn't you prioritize and make time to have a healthy relationship with them?

MarkwithaK · Oct 7, 2008, 07:08 PM

Depends on the guy, depends on the work. If you are flipping burgers then yes. If you are trying to establish yourself in an actual career then your personal life may have to take a backseat.

wikedjuggalo · Oct 7, 2008, 07:13 PM

Originally Posted by MsJulia

See, what I don't understand is... why do guys completely ignore their gf's when they have "work" to do? If you really love someone, wouldn't you prioritize and make time to have a healthy relationship with them?

Hold on I know at my job at least my employer does not pay me to talk to a GF. He pays me to do my job.

talaniman · Oct 7, 2008, 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by MsJulia

See, what I don't understand is... why do guys completely ignore their gf's when they have "work" to do? If you really love someone, wouldn't you prioritize and make time to have a healthy relationship with them?

Can't we be healthy after work? I can't live off love, I need meat, and potatoes on the table, and not just once a month.

MsJulia · Oct 8, 2008, 08:58 AM

To the comments above...

I know! Duh! Obviously Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm, you have to focus on work. But what about nights and weekends? The girl who posted this thread said her guy didn't even call her at all anymore because he was too "busy". Her boyfriend (or ex now) isn't literally working 24/7, 7 days a week.

Maybe I'm just a romantic person, but I believe that if you really love someone and want to continue a healthy relationship with them, you will do whatever you can to make quality time for them.

Romefalls19 · Oct 8, 2008, 09:25 AM

But the OP also stated he is opening his own business, that makes things a lot more difficult and a lot more time consuming. No company will start if they are doing the same thing as the others, just not going to happen.

confused2345 · Oct 8, 2008, 03:00 PM

Hi guys,

Yes he did tell me that he didn't want to drag me on because he is unable to make time for me. It would be unfair. I told him I'm okay with him making an effort to talk to me when he has time, but I feel like there are underlying insecurities within him. He hasn't committed to me for past 2 years. We've been close friends for 3 years prior. I know he still has feelings for me, but something is holding him back. Maybe its his business. He does have a new one and he does work 7 days a week but not 24 hours a day. He just gets very tired after work and says that he's just falls asleep once he hits the bed.

I'm not sure what to do. I feel like he'll come back like he always does but I don't like this cycle at all. I'm being patient and letting him come to me. I know for a fact that when I don't give him so much attention, he makes a greater effort to see me or call me. Hes one confusing guy.

I'm definitely hurt still but I'm being patient.

confused2345 · Oct 14, 2008, 03:53 PM

Hey Guys,

I'm having a hard time with this. I miss him like crazy and what surprises me is that I've been through this before and its so hard for me this time around. I guess I really got my hopes up since he wanted to work on it. I gave him my all and was the sweetest person to him. It was totally unexpected. I feel like I can't even get to know other guys at the moment. How can I let go?

talaniman · Oct 14, 2008, 05:39 PM

Are you broken up, or what??

You know I always say its best to keep your life balanced with other things, and activities that you enjoy, just to have something else to do with your life. That's a healthy way to survive losses, and extended absences.