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Watchthehair · Sep 27, 2008, 10:12 PM

I met this girl in a game. After talking to her for months, we move on to skype and start converse through voice chat. I don't know if it's love or not. But she definitely my best friend atm. We talk a lot, and I never felt so happy talking to someone, not even with my ex(s). She tell me that she felt the same way about me. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's just happen naturally.

Then, one day she told me her ex call her several times, and she return the call. She told me they might get back together. Since that days, we haven't talk much. She used all sort of excuse to avoid talking with me. At one point, she put me on hold for 2+hrs with some ridiculous excuse.

At that point, I just fed up. I question her change in attitude. She said she had some trouble with RL, and she feel very stressed. Naturally, I offer to listen to her problems. But then, she give me some bullcrap that she can't tell me her problems because she felt weak talking about them, and that she don't want to lose self-control. When I asked her whether she want me to give up talking to her. She never answer directly, rather she go on and on about the reason she can't solve those problems without being any specific on any of the issue. I felt like she leading me through a wild goose chase.

I quote one of the line that she claim she was happy talking to me, then asked her if she still feel the same. Once again, she avoid giving a direct answer, rather she said she trying to suppress everything that confuse her atm and she had bad conscience when talking to me. Needless to said, the conversation didn't end so well that night. She said her mood was completely ruined by her granny shortly thereafter and she didn't want to talk to anyone anymore.

We engage in more talk thereafter. Eventually, I got her to agree to disclose her problems at our next conversation. Then, I found out she was online but shutoff her skype to avoid contact with me for the last two days. When I call her on a least expected hour, she logoff her skype immediately. I send her a few emails asking for reason. But she never get back to me.

One more thing, When I asked about should I give her more time to readjust herself. She just told me that I will understand once she show me her problem.

I treasure this friendship a lot, but I feel like I am pressing against her will lately. I had a few options, a) Give up talking to her, and just cut off all communication; b) Let her initial the talk when she feel like talking; c) Keep on talking to her(which mean tolerating her excuses). I really don't know which is the best. Above all, I really want to know WTH was she thinking?

mommyv · Sep 27, 2008, 10:23 PM

Wow-umm I think if you keep pushing on her like that you may push her away. I really have no clue on what's up with her but I guess I would tell you that if your not ready to end the friendship then limit your calls, and don't push her to talk about her stuff, people deal with things in different ways. I can't talk about my problems until they're over, then I feel like its OK, don't know why. So when you do get to talk to her just ask how she is and move on to what's up with you. If she wants to be your friend then eventually you'll find out what's up or she'll just stop taking your calls. Either way you'll have an answer.

Clough · Sep 27, 2008, 10:32 PM

Hi, Watchthehair!

How old are you and how old is this girl, please? It would be helpful to know that for others that come along to respond to your post.

Also, would you please explain what RL is?

Thanks!

Watchthehair · Sep 27, 2008, 10:41 PM

She's almost 21, and I am 25. RL = real life.

Part of me wanted to give her time, mommyv. But I just don't feel comfortable to back off without getting any direct answer from her.

Clough · Sep 27, 2008, 10:50 PM

Thanks!

Does she live any where near to you where it might be possible to visit in person with her?

Watchthehair · Sep 28, 2008, 12:14 AM

That's not possible, she live across the globe.

Clough · Sep 28, 2008, 12:47 AM

Thanks!

Do you think that it would ever be possible for you to have a relationship with her as a couple?

It really does seem to me that you are "spinning your wheels" too much about a "love" relationship with her unless there is the possibility that you can someday meet up with her in person.

Watchthehair · Sep 28, 2008, 01:04 AM

Thanks, Clough. I don't expect a romance relationship because she already said she's going back to her ex. But I expect to continue to chat with her at least, she was a big part of my life for the past few months. I am looking for some advice to approach her when she behave this way since I couldn't get a clear indication from her.

Clough · Sep 28, 2008, 01:18 AM

Okay, fair enough. I do have conversations on the phone with a person from this site. We have quite a bit in common. She's married, and her husband has no problem with us having conversations. The reason that we connected in the first place was for business purposes, yours is different, however.

Because of the nature of my work, most of my friend associations have been with women. I have a number of women friends that I would consider to be "soul mates", even if they are married or attached in some way to another person. Maybe your relationship with this person is something like that?

Concerning her behavior, she just might be confused. I hope that she doesn't think that anything will ever come of your having casual or even deep conversations that are electronic in nature about your having a relationship. If she is confused about that, then I would suggest making things clear to her.

I do really need to be getting to bed now though, because I have a matinée show to play for... today!

calgirl · Sep 28, 2008, 02:16 AM

Well, it sounds to me that she is very uncertain of what she wants. But, if you like to helpful to her then stay around and keep letting her play games with you.

chuff · Sep 28, 2008, 05:35 AM

This doesn't make any sense. You are interested in someone across the globe? Of course there's no way to have a romantic relationship with this person. Dude, she's either using you as an emotional tampon for all her problems or she wants you to send her money. Either way find somebody in your own town who has neither of those issues.

talaniman · Sep 28, 2008, 05:44 AM

What kind of friend badgers another for attention? That's not friendship.

Take the hints she has been giving you, and you have been ignoring, and leave her alone.

What your doing is not healthy, nor is it wanted.

Watchthehair · Sep 28, 2008, 07:11 PM

I'm finally get a clear answer from her last night. She said she still want me to hang around her, but she need time. She didn't know how long this will take. In the end, I choose option b, I told her I will not initial contact with her again, but will be here(on skype) when she ready to talk again. Either way, I felt relief this endless struggling finally came to an end.

Maybe, I just felt pissed because of getting ignore all of a sudden and only want an answer. Right now, I just need to keep myself busy to clear my mind.