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madaman · Oct 30, 2007, 06:12 PM

Most of us kept up home and stayed in pain for a while, don't think you have to start today. It would take an immensly strong person to do such a thing ( I wasn't, it took me 2 weeks to realize she was messing with my head).

kei12345 · Nov 13, 2007, 09:09 PM

Guys just an update..

Lately I have been talking to her almost everyday.. she is so content on me keeping promises even though we've broken up, I don't undertsand..

She's uses a lot of reverse psyc on me to get me to do things to help her.. I sadly fall into the trap every time..

She is very controlling and selfish I know but is it possible she could be testing me? My friends keep telling me its not a game or movie and that they wouldn't do that to the person they love..

She loves to argue and prove her point but I don't know... is she really that cold hearted?

I've been treating her like a princess ever since at anytime we go out, buying her stuff, spoiling her and all

But its just me :( I just want to make her feel happy yet I know she's out an about possibly thinking about other potentials..

I've shown her I care, she knows it too.. I've poured my heart out to her a few times in person and email and told her not to say anything till her exams are over because I was too scared of hearing no again..

She gets reallya ngry when I suggest NC or even less and tells me to give up on her and that she will move on.. she gets arelly worked up esp when I don't put her FIRST and I mean FIRST before my friends and all like if we're going out..

Is it possible she really is testing me? :(
I'm so stupid but I love her so much.. I've been told she runs me around like a dog... :(

jolienoire · Nov 13, 2007, 09:18 PM

Originally Posted by kei12345

guys just an update..

lately i have been talking to her almost everyday.. she is so content on me keeping promises even though we've broken up, i dont undertsand..

shes uses alot of reverse psyc on me to get me to do things to help her.. i sadly fall into the trap everytime..

she is very controlling and selfish i know but is it possible she could be testing me? my friends keep telling me its not a game or movie and that they wouldnt do that to the person they love..

she loves to argue and prove her point but i dont know... is she really that cold hearted?

ive been treating her like a princess ever since at anytime we go out, buying her stuff, spoiling her and all

but its just me :( i just want to make her feel happy yet i know shes out an about possibly thinking about other potentials..

ive shown her i care, she knows it too.. ive poured my heart out to her a few times in person and email and told her not to say anything till her exams are over coz i was too scared of hearing no again..

she gets reallya ngry when i suggest NC or even less and tells me to give up on her and that she will move on.. she gets arelly worked up esp when i dont put her FIRST and i mean FIRST before my friends and all like if we're going out..

is it possible she really is testing me?? :(
im so stupid but i love her so much.. ive been told she runs me around like a dog.... :(

Honey she has you where she wants you.. Do you realize you don't hurt people you love... You are good to her and yet she is mean to you. you realize if you were to walk away she will realize how good she had it... I don't like when people play with ppl's feeling and think it is LOVE that is not LOVE someone who LOVES you will treat you with the respect you deserve.. ALL this pampering and all the things you've done to her and she can't see that... You love her?? What about yourself? You have to love yourself first, Because if you had love and respect for yourself you wouldn't allow for her to treat you like that.. You will get tired of it.. But I don't see you gaining anything from this relationship if she continues to be controlling... Please don't settle for less.. You deserve the best and until you stand up for yourself she will never respect you.

kei12345 · Nov 13, 2007, 09:27 PM

Am I really that stupid..

She has always been controlling in the relationship but I made a lot of empty promises.. I feel like I realised I set the bar too high in the beginning..

What if people are wrong? What if everyone is wrong and she really is testing me..

I don't know what to do.. I know I can't let go yet :(

jolienoire · Nov 13, 2007, 09:33 PM

Originally Posted by kei12345

am i really that stupid..

she has always been controlling in the relationship but i made alot of empty promises.. i feel like i realised i set the bar too high in the beginning..

what if ppl are wrong? what if everyone is wrong and she really is testing me..

i dont know what to do.. i know i can't let go yet :(

Why would this be a test? She already knows she have you and you are not going anywhere... so when you say test what is she testing? Your not a machine but a human being? WHat she is testing you to see that you do whatever she wants and if you don't she will break up with you... Unless you like walking on eggshells I don't understand what she is gaining from humilitating you... Don't make excuses for her behavior.

kei12345 · Nov 13, 2007, 10:26 PM

Thanks for your prompt reply..

I really have become selfless these past 2 to 3 weeks... I told her id never give on her... she drills me down so much when I slip up becoz of my empty promises I've made in the past..

Its just that I know she's free and all.. she once told me about a week ago, that she was attracted to someone else and that I should give up on her but when I asked her again a few days she told me there is "no one else" yet she talks to some guy on the phone a lot..

I don't know if they're friends or not but she has spoken to him about me and us etc..

Like I'm not with her so why would she care so much about my promises when I'm not with her :(.. friends need personal space too.. its like I'm with her but I know I'm not :(

I should ask myself that.. but I know I just love her so much :(

madaman · Nov 14, 2007, 08:41 AM

She is using you right now. Are you OK with being used? As soon as something materializes with another guy, you will be dropped. Don't let her do this to you!! Have some self respect and drop her in all forms. Go NC, you will be proud of yourself later on.

jolienoire · Nov 14, 2007, 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by kei12345

thanks for ur prompt reply..

i really have become selfless these past 2 to 3 weeks... i told her id never give on her... she drills me down so much when i slip up becoz of my empty promises ive made in the past..

its just that i know shes free and all.. she once told me about a week ago, that she was attracted to someone else and that i should give up on her but when i asked her again a few days she told me there is "no one else" yet she talks to some guy on the phone alot..

i dont know if they're friends or not but she has spoken to him about me and us etc..

like im not with her so why would she care so much about my promises when im not with her :(.. friends need personal space too.. its like im wiht her but i know im not :(

i should ask myself that.. but i know i just love her so much :(

IF YOU LOVE HER YOU WOULD LET HER GO! If that is what she wants if she finds someone else there is nothing you can do and if you Love her you will hope that this new person is treating her good.. We know that is not what you want.. But if someone doesn't want to be with you. You can't change their mind.. If someone wants to be with you nothing can keep them away.. Friends don't mistreat friends.. Okay so you made some broken promises, but if she forgave you then why is she holding this over your head.. Here are some tips to Help you cope

1. Take her off that pedestal
Don't idolize her and build her up into something great. She is nothing of the sort. So don't gaze lovingly at pictures of her. Don't jump to answer her e-mail or phone calls. And definitely don't go out of your way for her. She no longer deserves preferential treatment.

2. Get closure...
It's essential to definitively end any hopes of reconciliation between the two of you. And if you can't get that into your head, she owes you the courtesy of making it crystal clear. She should tell you: 'I never loved you. I don't love you now. We'll never get back together.' After some prodding, she'll probably do it, just to get rid of you. It provides what therapists call 'closure.' And you can begin to heal.

3.. . then don't contact her
After the relationship reaches finality, you have to break off contact or you will go mad. Don't beg or cry. Don't drunk-dial. Don't write her e-mail. Don't send packages or CDs. Don't dedicate a song to her on the radio. Geddit? She will find you if she wants to. And even if you can talk your way back into her arms, it's only a temporary reprieve. She already knows you want her back, and she doesn't care. Take that as a sign.

4. Get negative feelings out on paper
Write her a letter pouring out your negative and weepy feelings, then disassociate them from yourself. Throw the letter away or burn it. But definitely don't send it to her. You will only regret it. She will show her friends and her new boyfriend. And they will all share a good laugh.

5. Avoid her friends and any places she goes to
Don't venture into her territory. You won't be welcome. Find new places to hang out for the first few months and make new friends, if necessary. If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with her, you may have to shut them out, too - at least temporarily. After some time has passed, you should go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with your mutual friends.

6. Throw away anything that reminds you of her
You don't have to burn it all, but definitely get pictures, gifts, clothing, letters, and e-mail out of your living area, or at least out of your line of vision. If that means giving away roughly half of your wardrobe to get rid of the memory of her, so be it. As a rule of thumb, if the object makes you think of her, discard it. This can also save your sanity.

7. Don't try to get your stuff back
Unless it's a diamond ring or something that's one-of-a-kind, you're better off not contacting her to get it back. DVDs, clothes, your extra toothbrush... just let 'em go. They're only possessions. Is it really worth the pain of being in her presence just to reclaim a pair of boxer shorts? Don't exchange your dignity for menial belongings.

8. Spend time with your friends
Let your pals give you a wake up call on how your ex wasn't that perfect to begin with, and that there are more fish in the sea. A little male camaraderie can go a long way towards getting your head straight. We've all been detonated by a woman before and most of us will likely get detonated again.

9. Exercise your newfound freedom
Freedom is always intoxicating. There's a world of activities you can partake in that you were never able to enjoy because your 'other half' didn't approve. So indulge. Travel. Build a model ship. Go hiking. Play video games on your computer. Watch TV all weekend. Do anything you want. Why not start boxing? Ideally, you want to find an activity that allows you to release your anger and alleviate stress.

10. Remember the bad times
If you feel nostalgic, then think of all the times she was a cow to you. That should do it. Remember the time she made you wait by the dressing room as she endlessly tried on clothing? Or the time she reminded you not too drink too much in front of your mates? Nobody wants that back.

11 tips for getting over your ex: iVillage

kei12345 · Nov 14, 2007, 07:26 PM

What if your wrong, what if everyone is wrong

I can't get past that..

'ur always like taht'
'ull never change'
'fine I won't reconsider after my exams'
Etc etc

Kills me every time I hear it :(

ryaninvegas · Nov 14, 2007, 07:44 PM

My ex would never give me #2 closure. She would just say "i dont know" / "i dont know what to say to you"
Really pi$$ed me off...

kei12345 · Nov 19, 2007, 10:04 PM

guys just another update

its almost nearing 26/11 which is when her exams finish.. I plan to ask her back that day as thast what we agreed to.. give her time until she finishes her exam so she could think about us if she wanted to reconsider

anyway.. since then I've talked to her everday as I've said.. we laugh here and then and I do eveyrthing for her which I've noted.. I promised her that I wouldn't see her friend i.e. she didn't awnt her friends involved..

I ended up talking to her friend which I broke a promise about, she got so annoyed and I found out she said to her friend she totally gave up on me, which meant she wasn't playing with me this whole time and that she actually thoguht about getting back with me.. she said I lost her trust and I was pretty devo since I never realised she was thinking about me and her again and how everyone told me she was just using me like an old car waiting to buy a new car =/

she's very selfish putting me through this but I've triedt o explain the reason as to why, I was confused and that I was trying to do everything in my power to fix things up..

things are back to normal now (still not together) and she still cares about me doing stuff with other people, who I see and who I don't, who I go out with and so on..

she still hints to me that she has no money (before I never used to help out a lot financially which made her unhappy as I got obsessed in my own wants) and all and wasn't able to buy stuff here and then.. she cares so much about my promises I keep to her even though we're not together.. she gets jealous and talks about how I said I was able to give up anything for her blah blah blah.. why does she do this? She gets so angry when I tell her I am going shopping with my friends and annoyed at tiny things

am I really being used?

madaman · Nov 19, 2007, 11:06 PM

Do you really need us to answer that one for you?

kei12345 · Dec 3, 2007, 02:16 AM

Hey guys..

Just a quick update...

In the end. I managed to persuade her to give us another chance.. all in all I didn't think I could accomplish it but yeah I got it..

Some of it was wrong, in the sense that sympathy on my part might of played a role in it from her but it doesn't matter to me anymore..

First 2 days (2 days ago) she was happy... 1 day later she almost blew up on me and kept telling me I'm not the person she wants to be with..

Yeah I sort of kept asking her not to give up so easily.. is it wrong to ask her to put in some effort to see how it goes before jumps to conclusions?

She tells me its changed and that she doesn't want to hurt me and that she doesn't enjoy time with me.. I am stupid I know but I want it to work so badly.. don't get me wrong I'm not be forceful at all but I am persistent. I know the harder I try the harder I'll probably fall when or if it doesn't work. I'm just thinking of ways to make this work.. seems like everything I do and stuff up is an excuse for her to break up with me, I'm trying a new direction this time and trying to start a NEW relationship, trying not to refer to the past at all except with aspects that were good and/or fun..

I got her to keep it going as bad as that sounds.. I want to keep my distance and not bother her too much, I understand not to pressure her anymore with anything at all, need to work on rebuilding the relationship, communication and especially trust with me.. I'm plannign on slowly easing friends into our outings again and putting consistent sustainable effort on my part as if I was trying to chase her again. My first goal is to get her to feel comfortable around me again..

All in all.. I'm just here to update you guys on my progress.. but I was wondering if anyone (even if you haven't been in the same situation) to give me some advice on how to go about rebuilding this..

Yes I know its not fair on her part, and that its A lot of trouble and effort for me (maybe more than I can do) but I'm willing to risk everything to make this work..

miou30 · Dec 3, 2007, 02:56 AM

I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be OK but from my personal experience things are not looking that great. It seems that she still feels a lot of anger towards you and is trying to get back at you by being there but not really if you know what I mean. I wouldn't hold my breath on this one. It's really nice of you that you want to give it another try but it will never work unless she wants it to work as badly as you do. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but I want to spare you the pain of having your heart broken again. I had to learn the hard way and believe me its anything but pleasant. I wish you the best and hope that everything works out.

kei12345 · Dec 3, 2007, 05:25 PM

She said she's felt sorry for me and admitted it..

She wants to be friends but clearly I know I don't want to, I'm just trying to slowly get her to fall for me again..

madaman · Dec 3, 2007, 06:27 PM

I would think that she is trying with you again because she feels bad for you. Is that really what you want? I wouldn't feel too good knowing that someone was with me only because I persuaded them again to give me a chance. Just like the above poster mentioned, It won't work unless she wants it to work. And it sounds like you are doing all the work right now.

kei12345 · Dec 3, 2007, 10:03 PM

I know its not the best feeling for people

But if someone means that much and if it does work and they overcome that sorry feeling and fall for u, isn't that what all that matters despite all obstacles?

kei12345 · Sep 26, 2008, 09:50 AM

Hey guys

At athe time of writing this thread, iwas at my lowest point

I would just like to update everyone and say thanks

It was hard comprehending with it all but eventually I got through with thehelp of friends and so forth

Id really like to say a thanks to everyone here especially madaman as when I look back and read the advice of everyone here, it really does make sense, its just something that doesn't stick to you when "ur in the relationship" if I could have called it that..

I eventually got her to get back with me but at a massive cost of my pride, dignity and self respect..

Yes I was stupid, yes you guys told me so, yes my friends todl me but I guess when you really love someone, you do these sorts of things

It was a very harsh lesson for me.. she has moved on to another guy now though she has kept it low, I knew it from the start.. lol
I mean just being out of the relationship makes things so much clearer you know? I can see all the signs now, the whole story..

Well ye I don't want to blabber on, but what I really wanted to say was that it really never was gogin to work as the mistakes were awlays going to be there and I appraoched it in the totally wrong way..

I'm happy these days and know that learning from the mistakesi nthe past will help me better myself for future girlfriends, breaking up just means you're one step closer to finding someone "whos right" for you

I guess, if there's 2 big lessons I learnt, its don't ever put all your eggs in one basket..
And its not the good things that make someone up.. it's the bad things..

OK ill stop now lol

Ks secretos · Sep 26, 2008, 08:16 PM

Im a girl and recently my boyfriend of 3yrs ,now X, and I had a similar situation. We broke up and I said lose my #. That same moment I hung up the phone and cried for like a week nonstop. We didn't tlk for a whole month, which was a ver long time because every night we would talk on the phone for 2-4 hours. That lonely mo. I didn't get any sleep, my life was empty. I couldn't listen to music, I couldn't talk, I coudnt see because my eyes were always were bleary from tears, I could barley breath without assistance lol but the mo. Passed and we tlked. Both of us were crying and everything because we both missed each other so much. Everything I was feeling he was also... we expressed our pain, and we were back. We now are history due to a major misunderstanding but we couldn't and still can't ignor how we felt and still feel about each other so we still hold converstion once and awhile... She (if she ever loved you) is feeling as empty as you are... hopefully she will wake up and see your love and progress for her. Ethier way LEARN FROM THIS. And keep occupied.

kei12345 · Sep 28, 2008, 09:17 AM

thanks ^^

I appreciate it