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sassygirl636010 · Sep 11, 2008, 08:32 PM

My husband adopted my daughter, she is 15 now, back in 2003 after her biological father signed over his rights because "he didnt want to pay for her anymore" as he put it. However, she accused him last year of "touching her." We went through the whole ordeal of Division of Family Services and the police... everything. They did their investigation and even had both of them take the Lie Detector test.. the newest one, they said it is voice activated or something like that. Anyway, she failed it and he passed it... later on she said that she made it up because if she got him out of the picture that I would be more lenient on her and let her stay out half the night with her friends... not a chance in hell was that going to happen... ever!! My question is can my husband give up his parental rights because of this, he said he wants nothing more to do with her and I can't really blame him. We just don't know what to do. Her biological dad is now seeing her whenever he wants but still doesn't want to "pay for her" . She is living with my mom and I pay her child support every month. So any help would be greatly appreciated.

Alty · Sep 11, 2008, 08:59 PM

This poor kid. Her biological dad gives her up for adoption in order to bypass his responisbility to pay for his child, and now her adopted father wants to throw away his rights too?

I can't give you legal advice, but I'd get this kid some help. The adult males in her life are treating her like garbage, just toss her away whenever it becomes too much. :(

Synnen · Sep 11, 2008, 09:46 PM

No, he can't give up his rights.

I would get some family counseling, because this girl sounds like she's got issues, and it sounds like you and your husband have issues of your own, if she even THOUGHT a ploy like that would work.

How about talking together? How about being a family? Why not work TOGETHER to have a loving relationship?

People that give up on their kids are walking away from the biggest responsibility and the greatest privilege there is---and I lose respect for anyone that can just "give up" and "want nothing to do with" a child.

Who is the adult here?

ChihuahuaMomma · Sep 12, 2008, 01:38 AM

She definitely needs to be seeing a therapist. And her adopted father needs to learn to be a good role model for her.

Why do you think she wants to "stay out half the night"? Because she isn't receiving the love and respect at home that she deserves.

Why is she not living with you? You're her mother, correct?

Get her into therapy, and I would suggest family therapy as well.

On another note, I would seriously doubt your husband's character and responsibility if he wants nothing to do with his daughter anymore because of an accusation. She gave her reason, and this was her cry for help. And instead of helping her, he wants to give up on her and have nothing to do with her? And this is going to help?

She's 15, THIS IS THE TIME TO GET HER HELP, so that she doesn't become a broken adult. A childhood such as this is a reason for her to become interested in running away, getting involved in drugs, gangs, and other illegal activities. Get her help NOW.

ScottGem · Sep 12, 2008, 05:55 AM

When you adopt someone you become their legal parent with all the rights AND responsibilities attendant upon that relationship. Just like any parent would have a hard time relinquishing rights so would your husband.

I agree with the others, you need some family counseling. This girl is running amok and this is all a cry for help. I also question why you are allowing the bio father to see her. He gave up his rights, therefore he has none. He should be barred from contact until she's 18.

div2wice · Sep 23, 2008, 07:18 PM

I have to agree with everyone here. However, I will not judge.

Yes, he has every right to be ticked, that's a horrible thing she did... however she clearly has some emotional issues that need to be dealt with. I do agree that her father giving her up probably caused some issues, then her step father wanting to get rid of her, and now she's at her grandma's. That's going to cause severe damage.
If there is ANYWAY for you and her to get counceling, just you two to maybe get through some of these things. Then maybe your husband will be willing to LATER.
But, like everyone else said, NO he cannot give up rights. He signed the papers now he really needs to step up and be a father, despite the horrible things she's done. She needs a father, and a mother to get through this.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 23, 2008, 07:54 PM

First the bio dad is not suppose to ever have to pay again, that was stopped when he signed over his rights. Also he has no right to visit or see the girl, who ever has custody of the girl can stop those visits if they want, so he is only seeing her since it is being allowed.

Next no the step father once he adopted is the legal father and can be forced to pay child support just like he is the bio father, he took that legal liability when he adopted the child. I am not sure why she is at grandma?? Why is she not at home with her parents?