[ANCOM12]

I am a mother of four. There adoption was final a year and a half ago but they have been with me for five years (the baby's whole life). They were a sibling group and I knew their biological mother in passing. She is bipolar with overexuberant phyco tendencies with fourteen convictions of child abuse on her. Not to mention assult to an officer, domestic violence and many drug charges. Both of my son's have fetal alcohol syndrom, and add/adhd. My oldest is legally blind due to her drug/ alcohol use while pregnant.

Well to cut to the chase they have not seen this woman for almost three years. Their ages currently are 11, 10, 5, 4. Yesturday, they were approched at school by their biological cousin. My 10 year old daughter was handed three letters addressed to the three oldest and told...

"Do not show these to Aubrey (my first name), and give your responce to me."

Well my brave little girl gave these letters to me and I read them. They all stated pretty much the same thing.

"I love you, I am your real mother. Please tell Ms Aubrey that you want to see me. I think about you all the time. Send me a letter and pictures please. Love your mother A."

Of course after reading these letters, I rush to the school to see what I can do. The school tells me... nothing. Without a protective order then they can not keep a child away from another child. I get it, I do. I have never hid the fact that they were adopted and never will. I went through YEARS of counseling to help my older two because they remember everything this woman did to them. They were finally starting to lead a normal life but now they are distraught and it has rehashed so many bad memorys for them.


What can I do to protect my kids from this woman?

[JudyKayTee]

I am a mother of four. There adoption was final a year and a half ago but they have been with me for five years (the babys whole life). They were a sibling group and I knew their biological mother in passing. She is bipolar with overexuberant phyco tendencies with fourteen convictions of child abuse on her. Not to mention assult to an officer, domestic violence and many drug charges. Both of my son's have fetal alcohol syndrom, and add/adhd. My oldest is legally blind due to her drug/ alcohol use while pregnant.

Well to cut to the chase they have not seen this woman for almost three years. Their ages currently are 11, 10, 5, 4. Yesturday, they were approched at school by their biological cousin. My 10 year old daughter was handed three letters adressed to the three oldest and told....

"Do not show these to Aubrey (my first name), and give your responce to me."

Well my brave little girl gave these letters to me and I read them. They all stated pretty much the same thing.

"I love you, I am your real mother. Please tell Ms Aubrey that you want to see me. I think about you all the time. Send me a letter and pictures please. Love your mother A."

Of course after reading these letters, I rush to the school to see what I can do. The school tells me.... nothing. Without a protective order then they can not keep a child away from another child. I get it, I do. I have never hid the fact that they were adopted and never will. I went through YEARS of counseling to help my older two because they remember everything this woman did to them. They were finally starting to lead a normal life but now they are distraught and it has rehashed so many bad memorys for them.


What can I do to protect my kids from this woman?

You do what the school said and get a restraning order/protective order.

You contact an Attorney and pull the mother into Court - what does the adoption order say about contact?

[ScottGem]

I'm going to take a different tack here, though you may not like it. People can change. Bipolars can function normally under medication. So you might take the tack that you will allow supervised visits on occasion IF she can provide a doctor's evaluation that she is not a danger to the children. This shows your kids that you are not trying to keep them from their bio mother only trying to protect them.

You should also tell them that you are their "real" mother. You have taken them in and cared for them and provided for them when their bio mother couldn't. That makes you their "real" mother.

[ANCOM12]

Well I notified the police and sheriff departments. After spending all day between the two they thought I should get a restraining order too. So off to the court house I went. My injunction was approved immediately and I was given a hearing date for a permanent injunction. I really didn't want it to come to this but after taking the weekend to readjust and think of this in a nonangered light... she pushed more. She went through my garbage. I caught her by the fence and she raced off. My phone rang every night with blocked caller on my caller ID and when I answered she hung up. My daughter cried all weekend, and for more then just a rehash of memories, the plain constitution of OH no what is she going to do now. I tried to be there for her the best way possible and have re-enrolled her in counceling.

I appreciate the advice and even though it is not what I wanted to hear Scott, I considered it. Except the sheriff knew her on a first name basis and she was just picked up two weeks before for paraphanalia and baker acted due to the violence on the officer. So unfortunately she is still not clean or safe. I wish things were different but even the letters were like a game to her.

I hope one day for all the kids to be able to have some sort of relationship with her so they won't lack anything or feel like they have a void. I know she is their mother and even though I am raising them, I would never take that away from them.

[JudyKayTee]

Well I notified the police and sheriff departments. After spending all day between the two they thought I should get a restraining order too. So off to the court house I went. My injunction was approved immediatly and I was given a hearing date for a permanent injunction. I really didn't want it to come to this but after taking the weekend to readjust and think of this in a nonangered light..... she pushed more. She went through my garbage. I caught her by the fence and she raced off. My phone rang every night with blocked caller on my caller ID and when I answered she hung up. My daughter cried all weekend, and for more then just a rehash of memories, the plain constitution of OH no what is she going to do now. I tried to be there for her the best way possible and have re-enrolled her in counceling.

I appreciate the advice and even though it is not what I wanted to hear Scott, I considered it. Except the sheriff knew her on a first name basis and she was just picked up two weeks before for paraphanalia and baker acted due to the violence on the officer. So unfortunatly she is still not clean or safe. I wish things were different but even the letters were like a game to her.

I hope one day for all the kids to be able to have some sort of relationship with her so they won't lack anything or feel like they have a void. I know she is their mother and even though I am raising them, I would never take that away from them.

Well, even though this didn't have a sort of happy ending between you and the birth mother it sounds like it's come to a happy ending for the sake of the children right now.

And maybe some day she'll get her act together -

[ScottGem]

I understand, you needed to deal immediately with the current situation. And I'm gald you got the kids protected.