[rma]

Hi, I'm new here but I would like some advice. My girlfriend of 3 and 1/2 years just told me Saturday that she neede some time to think abou what she wants. She took some clothes and stuff and went to stay at her parents. Now I am 28 and she is 21 and I understand that is a big age difference. We had normal relationship problems but some got progressively worse. She has told me before that she wanted a break but I begged her to stay and she did. Now she is actually gone. I was married for 5 years before I met her and my ex-wife hurt terribly. I have never been totally alone and for some reason it scares me. Should I try to get her back or what should I do. 90% of her things are still at our house along with her cat that she loves like her own child. I don't know what to do.

Thanks,
RMA

[valinors_sorrow]

Breathe in... breathe out. Its good you posted here and welcome.

It can be a very lost feeling to suddenly be without a partner. Do you best to put one foot in front of the other in a very ordinary way right now, hard though it is. Decide now how long you are willing to wait without hearing from her - no one should be asked to wait indefinitely. Try to make the amount of time you'll wait more than reasonable for her sake but keep it to yourself for now. Do not contact her - its on her to contact you, otherwise you'll infringe on her "break".

It will be tempting to reflect a lot on your relationship - try not to focus on how hurt you feel since what we focus on tends to grow. If you must look, try to look at everything, get a sense of where you were in all of it too.

Don't project - you don't know what is going to happen in the long run just yet. She may call you or you may have to call her eventually... if and only if it gets past your pre-set limit to waiting. If you call her, let her know its because of that. If she needs more time, negotiate another limited period (if you are willing) but be sure to have a "decision" date agreed on at the end.

You two will need to talk. Having searched your heart, tell her your truth then, whatever it is. Lets hope she'll do the same. Find out if its going to be either possible to work it out or necessary to call it quits. If you both express interest in working it out, maybe its time to consider some help from a professional. Maybe you could be looking into that meanwhile, just in case. Remember that it only takes one to end it though and that should be respected - no playing games there.

Sometimes the most worthwhile things in life we do are to walk through the scare to the other side and see what is there.

[Skell]

Tried to comment on your post valinor but got the spread pop up. Great Advice.
Hi rma,
Please promise me this mate... that under no circumstances will you contact her. None. I know how hard that is but it will only damage things beyond repair. There will come a time when you have to talk, and she will have to talk, but right now she is not willing to talk. Forcing her to talk will only get you answers you don't want.
Please read my first thread in respect to my situation. Same deal. Had a girlfriend for 7 years who asked for space. I was scared and lonely and didn't give it to her and it pushed her away further.
Give her time to think. She needs it and to tell you the truth as much as you don't realise it right now you need it as well.
Everyone on here understands the lonely place you are in right now. We have all been there. In fact I am still there. But rather than call her, call you friends, family. Post a message on here and I'm sure you will get someone.
I hope things work out for you. Please keep us posted and listen and use the advice you get on here. I wish I had found this board the day my ex told me she wanted space. I wouldn't have made the mistakes I did. I only got on here a month down the track when the damage I done was pretty much beyond repair.
In the mean time keep yourself busy as hard as it is. I found going for a run and working out to be a good outlet. Even though you don't even feeling like getting out of bed at the moment, try it. It might just give you a half hour of peace of mind when you can think a little clearer..
Good luck mate.

[talaniman]

Val- That was a beautiful way of putting some excellent advice.
rma-The two previous post said it all so hang in, it does get better! Good Luck!

[fredg]

Hi, Rma,
Been there, felt like that!
My 1st marriage ended in divorce after 7 yrs. I was 31 then. I was afraid to be alone, but had a lot of friends at work, and some not at work. They helped me a lot, talking and listening.
After 3 yrs, re-married now for 29 yrs.
She wants a break, and this could be the way of her saying she wants to "look around" some more. At 21, she still has a lot of things she wants to know about life and learn more about it. She may not be ready for a serious relationship with anyone yet.
What do you do? Get out, meet others. Don't call her, let her decide what she wants to do. Don't communicate with her... leave it up to her.
Your life isn't over, as I thought mine was at 31 yrs old. It takes time, and if you will meet others, it will not feel as "lonely". I do wish you the best, and good luck.

[Krs]

Hi, I'm new here but I would like some advice. My girlfriend of 3 and 1/2 years just told me Saturday that she neede some time to think abou what she wants. She took some clothes and stuff and went to stay at her parents. Now I am 28 and she is 21 and I understand that is a big age difference. We had normal relationship problems but some got progressively worse. She has told me before that she wanted a break but I begged her to stay and she did. Now she is actually gone. I was married for 5 years before I met her and and my ex-wife hurt terribly. I have never been totally alone and for some reason it scares me. Should I try to get her back or what should I do. 90% of her things are still at our house along with her cat that she loves like her own child. I don't know what to do.

Thanks,
RMA

As all of previous great responses, take note that contacting her is probably not the right thing to do.. it probably will push her further away.
She asked for space so as much as it hurts you.. give her that space.

Just one thing I say though, what ever the outcome, don't be scared to be alone, honestly :)

Good Luck.

[Chery]

Hey dear, I've only one thing to add to already wonderful advice. Please take good care of the cat, OK?

We've all been there, done that, and it does get easy, trust us.

[JoeCanada76]

Give you some space. Give her some time. If it is meant to be, she will come back. You need to let her do that on her own.

Joe

[Wildcat21]

For the Love of god!! Don't contact her!! I know this from massive amounts of experience!! Don't do it!! Don't contact her her in any way shape or form!! Give her space.

You need to go on with your life - she needs to see/think that you have MORE to life than just her. She DOESN'T want you pinning away for her.

Give her 2 months - alothough she may contact you for her stuff.

PLEASE don't contact her - PLEASE!! - if you have stuff to say, by a note book and write it all down - it helps tremendously. Then go back and read your pathetic wrottings (seriously) in a month.

SEE - you put TOO much importance into this woman. Heartache happens WHEN you put too much into something.

Genrally, I hate to say this... when this happens, she met another guy - don't be alarmed because guys come and go... has she been busy lately, work late, go out with friends more, not call as often.

I hate to be blunt, but this is what happens.