[Antlion3130]

Hello again,

I haven't done all the reading you've given me yet. It's a lot, and I have a very full time job (8-11 hours a day haha).

This morning was hard. I felt a little worse. But then I remembered what to think about, and I think I have my path to get down this road sketched out. Roughly at least. Now I just need to get moving. Ah.. the hard part.

I'm up for the challenge, these last five months have been really hard, and have touched everything in my life. I'm not going to get those two years back either as it grew into this.

I've thought about antidepressants, and have decided on this. I'll talk to my doctor about it. However I don't want to worry my mother either and specifically ask to see one. I'll bring it up at my next physical which is a few months from now.

If I don't get any better naturally, I'll go sooner. I figure this will be good practice too so I don't let them do all of the work.

I'm going to tone down watching the news. In my childhood and still to this day, I am very much into politics. However it kind of drags me down to see the state of the world today, and I don't think it helps worrying about the stresses of tomorrow.

I just now read the post you gave me a link to and it was definitely hard to swallow. That's so much to deal with and so serious. I'm not sure what to think. I'm glad it sounds like it has a happy ending.

Overall today was a bit better then Sunday. I really wish I didn't have to go to work this week though, kind of a kick in the face after all that happened this weekend.

[Unknown008]

Well, it seems that you didn't made a step backwards as you thought you would! Happy to hear that. Continue, you're on the right track and be courageous still! We're here to support you as much as we can.

[Alty]

One day at a time, on minute at a time, baby steps, work up to it, that's the way to go.

I posted the link so that you could see the kind of people that are on this site. They are wonderful caring people, all of us, at one time or another, have had something hard to deal with in our lives. For me it was my childhood and teen years, and then the death of my parents, that's when I started the anit-depressants. But, I can honestly say that I've come a very long way since I wrote that post in March, because of the people on this site.

I also posted the link to show you that you can talk to us about anything. We will not judge, we will not turn our backs on you, no matter what you say, no matter what you've done, and no matter how you feel.

You have a great outlook on the future, and I agree, you are up to the challenge! You are a strong person, you just need a push in the right direction, a bit of help to get on the right path, we all do at times.

My story, well it is still hard to deal with at times, but, I'm not a crying mess anymore, I get out of bed each day, happy to be alive, happy to be who and what I am, and looking forward to another day. That's what you will find at the end of your journey, I promise you.

Do you like your job? What kind of work do you do? What kind of work do you want to do? Find your dream, then go and fulfill it, life is too short to drag your feet doing something you hate, find something you love, you're still young, now's the time to do it. :)

I still think that meds will help balance you out, help you have an easier time during this rough patch, but waiting a while won't hurt. Do remember though, most anti-depressants take weeks sometimes months to start working, so the longer you wait, the longer it will be before they work for you.

Until then, we are here, and we are listening. I'm so proud that you're already making progress. As for the bad days, they happen, it's one of the bumps in the road, and there will be more, but they do getting smaller and there won't be as many the further down the road you get. So, don't give up, get over that bump and keep walking, your destination awaits. :)

[jrebel7]

Antlion, even your words in your posts are sounding more lifted and positive. I am so proud of you! We all are. You have been given more good thoughts tonight so I won't go into that so much. You have not lost the two years you mentioned, they have not been happy times but when you rise up from this and find joy in your spirit and begin seeing the love around you and all those who reach out to you, you will begin to put the past couple of years in perspective and what a help you will be to others.

Just reading your post and seeing that you are formulating a plan to get better and have thought through a lot of suggestions that have been shared and were able to be so articulate in your post ~~~~~~~~~ Well, I got to tell you, I see such progress. As others have shared, you will have days of struggles but they will get less intense. Stay with us here. We want you to see what a wonderfully warm person you are and the courage you are showing inspires me!

[Chery]

Hi Antlion. Glad you are still here with us and that you've made a few steps to set some valid goals.
That's the hard part, but guess what - when you decide to focus on those things close to you that you can change.. you can later think of those things that bother you about the outside. Right now though, just focus on that what is within you and the power you have to control it.

It is a one-step-at-a-time deal here and once strong enough, you can connect with the outside again and be able to put them in perspective.

Do remember that you are not alone and that you can come here to talk to us 24/7.

[linnealand]

Hello to you! I just wanted to jump in and join the chorus you've got supporting you here.

I know it's hard, but no one gets to pick their family. It's a roulette wheel, and if you're in a difficult situation because of it, your sole job is to take care of what's inside of you and to become a good person. One day you will be the only one in charge of your own life. You'll be the one who decides what your life is like. You'll be the one who gets to go as far as your legs and your heart will carry you. If you come from a supportive family, you have an extra advantage. But if you don't have that, you don't need it. You can become an incredible person without one.

There's more. I think that, as ironic as it might appear, the people who have suffered are the same people who gain the kind of wisdom that's difficult, if not impossible, to gain without it. You might feel really down right now, but I can promise you that you will love and appreciate your happiness and serenity in life in the richest way you can believe. And you WILL get back up. Your life WILL keep getting better. It WILL bring you more good than you can even imagine.

You have your entire life ahead of you, and if you can even imagine a glimpse of what gifts are yours for the keeping, you can hold your head high and step into them.

I understand your trepidation about getting help from a professional, but as soon as you do you won't believe that you waited as long as you did. It's nothing other than talking about your life and talking out your problems with someone who is safe and always, always, always on your team. And if your doctor recommends medication, there's no reason to be afraid of it! It's designed to do one thing: to take away the worst of the physiological issue so that the real you can take the steps you need to get back to your best self. You're absolutely the one who gets to make that happen, not the meds. And there are a lot of different medications out there, so your doctor is going to be able find the one that works for who YOU are.

I can understand why you might not feel like you want to tell your mom about everything, and I don't know her, but if I were you I wouldn't wait any number of months to talk to your doctor. You might find that your mom is more understanding than you think! But if you absolutely, positively are not going to talk with your mom about your situation, you might be able to find another way to talk to a doctor. Maybe you can tell your mom that you have a lot that's going on, and that it's hard being a teen, and that you think it would be good to be able to talk to a therapist about it. It IS 2008, and millions and millions of people go to psychologists and psychiatrists every single day for every reason you can imagine.

I'm really happy to know that you reached out to your friend, that your friend reached out to the forum, that you yourself reached out to the forum, and that you're stepping out the door to take care of yourself, to have compassion for yourself when you're hurting, and to believe that there really is more good out there than you could ever hope for. You just need to make yourself available to it when it happens.

I'm rooting for you! Stay strong, keep yourself inspired, and you will be amazed at what this world is here to offer you.

[Stringer]

YouTube - Christian the Lion - the full story (in HQ)

Antlion, building friendships isn't always easy, but some last forever. And sometimes it means making the first move.

Stringer

[Unknown008]

Antlion, are you still with us? How are you doing now? You haven't been posting... talk a bit of your current situation.

[starbuck8]

I have also been wondering how you are doing, and if things have gotten better for you? I hope you are well Antlion.

[Antlion3130]

Sorry,

I stopped getting email alerts on this a while ago up until yesterday.

I can't say I've really made any progress. A few days I've been worse off then when I wrote that letter.

I'm just trying to take every day one at a time and do less thinking. That seems to make it worse.

[Alty]

Antlion, remember that this is not an easy road, getting depressed, being sad, that didn't happen over night, and getting back on track won't either.

There will be bad days, bad weeks, sometimes even bad months, but you can't give up, get back on the road and keep walking.

One good thing is to keep coming here, talk to us about how you're feeling, what you're doing, what you aren't doing... we'll give you a nudge when you need it. :)

[starbuck8]

Well we are glad to see you back. We didn't forget about you. Sometimes the email alerts don't show up I know. I'm sorry that you've been feeling bad again, but even if you don't get alerts, just check in whenever you feel like talking, and there is usually someone around to talk, and get things off your mind.

I hate to hear that you are feeling worse off lately. Did you try and keep up any of the prior suggestions?

[Antlion3130]

I don't know.

I'm not sure I can walk down this road to normalcy.

[Unknown008]

Well, those email alerts are sent when there's someone posting, right? But you need to keep up posting, giving us some details of your situation. Don't forget, we are with you, and will support you. I think that when I posted, you received that email alert, but it's good you are back. See you tomorrow, perhaps!

[Unknown008]

Antliiiiiioooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnn? :echo: Are you hereeeeeeeeeeee?

[jrebel7]

Sorry,

I stopped getting email alerts on this a while ago up until yesterday.

I can't say I've really made any progress. A few days I've been worse off then when I wrote that letter.

I'm just trying to take every day one at a time and do less thinking. That seems to make it worse.

When I stop getting notifications, I tend to think no one is active on the threads but I forget that sometimes, the notifications just don't appear... a glitch perhaps in the system at times... just go to AMHD website and click on "My Profile" at the top of the page. It will show a list of threads that have been active that you have been on then just click on "last" if you want on the last page of the posts of that question. You probably already know this but I have to remind myself of that sometimes so just thought I would suggest.

[jrebel7]

I don't know.

I'm not sure I can walk down this road to normalcy.

Just a little reminder that when people talk about "Normalcy" or "Functional" I must remind myself that what is normal or functioning for some, seems a bit off track to others. Try not to compare your life to someone you view as "Normal" of "Functional" and each day just make decisions that make you happy and gives you a sense of accomplishment, as the others have said, "One step at a time". All people put up a façade of sorts as they go through each day so when we view others, they may seem to have it 'all togther', so to speak when in fact, we all deal with issues of some sort each day. Personally, I enjoy people who seem to be a bit off what most consider the normal track. They are more interesting and they tend to view life from a more interesting perspective than I. It helps me to realize each of us have worth... each of us apply ourselves differently... that doesn't mean we are not what we are suppose to be. I imagine lots of people view me as "not the norm". One supervisor told me at work, "You just march to the beat of your own drum, don't you"? I said, "I guess I do and I sure do like it!" That made her laugh and me to.

At times, because I am not like most people around me and sort of walking the path alone, it makes me feel different and like I don't fit. But that is when I take stock of my life, list in my head what I enjoy, what I don't enjoy, and then realize if I kept trying to fit into the mold that is pretty much considered the normal in our society, I would be the most unhappy person around. So I continue on, being the person I am, realizing that is the "norm" for me.

[Unknown008]

Wow, it's been a while now, nearly a year. I wonder how everything is going? :rolleyes: