Hi, I Have a good friend of mine who's been battling depression for a past couple years, and he's been opening up to me and I've afraid that I'm giving him the wrong Advice, This is less about me and more about him. Just now He sent me a letter he recently sent to a Suicide Hotline Service
Hi,
I've been dealing with depression for a few years now, and it's gotten quite severe now. For so long my life is void of any joy. I know that seems like an exaggeration, but I walk around in a state of depression, or a blank numb state. I also struggle with self loathing. I've tried to better myself, quality of life, and relationships. No matter how hard I try I always seem to bore my friends. I'm always quiet, and withdrawn from them, and everyone else for that matter. They never ask to do anything with me, and whenever I am around them I feel so unwelcome. I try so hard to talk more, to be more interesting, and it never works. I wish I could simply talk.
Recently I have one friend who I could talk to about this. She's been the only person I can to into detail about what I've been going through. I worry though that she pities me. No one ever seems to make any attempt to interact with me when I seem fine. I was supposed to call her tonight and she gave me a time to call her. However she blew me off and I need somebody to talk to more then ever. I worry she's growing bored of me or stopped caring. Maybe she doesn't even care at all.
I feel so alone. Nobody genuinely seems to want me around unless they pity me. My relationship with my family is so broken. I have little relationship with my mother. I wonder what kind of person I am if I'm not well liked in my family.
My father seems to be getting tired of me. Sometimes he is the only person that kept me from killing myself. He said some extremely hurtful things and I don't know what to do after tonight.
My step father has choked me when I was a boy. He even outright has yelled at me at all my flaws, and how much he hates me.
I believe every single one of them.
I'm starting to contemplate suicide very heavily. I don't have anyone to lean on it seems. Nobody ever wants to be around me. I have no joy in life anymore, and I wonder what I'm doing here still. I hate myself so much, there is a reason why this is happening to me, it's my own doing. I try to change so much, I never get anywhere.
I started to cut myself the other day. I don't know what else to do. I hate myself, and I found it to be a good way to vent my feelings on myself. I've also choked myself before this.
I've lost almost all interest in my hobbies and things like that. I don't know what to do. All I want to do is lay in bed and sulk, maybe being fortunate enough to be graced with the gift of unconsciousness and not having to constantly deal with my depression. I've thought that if death is like that, then it must be the best thing I could ever go through in the world.
I'm so scared. I don't think I'm going to be here in a few months. The only thing keeping me from going ahead with it is the little shred of me saying that I could have a brighter future. One where I'm wanted, where people care about me, enjoy me, care about me, and vice versa. I don't know how long it will be until I see that day. I don't even know if it'll happen or if I'll make it there.
Death sounds so soothing right now. I wish I could enjoy life, but I don't. I don't see any point in living it anymore. I know people have their ups and downs, but I only have downs. I have nothing to live for, no passion for anything, nobody to turn to, nothing.
I don't know what to do anymore. I guess the little shred of me is trying to stay alive. With my less then exemplary self, I doubt that life will ever be any better. Most of me is thinking I'll constantly have to deal with this.
I'm so sorry this email is so scattered. My mind is racing and I'm so scared and depressed. I stopped thinking clearly a while ago.
Thanks so much for any help you can offer me.
Here's What they said back
Hi,
It is so sad to hear that you feel that your life is devoid
of any joy, such a descriptive phrase to use. You obviously
have a great gift of expression, do you find that it helps to
release some of the pain when you express it on paper?
You talk about death as a form of unconsciousness and
therefore an escape from your depression but is that the only
way out from the blackness? What other strategies have you
considered or tried, you mentioned that you found it helpful
to confide in a friend but that sometimes the friend choked
you off.No matter how well meaning,a friend may suffer from
other pressures and not be able to always provide the empathy
that you need, which does not mean that they don't care.
Depression is such a dark tunnel to go through but the little
shred of you that considers the possibility of a brighter
future is the pinprick of light at the other end.
You ask what help we can offer, we can listen to your
feelings without judging you and we care. If a listening ear
can help you in any way as you struggle through this time of
pain we are here.
