[CURIOUS08]

Hi... I have a brief story and would like some advice.
About 10 years ago, I hooked up at a party with my friends brother. I was about 18.. he was 16. After that, we both developed crushes on each other, but nothing ever happened because he was afraid of his sister and I was leaving for school.
Being that I am very close with his sister, we would see each other on occasion. I have met and have been around his girlfriends... and there has never been any akward tension. Back in November, I went by their house because my girlfriend was in town. That same week, I needed to ask my girlfriend a question about her brothers friend that a friend of mine new. She gave me her brothers email and told me to ask him... which I did. He was so happy to hear from me and at that time kept pestering to hang out. I had a boyfriend at this time but the relationship was rocky which he knew about. We did hang out... watched a movie... a few weeks later he took me to my birthday party in the city as my date since my boyfriend was traveling. We were both developing some kind of feelings. He would send me poems he would write... and keep pestering me to hang out with him. After a while, I knew this was wrong as I was trying to make things work with my boyfriend and therefore stopped communication with him. We did not speak for about 8 months. Occasionally we would exchange emails like "hi, how are you" but that was it.

I recently saw him at my friends party at his house. The entire time he would come around me, would ask if I wanted or needed anything, would come by me and slide his hand across my waist, sat and watched a movie with me... etc... I left that night. The next day he emails me to see if I had a good time... in which I respond. He starts saying that we should hang out... He tells me that he would like that but he's not looking for anything... however, if the right girl came around then he would see what to do... I explained to him that I was not into the friends with benefits thing. He has known me since he was 12 so I know he knows how I am... and he has respect for me. We both understood each other and yet went out anyway. I am separated from my boyfriend at the time... Everything went well. After dinner, we go back to his house.. I whind up talking to his mom for an hour... and I get ready to leave. He starts nuzzling over to me... hugging me... and then tries to kiss me which I stop because I didn't want feelings involved. I left... With that he text me that maybe I should stay away... I text back, "if you say so, but you would be the lucky one.. too bad the feelings aren't mutual"... With that I figure I'm not going to hear from him again... next morning... another email... next thing you know... we have a dinner date the following wed. It wound up being his mothers birthday that day so I was invited to the house for cake and dinner... I wound up going out later to a movie with him and his brother which I was not going to go. He made sure I was taken care of at the house with everything... I made a lot of the moves... at the movies.. I put my head on his shoulder.. and he put his hand on my leg and kept it there the whole time.
We were just talking on email before making plans for Friday night...
My curiosity is... is this guy interested in me? I mean... it's very hard to tell... Why tell me to stay away and everything else, yet want to be around me... why cross over the friends line when he knew what I stood for... I don't want to ask him questions and pressure him but just want to get some insight. I like him a lot... and there is something definitely between us... I don't know if it's because of his sister... or the fact I shot him down the last time or what it is... but at one point he was telling me that I never know what is meant to be... I find it very odd that he keeps coming in and out of my life for the past 10 years... and mostly this year. Any insight on what this guy might possibly be thinking would be great :) Thanks

[princeblu12]

Tooooooooooooooooooooo long to read

[CURIOUS08]

Sorry but I felt I needed to write the whole scenario so people can understand.

[princeblu12]

Sol right. Just I don't really like reading. How old are you?

[CURIOUS08]

I'm 30... and if you think mine is long, you should see some of the others on here.

[lmangileri]

tooooooooooooooooooooo long to read

It's not too long to read. If you know how to read you should be OK. Anyway, it sounds to me like he does like you from the way he acts around you and I know you don't want to ask him but it really sounds like you need to sit down and talk with him about what he wants because not knowing is no fun. How old is he now?

[princeblu12]

It is tooooooo long to read. It takes like 5 minutes to read it. OK three.. u have a different opinion but I don't like reading

[CURIOUS08]

He's 28 now... I'm 30... a lot more mature than 16 and 18... He's definitely not the type where he wants to be chased or anything like that. He doesn't like to discuss feeling and emotions until there is a right time and to him stuff like that is for a serious face to face conversation. When we are together, we are enjoying each other... not so much talking about what we want... taking it for what it's worth... I know that he has been hurt in the past and has dated some nutty girls...

[CURIOUS08]

Hey Princeblu... instead of constantly saying it's too long to read lol, could you give me your advice on the situation.. I would like to hear different peoples input... thanks! :)

[princeblu12]

Sorry curio. Can u give me three minutes to read it first. Thxs

[lmangileri]

I would come right out and tell him how you feel- I know this won't be easy but just tell him that you like him. You know? Tell him that not knowing what he thinks of the situation is bothering you. It will feel better to know and not wonder anymore. It sounds to me like he likes you but it seems like he's also giving mixed signals.

[princeblu12]

Anyway, it sounds to me like he does like you from the way he acts around you and I know you don't want to ask him but it really sounds like you need to sit down and talk with him about what he wants because not knowing is no fun. How old is he now?

I think imangiler is right. Try getting close to each other and tell him how you feel about him.

I am not trying to force you but cmon give it a shot

[CURIOUS08]

I know I know.. it's hard to do that... I'm not that forward lol... It sux but it's exciting at the same time I guess... however, I think two dates is too little to have that kind of talk. I am just trying to see what another guy or so thinks of the situation. Friday will hopefully be the third date.

[lmangileri]

well if you're going on dates, I would say that's a good sign that he likes you. =)

[CURIOUS08]

Yeah... I would like a few guys to comment on the situation... maybe they could understand more what is going on in his head! Lol

[talaniman]

Don't be so confused, as you are giving him the green light to pursue. Keep dating and see where it leads or nip it in the bud.

Your familiar with each other but your still strangers with a lot to learn, so have fun doing that, and leave the questions and assumptions for later. The point is being honest with yourself and how you feel, and not look to far in the future with high expectations.

Above all, go slow and pay attention, and don't get caught up in just feelings. Stay objective, and realistic.

Much to soon for serious talk of a future together.

[CURIOUS08]

Thank you Tan... I agree with that it's too soon to have a talk about feelings and what not. What I don't understand is why a guy would first say he's not looking for anything... then say maybe I should stay away, but yet accept the dates and go out... We do know each other pretty well. Even Friday night I was out with mutual people with know and one of the guys asked for his number to see how he was doing. Text him and said I said hello. He text me back telling me to have fun and be safe. It's a very interesting dilemma.

[talaniman]

What I don't understand is why a guy would first say he's not looking for anything... then say maybe I should stay away, but yet accept the dates and go out...

Guys are like that. Yes we are. He was being polite and the time to swish him off was, "then say maybe I should stay away", but you didn't. Hope you see how your words, or actions keep leaving the door open, Your showing interest, so of course he is following.

[CURIOUS08]

I hope you are right. We go back awhile considering how close I am with his family... Now his mom is wondering what is going on with us.

[CURIOUS08]

Hello everyone again: So, now I am going to see this guy I have been speaking about on Friday. Under the circumstances, is there anything I should do to make it known that I like him and get him to open up a little more?