[MimiGirl]

Ive been married for 4 months and I feel like Iam head over heels in love with the man Iam with.. I want to be with him every second of the day, I think about him almost all the time.. I work as a receptionist-as a matter of fact Iam working right now.. My major problem is that lately I have been thinking so negative about him.. For example: right now Iam at work and he is at home I tend to wonder what is he doing and sometimes think that he is hiding something from me.. I think this way cause I caught him having problems with pornography (honestly when I found out that he would do those things behind my back and that we just had a few months of marriage, just newlyweds, I felt really hurt inside.. Ive always had a thing with my appearance and by him doing that it makes me wonder if I satisfy him completely as woman.. When men look at those things, it makes us girls think, what is it that she(porn star) has that I don't.. ).. A few weeks ago we had our honeymoon and I admit he did spend a lot.. but now he is more upsess on doing overtime to make up for all that loss.. dont get me wrong understand the situation but I miss him like crazy at times.. Tonite he works from 6pm-6am (night shift) which means Ill be sleeping alone tonight.. Sometimes I feel like Iam more in love with him than he with me and that's something that bugs me I guess.. He doesn't get turned on when I kiss or caress him, he doesn't get turned on when Iam wearing a sexy outfit-Ive asked him why he doesn't get heated up by these things (cause I clearly remember before marriage he would get turned on by just my kisses and outfits) and his response is that inorder for me to turn him on NOW I would have to tickle his "downstairs".He also mentioned that he would get turned on more easily before marriage cause he would wear jeans that would touch his sensitive area and with my kisses and other things that would just heat up things more. Another thing, aren't newlyweds suppose to have sex almost everyday at first? I feel sometimes that it isn't the case here and if it is Iam the one always asking 4 it.. Sometimes I wonder if I try to hold myself back how long he would take for him to ask for sex.. maybe that's a test that I should do just to see... I feel like Iam the one who is more upssesed with him.. I don't know what to do-I mean, I honestly don't want to be with someone who doesn't fully love me.. Iam afraid to get hurt in the end.. Then there are times when he hugs and snuggles with me and tells me how much he loves me.. iam just so confused

[JBeaucaire]

You need to relax and get comfortable in your own skin.

"I think he's hiding something from me." Of course he is. Everyone has secrets. Don't think getting married gives you license to every single thought and tiddle. It might happen, but it's not required for you two to be happy.

I think this way cause I caught him having problems with pornography (honestly when I found out that he would do those things behind my back.....When men look at those things, it makes us girls think, what is it that she (porn star) has that I don't.)) Guys look at porn, and doing it "behind your back" is an odd way to think of it. Does he have the option with you to do it in front of you? I don't think so.

Girls gossip and guy don't get that/appreciate it. Girls analyze everything and guys usually don't/don't appreciate that, either. Guys look at porn and girls don't get that.

Guys - visual. Girls - verbal. Different creatures, different habits, different secrets. The only time this is a PROBLEM is when it becomes addictive and debilitating, like any addiction. Or, it becomes a problem when we MAKE it one by blowing the issue up into more than it is.

Girls want to think guys looking at porn is a reflection of something wrong with you, and it's not. He was looking at porn from teenage years. It's an old "thrill".

If you want to know what she has that you don't... the answer is "naked pictures of herself in provocative poses". That's about it. It's not about you at all, though, but in your dislike of it, you can certainly make it ABOUT you. Unfortunate.

Looking at porn doesn't make it an addiction. You just don't like it. Gossiping and overanalyzing isn't an addiction unless it interferes with your ability to have healthy friendships/relationships. Everything in moderation, OK?

However...
"I've always had a thing with my appearance and by him [looking at porn] makes me wonder if I satisfy him completely as woman." Good that you realize this is about your own insecurity. And you should realize it's your responsibility to not put your insecurities on him, just like it's his responsibility to keep his junk off your shoulders.

"Sometimes I feel like I am more in love with him than he [is] with me and that's something that bugs me, I guess." Another interesting observation. People don't love identically. Where did you get the idea they needed to or even would? It's not a helpful thought process at all. Again, comparing "love levels" is your own insecurity interfering with your life. I'd examine that more and work on it.

He doesn't get turned on when I kiss or caress him...his response is that in order for me to turn him on NOW i would have to tickle his "downstairs" You're not dating, you're married. Just because the sex drive is changed and inspired different ways isn't a bad thing, unless you MAKE it so in your mind.

You know he needs/wants more manual stimulation, so you use it. That's pretty simple, isn't it? Are you overthinking this, too? You know what it takes and how it affects him now, and you DON'T want to do it... why, exactly? Just because you didn't have to before? That's not a very loving, wifely attitude.

"...aren't newlyweds suppose to have sex almost everyday at first?" Are they? Sounds good, but again, where did you get that from? You do need to live in the relationship you have, not something you've read about in a mag or seen on a show somewhere.

"Sometimes I wonder if I try to hold myself back how long he would take for him to ask for sex..maybe that's a test that i should do just to see." No, I wouldn't recommend that at all. Just the opposite. Men are pretty simple creatures, we are motivated by specific things. Being ignored will have the opposite affect you want, that's my prediction.

Send me a PRIVATE MESSAGE (click on my name and send me a private message) and I will forward some reading material suggestions to you. I think a little ACTUAL research on your part might help you get exactly what you're after, and strongly... but not the ways I see you thinking and fretting now.

You're newlywed, so there is a LOT of adjustments that will occur over the coming years. You can do it, but you need the right attitude about it. It's not a fatalistic process at all.

[Smoked]

Can I start with a plea? Please use paragraphs. =)

So he has had a problem with pornography? Is it a problem because you don't like it or he abuses looking at it? Has he stopped because you want him to or is he still looking at it behind you back?

It's a concern when you are in a newer relationship and one of the people in that relationship say something like " I don't really trust you". Now, I know that isn't exactly what you said but you get my point. You need to sit down with your significant other and tell him your concerns. You need to define what you find to be acceptable and not (concerning porn for example).

Also, may I suggest you speak to him regarding your feelings, your wanting to be more intimate, and see what he says. Communication is the key.

[talaniman]

I think your letting your fears, insecurities, and inexperience, flavor your judgment. Some of your expectations may not be that realistic as you have put a lot on yourself, and your unsuspecting new husband. Talk to your new husband, in a relaxed calm atmosphere.