[clock]

Hi All, I had been with my partner for years, he ended it a year ago. Since then I have felt in limbo, wondering if there is a chance for people that love each other, even though we had allot of problems. Looking back over the years there have been many episodes of anger/drinking/drugs, however I often had trouble proving the last two. I would ask him and he would denie either drinking to excess or having taken drugs. I though I was going mad, that I was anxious and paranoid - when in fact he just lied about his problems. Of course over the years it wasn't all bad, he is the kindest man I have ever met, I loved/love him and thought he trully loved me but had problems. He would do such nice things and I honestly think I will never meet anyone who loves me as much as he did/does. I tried to help him, forgiving him and giving him losts of chances. I got to the point where I couldn't trust him and even though he said he had changed I didn't believe him. I probably made his life a nightmare, I had become possessive, asking him where he had been/where he was going, in constant fear that he was drunk/taking drugs/interested in other women. When he drank, he wouldn't come home, I would wait all night and when he came back he would shout at me. I feel very stupid as throughout the years him and his friends would be taking drugs and I suspected it but couldn't prove it. I never fitted in with his crowd and I knew they didn't like me (probably because he had told them to hide the drugs).Towards the end there were several horrible arguments, he ended it as he knew I couldn't forgive him. He then changed his mind and asked for me back over the period of a year. I never stopped loving him but could not go back to the shouting/anxiety/suspician. Not fair on me or him (if he genuinely has changed). He siad he no longer has a drink and hasn't touched drugs either after we finished or for a year before.I tried to cease contact as I couldn't get over him, he rang often and I felt like he needed me to support him over the break up. I have to admit that knowing that he loved me made the break up easier. He was too upset to end contact so we have continued for a year, he told me he loved me a few weeks ago, said he will love me till the day he dies.He called recently to tell me he has met someone else, I am utted and finding this very difficult to cope with. Can't bear the thought of him being with someone else.. I know this is childish but I am being honest. I feel totally confused and feel its very unfair that he has sorted himself out, is now everythng I wanted but he has chose someone else.I can't cut off contact because he owes me money and if I don't stay on good terms I think he might not pay me back. I can not cope with him being with this other person, my self-esteem has hit an all time low. I have not looked at another bloke since him.If two people do love each other, even if one of them is frightened to death about having heir heart broken again, is it not inevitable that they will get back together? Of course if her loves his new partner, he deserves a fresh start with no history, I feel like I've has a knife suck in me for a year and its just been twisted. Appreciate any knid words/advice.

[talaniman]

Hello Clock, putting aside the part about him changing, which is debatable, the facts are you left, and with very good reason, but you can't know if it will be different another time around.

As you say you have years of history, and never have you healed, and moved on in your own mind, rather always holding out hope that things would change.

That's what you need now, healing regrouping, and rebuilding. Give yourself a chance to let the emotional dust settle, get healthy, and build the life that makes you happy, just for yourself.

Its time to put the past where it belongs, and take the lessons learned with you into your future. It's time to let go. It will take time, but there is really no hurry, so love yourself for a change. You have spent enough time on others, so now its your turn.

[clock]

I didn't leave him, but now it feels like its me who ended it. Therefore is my own fault, I'm sat alone, unhappy because I didn't trust him. Giving him the opportunity to find love with someone else. How can love just disappear? How can you just move on from love, my first love, he's all I've ever known.

[talaniman]

Then its time to learn more. We all have to keep moving, that's just life. You will cope with your feelings and move on. We all do!! In time you will be glad you did. Start now, and love yourself.