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polandspring · Jul 15, 2007, 12:48 PM

OK, so here is my situation:

I have been in nyc for an internship and my boyfriend of one month has been in europe for 6 weeks on a summer trip since he just graduated college. We spent a month together before we both left on our little trips and everything was great... we spend almost everyday together. He is the person who initiated everything in the relationship... from the first date and kiss to wanting to hang out and even the first I love you. He wrote notes, left me little videos to come home to and also told me every chance he had that he misses me.

Now, everything has been all peachy until he traveled from germany to spain. In spain there was a girl he was staying with that I was worried about. I had a feeling there was something going on there. So I asked him about it and he said he would never do such a thing. Anyway, I wrote him sweet emails and such, but he never replied. It seemed as if he completely wanted to ignore me since going to spain. My friends told me not to worry, but I knew something was different. So I talked to him a couple of days ago over webcam where I told him about our plans for when he comes to visit me in nyc in a couple weeks. He said that they sounded very expensive and didn't want me spending this money on him. I said its not a big deal. He then said that there is something he had to tell me... and was going to wait until coming to nyc to do it... but he said he didn't have feelings for me anymore.

He said while in spain and hanging out with that girl, he had so much fun with her (just as friends). He also said that he had a lot of time to think and he really doesn't have feelings for me.

Needless to say, I was extremely hurt since just a couple weeks before that, everything was more than perfect. I wrote him a very very long email explaining my confusion. I asked him how one week he could be so sweet and now he all of a sudden has no feelings for me. He said I made a good point, because he never lied when he said all those nice things. He said it might be the distance that is making him feel this way. I asked for a second chance when he comes to nyc to see how things work out. He agreed to it.

I just don't know if I should continue with this. He is coming to nyc for sure, but it's my choice whether it will be a "couple" weekend or just a weekend of friends hanging out. I have already been hurt and by going through a weekend with him, just to probably get dumped at the end will hurt me even more. I'm just not sure what he will do or what I will do.

Any suggestions??

Sorry for the sentence structure.. it kept telling me to use less capital letters.

talaniman · Jul 15, 2007, 04:12 PM

If a few weeks of vacation fun can change his feelings, then I would think long and hard, before I gave him my heart again. Maybe this is a sign you are moving to fast, and giving too much of yourself, to early. A month is not a long time to know some one, and you should slow down, before you rush into even more heart break.

serena6878 · Jul 15, 2007, 04:45 PM

talaniman is right. Love might be too weak if it could not endure the test of this short time and distance.
Someday he will be back and leave that girl too. If he has such an attitude towards relationship, he would not satisfy that girl either.
Let it naturally goes on with him. Do not be anxious and sad. It is a beginning of life.
Good luck!

PamelaAnn077 · Jul 15, 2007, 05:04 PM

Hi Serena: I am a firm believer in "closure" in any relationship you've had strong feelings about. Since you haven't been able to talk with your boyfriend face-to-face yet, I think that's important to do when he returns. You have given time and attention to him (and it sounds like he has done the same) and so a conversation about what's happened between you two is more than appropriate at this point. I don't know if I'd pursue your original plans for his return (spending money, going out all weekend, etc.) but certainly an evening or an afternoon spent together talking would be helpful for both you and him if you feel you can guard your heart and talk over your feelings at the same time! Another thing I want to add is that his behavior is not that unusual for someone going through a life transition (i.e. graduating from college) Such transitions can be a time to reflect, re-evaluate, figure out who you are and where you want to go with your life and sometimes that hurts other people. It may not have been his intention, but that's what might have happened. I just think... for both your sakes... a conversation in the interest of closure and understanding (and perhaps introspection!) would be in order. I wish you the best!

s_cianci · Jul 15, 2007, 05:38 PM

You've only known this guy for a month. That's far too soon to expect any kind of long-term commitment from him. At that point, even before your webcam conversation and subsequent lengthy e-mail, I don't think it was reasonable for the two of you to consider yourselves "boyfriend and girlfriend." I think you've led yourself on, possibly for a big let-down. This guy is no doubt enjoying playing the field right now and probably isn't ready to settle down anytime soon.

polandspring · Jul 15, 2007, 06:57 PM

Thanks for all the replies. We are definitely going to sit down and talk about this when he gets here. I know a lot of you said a month isn't long at all, but when you spend everyday together and talk to each other non stop in that month, things can get a little serious. I don't doubt that I'm moving too fast, but I feel that he was moving fast... until he went to Europe, had a talk with a girl, and realized he didn't have feelings for me anymore. All I know is that a talk is needed along with a big slow down.