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jig6saw8 · Aug 15, 2008, 12:50 AM

I met my boyfriend 10 weeks ago, we knew each other 9 years ago but at the time he was 24 and I was 17 and thought he was too old for me. When we met up again I told him I had a 7 year old son, he too had a baby daughter and gone through a difficult time and was unable to see his daughter. I let him move into my house and we were so in love and he was brilliant with my son. My little boy loved him and asked him if he could call him dad, I thought I had finanly found "The One" I noticed in the few weeks we were together that he had to have drink everyday. He wasn't working (he did look for work and went after a lot of jobs) when he went to town he always ended up in th epub and at night he always had 6 to 8 cans of larger (every night) once when we had no money he drank my archers what had been in my cupboard for months, is he an alcoholic?
He was never nasty to me not until I came on holiday with my son and mother for a month the holiday had been planned over a year ago. From day one he used every excuse in the world to get me to go home, threats wanting me to send him money. After finding out I was pregnant and all the stress of the hassle I asked him to leave my house, my two brothers had to get him to leave as he wouldn't go. He says he is sorry and loves me and my son but he still doesn't admit he has a drink problem, have I done the right thing?

Confused G

nickeknew · Aug 15, 2008, 01:10 AM

I think he has just gone through tough times and used drinking to feel better

starbuck8 · Aug 15, 2008, 01:11 AM

You have not only done the right thing, you have done the best thing! Nothing good can come out of this if you stay with him. Do not settle, just because you want a man around. Your son doesn't need to be around any of this behaviour. If and when this guy gets himself the help he needs, for whatever problems he has, you should focus more on your son and how he will be soak up everything he sees happening around him. You owe that to your son.

You may think your son needs a male role model in his life... but you have to be careful what kind of message that role model is sending out to your child.

ylaira · Aug 15, 2008, 01:16 AM

He financially abuses you so yes you did the right thing.

starbuck8 · Aug 15, 2008, 01:16 AM

Originally Posted by nickeknew

I think he has just gone through tough times and used drinking to feel better

Are you kidding? He can go on drinking if he wants, but without her, her son and yet to be born baby around. He sounds like he has a streak of violence in him, and that is not a good example for her son. If he sorts out his problems, well then that is a different situation.

Edit: Oh, and yes. If he is sneaking booze, he is an alcoholic.

nickeknew · Aug 15, 2008, 01:16 AM

I agree you should wait for him to admit and if he doesn't you should wait a few weeks before introducing any new dates because the change might be to fast

nickeknew · Aug 15, 2008, 01:20 AM

Im not saying its right I'm saying he made a bad choice and if he doesn't fix it it means he doesn't love you

starbuck8 · Aug 15, 2008, 01:30 AM

Originally Posted by jig6saw8

I met my boyfriend 10 weeks ago, we knew each other 9 years ago but at the time he was 24 and i was 17 and thought he was too old for me. When we met up again i told him i had a 7 year old son, he too had a baby daughter and gone through a difficult time and was unable to see his daughter. I let him move into my house and we were so in love and he was brilliant with my son. My little boy loved him and asked him if he could call him dad, i thought i had finanly found "The One" I noticed in the few weeks we were together that he had to have drink everyday. He wasn't working (he did look for work and went after a lot of jobs) when he went to town he always ended up in th epub and at night he always had 6 to 8 cans of larger (every night) once when we had no money he drank my archers what had been in my cupboard for months, is he an alcoholic?
He was never nasty to me not until i came on holiday with my son and mother for a month the holiday had been planned over a year ago. From day one he used every excuse in the world to get me to go home, threats wanting me to send him money. After finding out i was pregnant and all the stress of the hassle i asked him to leave my house, my two brothers had to get him to leave as he wouldnt go. He says he is sorry and loves me and my son but he still doesn't admit he has a drink problem, have i done the right thing?

confused G

If this guy is showing his true colors after only 10 weeks of dating, what does the natural sequence of events tell you? Do you think this was a one time incident? Do you think he will never do any of this again? Do you think this is the last time he will ask you for money? Do you think this is the last time your family members will have to remove him? RUN!. run away fast! Yes unfortunately you have brought another baby into this, when you have been dating a whole 10 weeks! He will likely leave you with all of the responsibilities like the other guy, and you new baby will ask if he can call the new guy Dad too! :rolleyes:

jig6saw8 · Aug 19, 2008, 12:11 AM

Thanks for all your comments. My boyfriend has now been to the doctors and is starting this Friday going to the A.A. As I'm still out of the country my sister-in-law is going with him. He has told me he has had a drink problem for 15 years and only admitted it now. The doctor gave him a blood and urine test, will this show if he has liver damage? The doctor also told him not to stop altogether as it could be dangerous (he has been drinking 90 + units a week) He has the shakes and has been sick and he is very emotional. He still doesn't seem to understand that I won't let him live at my house, he is living at my parents which is only 5 minutes away from me. When I try to explain to him why I don't want him to live at mine he says "What kind of relatioship is that?" He told me things that he'd been told but I had to question them and he said it was like I didn't believe him and what kind of relationship is that without trust. I told him I found it hard to believe him after everything that has happened over the last few weeks and all of the lies he has told, then he said I thought you were not going to bring all that up again if I got help, I can't win!
The holiday is coming to an end (not much of a holiday though with all of this) and I know when I get back home and talk things over with him he is going to try and pressure me into letting him move back into my home as he says he needs me there to support him as he feels depressed. I know I have to be strong, I do love him but I can't let him move back in with me until he has himself sorted out, I think he should be grateful that my mother is letting him stay there for a few months, does anyone agree?

isabelle · Aug 20, 2008, 04:42 AM

I agree that you not only did the right thing but the only thing. I believe he should not even be with your parents. Cut this thing off now. You need to think only of your son and this can not be good for him.
Having him with your parents can only give this man false hopes. You and your son deserve so much more.