[wwmichigan]

I've known my boyfriend for a month. We've been together about everyday for 2 weeks now. Is it too soon for sex?

I'm a really horny person and I tend to want to have sex.. alot. My boyfriend and I mess around and get naked together but if I get on top of him, he freaks out. Ive put him in me twice and both times he's pulled out. I keep thinking something is wrong with me. He says its because he is afraid he is going to lose me? Because his last girlfriend he had sex with went crazy when he tried breaking up with her. I tried telling him it was probably because he was her first or something. I really want to respect that he doesn't want to have sex with me, but it's hard for me. Especially if he pulls me on top of him and teases me.. I don't know what to do!

I honeslty don't want him to base this relationship off his last one, but I guess that is just the way it goes, right?

[Clough]

I think that it would first help others who might answer your post to know how old you and he are in order to provide the best responses.

In my opinion, I think that you should wait a long time before becoming so intimate with anyone. Relationships that last for many years aren't built on sex but many other things.

Thanks!

[wwmichigan]

We're both 18. I guess I move way too fast in relationships. I just wish there was a way for me to want it less.

[Clough]

It's very normal for people your age to want to have sex. It's part of being human and how we are made so that the human race can continue. What other things do you like to do in your life?

[wwmichigan]

I like to swim and play volleyball. I guess I could try to focus on that.

[Clough]

Thanks! Those are both sport-oriented things. Anything else to which you might be drawn to do or have ambition to do?

Yes. You should focus on other things. It's a matter of choice.

[wwmichigan]

Well thanks. I just don't think we'll EVER have sex. Which I know shouldn't bother me if I truly like him that much. But it's just difficult is all.

[Clough]

Is this guy the one with whom you think that you might like to spend the rest of your life? Would you like him to be the father of your children?

Just food for thought here...

[wwmichigan]

It's too soon to say that..

[Clough]

It's too soon to say that..

You're right on the mark there! Then, as far as I'm concerned, it's too soon to be having sex with him!

Why not save yourself for the person with whom you truly know is going to be the one for you?

There are many men and women who appreciate the fact that the person that they love and want to be with for life waited for just the right person before committing themselves physically.

[wwmichigan]

All right, thank you.

[carriefox]

I think you should wait until your boyfriend is ready. The more preassure that is put on him,the more he is not going to want to have sex. :)

[wwmichigan]

Agreed. Thanks.

[Clough]

Are you okay with what I have been telling you? Do you know a little bit more as to how you might cope with having the desires that you do?

We could continue to discuss and focus on you and what you can do so that you have a happy and fulfilling life based upon the good choices that you make and the things that you want to do.

I do a variety of things. All of them are fulfilling to me. They are also things that I don't have to regret that I have done them because I have done them well and they don't involve the creation of another being that will need to be taken care of.

Having sex is something that is temporary, but, doing it can lead to having to make choices based upon the consequences of what happens because it's been done. There are many other things that a person can make the choice to do that are permanent and can lead to many other opportunities. Having sex too soon doesn't necessarily lead to other opportunities but most often to consequences that are irreversible with which you will have to deal and sometimes, can be quite unpleasant, depending on the circumstances.

I am also the father to two children. I have dated many women and know what it's like to want what you do.

We do care about you here! :)

[wwmichigan]

Well, I just want him to understand where I'm coming from is all. I don't want him to base OUR relationship off his last one. Because it's not going to be exactly the same. I'm a different person.

[Clough]

I know that you want him to understand where you're coming from. But, he most likely has made some valid points as far as not wanting to lose you. But, his drive to have sex is also strong.

How about cooling it on the sex issue with him and just spending time getting to know each other in other ways?

If what he does teases you and leads you into ways that you know the two of you aren't ready to go into, how about telling him that it makes you uncomfortable and why it makes you uncomfortable?

You are in charge as far as what he might want to do with you physically. He can't do anything physical without your permission, or he will have to face the consequences in one way or another as to what he has done.

[wwmichigan]

Yeah, but he likes to be physical with me.. just not go all the way. And it's hard for me to be intimate with him and NOT go all the way. You know?

[Clough]

Yeah, I do know what that's about. But, like I said, you are in charge of anything physical that might happen. How about explaining to him the way that you feel and setting some goals/plans with him as far as other things that the two of you might do together?

[wwmichigan]

Yeah that sounds good.

[Clough]

Okay. I hope that the dialogue that you and I have been having has been helpful to you. But, I'm not quite sure.

Would you please care to elaborate on a plan that you might have now in dealing with your present boyfriend concerning his wants and needs and also yours?

Thanks!