[Hebe Ting]

I've been dating a western guy for nearly 2 years.
I wasn't born in a western country so I knew from the very beginning that some cultural gap would influence our relationship.
Till now, other things are fine except the financial problems.
In my culture, guys are supposed to pay much more than women. Especially in a relationship, guys are supposed to pay the bigger part.
I know I should not judge him totally according to my standards. But some of his behaviour is becoming unacceptable for me. So I hope some western girls can help me with the question to give him a fair judge.

I am still doing my master degree and he's been working for 3 years.
But when it comes to our Bdays, what he gave me is always a disappointment.Things like towels, cheap earings or necklace that turn black when you wear it more than one month. What I give him were some designer clothes or accessories even it cost me a large fortune.
And his reason was I paid AIR TICKETS or TRAIN TICKETS to see you!
He RARELY propose me to a dinner. It is always ME propose to have a dinner or drinks and he is always slow in payment. So many times it was me paying the bill.

When we start living together, what he likes to do is STAYING AT HOME, when we do some groceries at the supermarket, he does not want ANYTHING even he knows that there is nothing in the fridge!

Recently, we took a travel to another country and at the station he told me that his credit card was denied by the machine. So I said okay I still have mine.And the rest of the days he just let me pay for EVERYTHING!
He still can get some cash from the machine using his debit card but he didn't and finally he felt guilty maybe seeing me spend too much money, he FINALLY went to the cash machine and took out some money and it was only 20 POUNDS! The 20 pounds were not enough for our dinner and I had to take out another 15 pounds to pay the bill.
I was really disappointed after that travel.
Lots of my friends coming from my country told me to leave him. But I still want to hear something from his culture.

Thanks.

[ISneezeFunny]

First things first... not so sure it's different between western cultures and other cultures as far as the relationship dynamic goes. I think it mainly depends on the relationship. For instance.

Couple #1: I know a couple where the girl's family makes a decent amount... and the guy's family is average. The girl pays... almost every single time.

Couple #2: I know a couple that actually make it 50-50. Exactly down the middle.

Couple #3: I... pay for everything. Literally. Dinner, shopping, groceries, movies, etc. I pay. But... it's just the dynamic we've had.

He seems like he's a bit of a cheapo... but... perhaps it's because he doesn't make a lot of money? You said his credit card was declined... which tells me that he probably maxed out his cards... where does he spend all his money?

I think it's time you two sat down and start talking about your finances... if you two are living together, working out financial plans... and discussing how much each person will contribute to the relationship is vital. It sounds like a business plan, but really... once a couple starts living together, it sort of becomes a business partnership.

[liz28]

Besides him being cheap, he knows that you'll pay so why should he. Moving in with him was not a good choice if you knew he was this way before. Everything should have been discuss bills, food, etc. He knows that no matter what you would pay. It beame a habit of his and a bad habit at that. How you discuss this with him? If so and you see no change then leave and pay for yourself instead of yours and his. If not, do so and demand a change and stop opening up your wallet.

[KissMe10der]

You know it does depend on what your income is...

My boyfriend is the one who pays for everything... he is supporting me.

I don't have a job yet.. cause I just moved here (NY from MI) just to be with him.

Its not that I'm cheap.. I actually don't like guys paying for me. I like to be 50/50.
Normally I would pay for ticket if the guy pays for the popcorn and pop.. Divide it up.

Just talk to him. Tell him it bothers you.. and figure out who pays what ahead of time. So when you get to that moment.. its not up in the air.. and no resentments.

[lawanwadee]

I grew up in Asia and I understand how you feel. Having been in US and many western countries for over 20 years, all I can say about your b/f is he is such a cheap bas---...

Dump him and run... fast!!