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ManWithThePlan · Jul 23, 2008, 04:30 PM

Hello Everyone, I am new to this site.
I have a huge problem that I hope all of you can give me advice on.
I am a 25 year old male. I have been dating a 23 year old girl for 2 years now.
For about 18 months we never fought. Never argued. Recently my girlfriend switched her job location to 10 minutes down the road and got a new job at a bank. Since then, she has been stressed out and not acting the same towards me. She would get mad and be unfair and not treat me like she use to. It kills me to know that she's not the same. One day she said we have to talk about things that are bothering her. I said 'Ok'.
She brought up religion and politics... I know they are important but they don't affect how I feel about her. We argued a bit and decided to take a 2 week break.
I said fine. 2 days later she texts me saying "Hi, i can't sleep cause I'm thinking about you, I just want you to know that I miss you deeply". We had our 2 week break and then got back together. Then about 2 weeks later she says she wants to talk about things that are bothering her again. So we talked... She brought up religion and politics again...
I told her I believe in God but don't feel I have to go to church every week. She said "Well just believing in God isn't gonna get you into heaven. You have to read the bible, go to church, and dedicate your life to him". I had no idea where this was coming from. She never brought it up before and she knew my beliefs for 2 years. Then she brough up politics. I am neither a Democrat or Republican, but she says "I'm a rep. and we hate democrats and George B. is a great pres." I disagree strongly on that but that still doesn't affect the way I feel about her. She always told me she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, and she would always say she loves me. She said she needs her time and space. I am not sure if she still loves me or what? I still love her no matter what. I need help. Please somebody respond. Do you think she still loves and just wants time to herself?
Thanks Everyone for taking the time to read this!

JBeaucaire · Jul 23, 2008, 05:01 PM

She's got the right idea. She wants to spend her life with someone that is centered on the same value system she is. She wants it to be you and is trying to make it so.

Religion and politics are actually much bigger deals than some people stop and acknowledge ahead of time.

On the other hand, she's being a bit fanatical, which isn't helpful... unless of course your overstating her behavior. Bush is a fine president, got his own issues to deal with like all of the presidents, and going to church is a great idea, but it won't get you into heaven so she's a little wonky on her Christian education, too.

But whatever, she's trying to put her ducks in a row. You can understand that and keep the discussion open and reasonable, or you can acknowledge her positions and admit they are too extreme from your own. No need to ignore stuff that really MAY make you miserable later on, best to see that now.

Looks like she is trying to.

ManWithThePlan · Jul 23, 2008, 05:09 PM

Hey,
Thanks a lot for the advice. Yeah I totally understand what your saying. And no, I didn't over-state her behavior. That's exactly what she said. I respect her values and I'm willing to work on a common ground. But she says stuff like "Well you have to decide wheter your a democrat or a repubican to raise your kids" Stuff like that makes me wonder. And yes, she has strong Christian beliefs, but by no means does she follow them. I mean we had threesomes on numerous occasions with other girls... She curses lilke you wouldn't believe... What exactly should I do? Should I just let it go and wait for her to call me? I tried calling her just to say hi, but she didn't even call me back. Let me know what you think I should do?
Thanks

JBeaucaire · Jul 23, 2008, 05:52 PM

I think she's right. Politically, Democrats and Republicans would raise their kids completely differently, at least in the "values" arena. She's right. This is important stuff.

Being a worldly person and having a wild side doesn't mean you can't be / aren't a Christian, too. Christianity is a worldview, it's not a promise to never have done or never do anything wrong.

Anyway, I think you two should relax and stop trying to force it.

talaniman · Jul 23, 2008, 06:17 PM

Leave her alone since that's what she wants. She will call when she wants to. Take the time to do things you enjoy without her.

maxim_r · Jul 23, 2008, 06:25 PM

You two have very different values and this will keep rearing its ugly head time and again since this is important to her. You can either a) pretend that you have the same values, but you'll be miserable or b) find someone more compatible.

ManWithThePlan · Jul 25, 2008, 08:17 AM

Hey Everyone,
I posted a question on here a few days ago.
Recently I talked to my ex. We were on the phone for about an hour.
Her tone of voice makes it seem like she doesn't care and she acts like she doesn't, but I know she does. For instance... Her friend saw me out last week. And my ex asked me "Well what were you doing there? Who were you with?" Then I went to nyc to see friends and she asked "Well where did you stay at?" I'm just wondering why she tries to put on an act?
She even said she misses me and that she stopped herself numerous times from picking up the phone and texting me to see how I'm doing.
Can anyone shed some light on this?
Thanks

Romefalls19 · Jul 25, 2008, 08:25 AM

She's playing with you. Keeping you dangling just enough to give you hope so that you won't go else where. As long as you keep in contact with her you are going to be kept in constant mind confusion. My advice is to stop talking to her and start to heal, it's for the best.

talaniman · Jul 25, 2008, 08:30 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ak-240896.html

I thought you were on a break, at her request?? What gives?

ilovcali · Jul 25, 2008, 08:50 AM

Why are you talking to your EX? Listen, if you really are the manwiththeplan, hopefully that plan includes no longer talking to your ex.

SHE'S YOUR EX! What you are doing is exactly what happens when you talk to an EX. You begin to analyze their tone of voice and come up with "clever" ideas as to what their tone indicates.

You're not a voice expert. You have NO IDEA what her tone implies. It's all in your head. You're grabbing at anything that might give you some hope that she wants you.

STOP TALKING TO YOUR EX!

--Cali

ManWithThePlan · Jul 25, 2008, 09:41 AM

I tried to stop talking to her, but she called me and said she wants to get together sometime soon. Should I?
And we didn't completely break it off...
We are just on a break...

ilovcali · Jul 25, 2008, 09:51 AM

I read you original post. I actually think this 2 week cycle might continue until you finally break-up. Seems that way anyway. It seems to me like neither one of you is willing to break-up yet, but she is acually beginning the process.

And the way it is going now, I think you might need to man up and break-up with her. This situation reeks of her telling you one day that there is "someone else" she's met.

Good luck.

--Cali

ManWithThePlan · Jul 25, 2008, 10:26 AM

Hey,
I guess your right, but I do know for a fact that she isn't seeing anyone or wants to for that matter. I have a long time friend that recently started to get to know her and my ex doesn't know it. And my friend told me she said "I still love him, I just need a little time to figure things out. I'm sooo stressed out"
But like you said, just move on and no contact... if its meant to be its meant to be right?

N0help4u · Jul 25, 2008, 10:46 AM

Like Romes said she is dangling you possibly also because she isn't over you entirely yet.
You need to break it off with her completely cause most likely she will call you every time she has a weak moment for you but once she is totally over you then she won't call and you will have to start at that point to accept that it actually is over. Give yourself piece of mind and tell her you want NO contact now instead of prolonging the inevitable.
You are only torturing yourself to keep talking to her.
If you break it off now maybe she will see it was a mistake and want to work things out.
As long as she can call you at her convenience she is not ever going to face up to if she really might want you back.

LHOY · Jul 28, 2012, 11:14 AM

I'm going through the same thing. I realize that she still have feelings for you, but you have to wait it out. Since I started to realize that she feel that is getting to you, she will continue to play hard to get. Remember, when she ask next time. Don't say nothing and walk away. If she calls don't answer it. Wait 3 days. Then things had changed in her mind. Do what you like, take a vacation, relax. She's killing herself by being stupid. U heard me!!

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

She's playing with you. Keeping you dangling just enough to give you hope so that you won't go else where. As long as you keep in contact with her you are going to be kept in constant mind confusion. My advice is to stop talking to her and start to heal, it's for the best.

She only playing hard to get. Next time she asked where you been, just walk away while she's talking. See what It will do. She's only playing games because you are the man.