[cunfusedchick]

:o So... I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, and we moved in together in feb. we used to have sex about five times a week, then it slowly started going down to probably once every two weeks. I am really thrown off because when we have sex it is usually pretty good, but it is also very rare. A few onths ago I realized that every time I left the house all the history on the computer was cleared, and there was this porn video under the TV. I decided he was just an , and he wasn't into me, but today I got home, he his home alone rarely because I work at home, today he was at work, and I had an art show so I had to leave at five am and he had work at ten, but on the computer I went threw it on Google since he deleted the history, and turns out he looked up "monster cocks", I don't know if this is a turn on for guys, but that wouldn't be what I would look up if I was into girls. He has been doing a lot of other sketchy things that throw me off. My question is how can you really tell if your boyfriends gay

[Fr_Chuck]

If you find him in bed with another man, he will be at least bi sexual. And to be honest it is very common with couples in a year to three to start getting bored somewhat in sex and the amount drops off. Most certainly drops from every day when daily life of living together starts hitting.
Talking about sex issues with your mate is normally the best bet.

[hannah_nicole]

He could be gay but don't jump to conclusions. I understand this would be confusing for you but many women who are not gay enjoy lesbian porn as do many people enjoy fantasies they do not wish to act on. Approach him about his secretive internet habits, and about what you found. His reaction should hopefully give you some insight. Bisexual people can enjoy hetero relationships there is no reason this can't happen if this is the case. Gay or straight porn fantasy it doesn't matter so long as he isn't cheating.

[Wondergirl]

Maybe he was only comparing his own to theirs.

[Synnen]

What difference does it make if he is or isn't, to you?

You already don't trust him, you're not communicating with each other, and obviously there is some lack of honesty with each other.

Would his being gay justify all of that to you, or something?

Whether he's gay or not, your relationship sucks if you can't talk to each other, if he's sneaking around and you're spying on him, and you can't have an open and honest discussion about it.

[kp2171]

Constantly clearing the history isn't necessarily a bad thing in itself. My system automatically clears out cookies and history daily. My computer is occasionally used by others from time to time, and they don't need to know what bank I frequent or have automatic access to a site that "remembers" my computer from a cookie. My wife never dumps her history on her laptop and it drives me nuts. It isn't about porn. Its about security.

But... all that said... sure, it can also be all about his visiting porn sites and wanting to hide it from you.

As for the topic of his search, I really don't think id worry too much about that alone. Perhaps that search brings up sites he's seen before and favors but doesn't necessarily contain gay porn. If hed typed "lesbian" it doesn't mean his sexual preference is that, right? Would you have felt better if his search was "big breasted coeds?"

The issue is he has been watching porn and you dislike this... in not going to get into a debate of who is "right"... you get to choose what fights to fight, as does he. So... all you can do is make you partner completely clear on what is acceptable, what is negotiable, and what is clearly unacceptable. If there isn't enough overlap or wiggle room in the middle, then it's a bad fit or you both have some work to do.

Stating there are other "sketchy things" is really useless to us, as we have no idea what this means, if its really worth being concerned, if its just you reaching... so at this point I think all you can know is he has watched porn and probably is hiding his tracks.

That about all you can know. What you have found.

Is this your computer or his? I get you share it, but who owns it?

If it is yours, you have a right to know what is being done with your computer and what is being saved on it. You can search for hidden files. You can upload software to track internet use. My opinion is nobody should use my computer for anything they don't what me to know about.

If its his computer, you certainly can do the same (searches, software), but to me this means a fundamental violation of privacy. I don't explore my wife's journals. Would I if I suspected her of cheating? Don't know. I'm not in that spot and hope to never be there. Not to mention that you sound like you are in a place where you suspect things and now you are going to be constantly wondering and looking for things that may or may not be there.

This takes energy away from the relationship. He might have put you in this place by doing something you dislike, but its time to talk to him about what you want and ask what he needs, find where you both can compromise and where you both have hard lines drawn.

[Choux]

I don't think he is gay... it may be that he is looking for more and different kind of mental stimulation to masturbate to. That is probably a bad sign; I would be more concerned that he is a porn addict than gay. Increasing the ante is a common trait among addicts.

Also, perhaps once he has you in a live-in relationship, he figures he doesn't have to go out of his way to please you since he has what he wants??

Just a couple of ideas for you to consider.

[sldc]

Spot on

[Andrew916]

It could be variety of things. He could have a monster fetish... or he's into mutant roosters. Just kidding, but here's my real answer. What guys masturbate to and what they actually want in real life are two totally different things. For example, I could masturbate to trannies (I don't) but in the reality I don't physically want to get involved with a tranny in any way. (if that makes any sense at all) the two are entirely separate of each other. The lack of sex however worries me. That's a sign of addiction- when it begins to interfere with your real relationships. I think Choux is absolutely right. I've quickly formulated how the porn ladder goes- and if you do keep going through his history- if the porn gets worse and worse- he's addicted. But I think it goes something like this- it starts with straight/lesbian, goes from there to gay/tranny then to bestiality(hence the chicken) and then to (two girls one cup status) I have absolutely no clue where it goes from there... but if you start seeing the vulgarity and abnormality of the porn increase- he's got a problem. Just remember- their two entirely different worlds (usually)- the real and masturbatory worlds.

[smoothy]

I'll bet he feels henpecked... after all you are snooping around on him. Don't think he is oblivious.

Is he gay? I seriously doubt it. I be he is royally ticked off as that's the libido depressant that exists.