[whatintheworld]

O.K... need thoughts or directions to other postings... tell me what you think about me finding out that his internet hx shows he was looking up ladies' profiles (local divorce group web site... so it's not just him "getting a visual ;) Dating over a year. Confronted him. He apologized, says he's ruining a good thing (found this after he said he had cold feet from our recent talk about giving me a ring...since he started mentioning talk about me moving in with him and the kids).

I told him we should both date, maybe. He knows that I am back on Match.com and he says he loves me and doesn't want to see anyone else, that he's screwing up (you can see my recently posted question if you want more details).

So...even when I say "go for it," he doesn't want to now and wants to take it day by day with me, but wants us to keep trying. THOUGHTS?

[ylaira]

He has his options open but playing it safe for now.

[Ash123]

I don't think you can take this relationship too seriously right now. He has not cheated as far as you know, but he is looking. I'd take a break so you can both see how you feel with some space and let him see what it is he is looking for... maybe you can both gain from it.

[Alty]

So you both want to see other people, that's why your on Match.com right? If you are both unhappy with the relationship and are looking for something better, then obviously the relationship between the two of you is not working. Go your separate ways, let each of you find the right person.

Good luck.

[whatintheworld]

Well, I am only protecting my heart... I am deeply in love with this man... I only got on match because I am afraid of what he will do. I am scared of being hurt again. I was shocked beyond belief. I have trusted him implicitly over this past year.

[Alty]

It sounds more like a case of tit for tat. Have you considered counselling for the two of you?

[whatintheworld]

He's already in counseling for himself because of his divorce, trying to deal with a mean ex (2 kids involved). I would go to counseling in heart-beat. Should I suggest this? P.S. Is it normal to not hear from him... he went on a family gathering this weekend with his kids... I backed out on going... but why doesn't he quick text/call to say goodnight? He wanted me with him the past few days before going, I know they are busy... but is this normal? I long to at least just say goodnight... but I am trying like heck to just let him do the pursuing. Again... he told me the other night, "I have only given a ring to someone once in my life and look where it got me....when I give a ring it is for life" showing how serious he takes marriage. When I asked him when he got the cold feet... it wasn't supposedly about me moving in, but rather when he thought I wanted a ring before I would agree to move in... didn't have to be this year :) But he thought I meant that, I guess.

[Alty]

Sounds like maybe things are moving too fast for him. When was his divorce?

[whatintheworld]

Just a few years ago. But he is going back to court within a month. Ex is an alcoholic and lost her license. He drives the kids everywhere and is trying to gain more control of custody. He still wants them to have time with her though.

But how do I trust him again. If he was checking profiles, could he still love me like he says he does? Oh, Saturday morning, he finally called. He sounds kind of down. Wouldn't tell me much. Arghhhh... so confused. Told him to have a great time.

[talaniman]

You have enough facts before you to make a decision, to leave him alone as he has too much baggage, and to many issues to deal with, to be a very good healthy, relationship partner, despite what he may say.

You can't help him, and you both know that, and it would be foolish investing more emotion into this, than you have already.

Stop spinning your wheels as you already have one foot out the door (match.com), so you may as well get stability, and balance into your life, by getting all the way out, and going about your own business.

Tell him, don't buy a ring.