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BxJohari · Jul 18, 2008, 08:00 AM

Hello,I live in Jacksonville,Florida and I have been here since 11/05.I used to live in NYC and at one point I was having a very hard time with my living situation so I gave my ex-husband custody of our 2 beautiful sons(hesitantly) but I knew they would be in a better environment at that time in our life.I have only seen my boys 2-3 times since the divorce and communication was limited.Since moving to Fla I have learned how to use a computer and found my boys on MySpace and we were all thrilled to have found each other there.We are in contact with each other on a regular basis now and I got my youngest son minutes on his cell phone so he will be able to call me whenever he wants to or if he should have any type of emergency.Anyway my ex took the boys to Atl.Ga a couple of weeks ago and did not let us know they were there till they were on the way back to NY.We could have made arrangements to come to Atl to see them or pick them up and bring them back home with us.My boys are back in NYC now and are upset because they were not allowed to see us.They want to come back home to Fla.I am their mother and they have 2 sisters and 7 brothers here in Fla and we all miss them so very much.We all want them to come home and they want to come home and they say they are tired of living in NYC and they are tired of their dad continually dropping them off at his ex-girlfriends house and they don't know where he is.I am living on disability (SSI)637.00 a month and I have Sct8 housing assistance.I have spoken with my Housing Adviser and if I get my boys home I can add them to my lease and be eligible for a larger place.We would then move to a house preferably close to the Beach.I don't have much, but I love my sons dearly and all we all want is to be together as the family we are.I am happily single and have been since "04".My 18 yr old son is still living at home and helps me a lot.We feel it would be in the best interest of all parties for the boys to come home.I would never stop their father from visiting them or corresponding with them in anyway shape or form.Thank you for your time and patience.DMM

N0help4u · Jul 18, 2008, 08:07 AM

Were you able to visit your sons before you didn't know where they were?
Is your x verbally telling you you are not allowed to see them or is he just 'conveniently' playing avoiding games by moving?
Did you ever go for a custody/visitation order?
What do your sons say about him not allowing you to see them. Like do they say he is telling them that he does not want them contacting or seeing you?

JudyKayTee · Jul 18, 2008, 08:29 AM

Originally Posted by BxJohari

Hello,I live in Jacksonville,Florida and I have been here since 11/05.I used to live in NYC and at one point I was having a very hard time with my living situation so I gave my ex-husband custody of our 2 beautiful sons(hesitantly) but I knew they would be in a better environment at that time in our life.I have only seen my boys 2-3 times since the divorce and communication was limited.Since moving to Fla I have learned how to use a computer and found my boys on MySpace and we were all thrilled to have found each other there.We are in contact with each other on a regular basis now and I got my youngest son minutes on his cell phone so he will be able to call me whenever he wants to or if he should have any type of emergency.Anyway my ex took the boys to Atl.Ga a couple of weeks ago and did not let us know they were there till they were on the way back to NY.We coyuld have made arrangements to come to Atl to see them or pick them up and bring them back home with us.My boys are back in NYC now and are upset because they were not allowed to see us.They want to come back home to Fla.I am their mother and they have 2 sisters and 7 brothers here in Fla and we all miss them so very much.We all want them to come home and they want to come home and they say they are tired of living in NYC and they are tired of their dad continually dropping them off at his ex-girlfriends house and they don't know where he is.I am living on disability (SSI)637.00 a month and I have Sct8 housing assistance.I have spoken with my Housing Adviser and if I get my boys home I can add them to my lease and be eligible for a larger place.We would then move to a house preferably close to the Beach.I don't have much, but I love my sons dearly and all we all want is to be together as the family we are.I am happily single and have been since "04".My 18 yr old son is still living at home and helps me alot.We feel it would be in the best interest of all parties for the boys to come home.I would never stop their father from visiting them or corresponding with them in anyway shape or form.Thank you for your time and patience.DMM

You would need a Court Order to change custody - it's not whether you and the children agree. It's what the custodial parent and the Court think. You can't just pick them up (in Georgia) and "bring them back home." You meed formal Court custody in order to enroll them in school, provide for their medical care, add them to your Section 8 housing.

The Judge will look at all aspects of living situations on both sides and then make a determination. Often a legal law guardian is appointed to evaluate the circumstances.

Does their father know they are in contact with you on MySpace? And how old are they? Depending on their ages the Judge will listen to them - but the Judge doesn't have to do what they want.

love is abby · Jul 18, 2008, 08:33 AM

You could go to court about it. The most important thing is what your sons want and it sounds like they want to be with you. That's really cool that you have maintained a great relationship with them being across the country, shows you really care about them too. :)

N0help4u · Jul 18, 2008, 08:35 AM

I agree with Judy you have to go through the court

With him living in another state and you not visiting them through the years
And other things could work against you but it is very well worth trying.

JudyKayTee · Jul 18, 2008, 09:04 AM

Originally Posted by love is abby

You could go to court about it. The most important thing is what your sons want and it sounds like they want to be with you. Thats really cool that you have mantained a great relationship with them being across the country, shows you really care about them too. :)

This is not sound legal advice - what they want is not the "most important" thing here.

The questions of why there has been so little visitation, has any support been paid, can the OP afford to support these children, even with help from the father, are going to be important. If the Myspace contact is behind the father's back (and I don't know that it is) that could very well be an issue, depending on the ages of the children.

Why the father has custody is going to be an issue.

More info needed -

BxJohari · Jul 18, 2008, 10:40 AM

I certainly understand that it is not up to me or the boys and I guess I did not make it plain when I noted the comment about "bringing the boys home" I meant to bring them home to visit while their dad was visiting in Atl and for them to come home for a couple of days while he was taking taking care of his business there.I was given visitation rights during the divorce proceedings.Due to transportation issues it was very hard for me to see the boys and every time I made an effort it was met with constant resistance mostly due to the new girlfriend.I will not throw any dirt in the mix about my ex because I don't think that is called for but his girlfriend always put me down and I gave him the kids because I felt it was the best thing to do at the time for them not me or not for my ex. He decided not to make me pay child support.As far as the MySpace their father is aware of them having a page.I am fully aware that I need an attorney for this but I thought I would put it out here too not just for myself but for anyone else that might benefit from the answers given.I do appreciate all answers I am given.Thank you again.

N0help4u · Jul 18, 2008, 10:50 AM

All you can do is go and get your visitations reinforced -not that he would follow them anyway
In the meantime, keep reassuring your kids that you do love them but circumstances are out of your control. Let them know you will always be there for them and when they get to be 18 they are more than welcome to be with you.

cdad · Jul 18, 2008, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by BxJohari

I certainly understand that it is not up to me or the boys and I guess I did not make it plain when I noted the comment about "bringing the boys home" I meant to bring them home to visit while their dad was visiting in Atl and for them to come home for a couple of days while he was taking taking care of his business there.I was given visitation rights during the divorce proceedings.Due to transportation issues it was very hard for me to see the boys and everytime I made an effort it was met with constant resistance mostly due to the new girlfriend.I will not throw any dirt in the mix about my ex because I don't think that is called for but his girlfriend always put me down and I gave him the kids because I felt it was the best thing to do at the time for them not me or not for my ex. He decided not to make me pay child support.As far as the MySpace their father is aware of them having a page.I am fully aware that I need an attorney for this but I thought I would put it out here too not just for myself but for anyone else that might benefit from the answers given.I do appreciate all answers I am given.Thank you again.

OK there are a few issues that keep repeating. You refer to your boys returning home yet you say that you were in NYS at the time of your divorce. So really they have no clue as to what " home " really is. You mentioned other children but not which of those are still living with you ? If there is more the 1 and your disabled and living on short means then its an up hill battle. How old are your boys that are living with your ex ? Also realize that even though he has released you from paying child support that will no longer be the case if they should live with you. He will be forced to pay it. Something he may not be able to afford at this time.

N0help4u · Jul 18, 2008, 11:08 AM

Califdad:Be aware that NYS runs its child support until a child reachs 21 years of age. Not just simple majority(18)

But aren't support and their right to choose who they want to live with two separate issues.
I mean by 18 they are allowed to live anywhere they want and I wasn't even bringing up anything on child support issues.

I thought kids in any state were able to move where ever they wanted by their 18th birthday.

cdad · Jul 18, 2008, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Califdad:Be aware that NYS runs its child support until a child reachs 21 years of age. Not just simple majority(18)

But aren't support and their right to choose who they want to live with two separate issues.
I mean by 18 they are allowed to live anywhere they want and I wasn't even bringing up anything on child support issues.

I thought kids in any state were able to move where ever they wanted by their 18th birthday.

Yes they have the right to move at 18. But because they are under the umbrella of the state and are going to live in government housing and possibly other services then the government has the right to recovery. Since they won't be living on their own but with " mom " it's a reality that they could seek to continue child support until the children reach the age of 21 ( as is the case for NYS )

Im not saying that it will happen but that it can.

N0help4u · Jul 18, 2008, 11:30 AM

So are you saying that if they leave NY and go live with their mother who is down south that she can go after the dad to pay child support until they turn 18?

cdad · Jul 18, 2008, 11:35 AM

She doesn't get a choice in the matter if the state is involved and the children are under 18. The OP has already said she is and would receive a greater number of services should the children move to Florida and the state most likely would look to recover.

JudyKayTee · Jul 18, 2008, 02:05 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

She doesnt get a choice in the matter if the state is involved and the children are under 18. The OP has already said she is and would recieve a greater number of services should the children move to florida and the state most likely would look to recover.

Out of greenies BUT if the OP is already on some sort of assistance and the children are going to move in with her and POSSIBLY receive some sort of assistance, yes, CalifDad is right.

In NYS if you are NOT on public assistance and come to live (by Court Order) with a parent who IS the State's Social Workers step in. I've seen custody reversed back to the non-public assistance parent in another State.

NYS just doesn't want to pay the freight over and above child support.

Not saying it's fair or right or anything else so don't anybody jump on me - I'm just agreeing with Califdad and telling what I've seen.

BxJohari · Jul 18, 2008, 05:05 PM

Okay when I refer to home I am meaning with his mother and brothers and sisters... sorry.Yes I was in NYC at the time of my divorce.I did mention that I have an 18 yr old son living at home.My boys that are living with my ex are 11 and 14 y/o.I realize that if I would be able to regain custody of them,that he would have to pay child support and I am sure he would be able to pay it and before we divorced he was paying child support.He is a provisional Peace Officer with the City of NY.He has no other children and is not married.

JudyKayTee · Jul 18, 2008, 06:27 PM

Originally Posted by BxJohari

Okay when I refer to home I am meaning with his mother and brothers and sisters...sorry.Yes I was in NYC at the time of my divorce.I did mention that I have an 18 yr old son living at home.My boys that are living with my ex are 11 and 14 y/o.I realize that if I would be able to regain custody of them,that he would have to pay child support and I am sure he would be able to pay it and before we divorced he was paying child support.He is a provisional Peace Officer with the City of NY.He has no other children and is not married.

Sure - and, honestly, we aren't prying. Just info needed to give information to you.

Yes, you would be entitled to support from him. If the children are going to receive any type of public assistance in Florida, though, that can present a problem when you request a change of custody.