[MsMewiththat]

Okay so maybe he thinks your smart. Research is harmless. Please don't read too much in to all of your contact with this person. Is it possible that because you have been intimate you want more than what he is able or willing to give? Bottom line is this: Is he your friend? Is the research legal? If the answer to both those questions is yes than do it. However, you need to draw the line in your mind that this doesn't mean he loves you or equal anything more than a friend helping a friend. If you are unable to do that, than don't do the research. If he is asking you for something, financial, illegal, border line wrong than he's probably not truly your friend. Your smart weigh it out.

[talaniman]

Whether there is another motive behind his actions or not, its up to you to make sure you both respect the boundaries of friendship. If not, you can't be friends.

[JBeaucaire]

"research"... hehehe, yeah, I get it. Research. Hehehe.

[confusionmax]

Hey you guys! First of all, thank you for always being there. Your advice has helped me gain a lot of strength in myself and stay on the right track. Now.. here's my dilemma. Long story short.. I dated a guy, split.. was OK with it. We remained friends... chemistry clicked again.. and we dated again.. we split again and this time I was not okay. I guess, this time I got a little too close emotionally and felt like he broke my trust and lost somewhat of his respect in my eyes. Anyway, we remained friends.. but had a long period of NC since I went out of town for about a month. Just a small text or hey how are you in a few weeks. I came back.. and he started calling. He was nice and all... but then he asked me to help him with some work. I thought I was comfortable with that and said yes. Now... it seems that whenever he calls.. we talk about this and that.. he'll flirt a little and then ask about work. So I'm confused rite now. Does he really care about me at all or is it just work and he knows I'm the smartest resource he can find at this time? Should I tell him I'm getting this vibe from him? And also, I know he is dating others, and he's assumed I'm dating someone, and he'll sometimes say little things to see my reaction and see if there is a potential for us.. I've always indicated no, in the same manner.. but I never told him how I really felt after we broke up. He asked me if I was OK and I said yes. I never truly told him how I felt. I really want him to know.. but not sure if I should tell him.. :confused:

[JBeaucaire]

I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish here. I'm not even sure what you're trying to figure out to say to him.

If you can't type it out in a few sentences to US, you're definitely not ready to say it to him.

So, here's your homework, tell us again in THREE SHORT SENTENCES what you want to say to him. Let's see how that goes first.

[HistorianChick]

Had to spread the love, but JB, YOU ROCK.

Sweetie, honestly, what are you trying to gain by telling him? Once you figure out whatever you feel you need to tell him, honestly ask yourself, "what is this going to accomplish?"

[confusionmax]

Lol. I'm so sorry. I guess I'm more confused then I thought. What I want to say to him is this: I was very hurt when we split not because things didn't work out, but because I felt like just the average other girl in his list. My misunderstanding and my mistake I guess, but I figured he saw me differently, but the way he left.. it broke my confidence I had in him and our friendship. Now, I accepted I was wrong, and was trying to move forward with my life.. but now that we're working together.. I really need to know what's going on in his mind. Am I just a valuable source for information, or am I a good friend, or is there something more... should I ignore all of this and continue to act normal around him (like a friend), or do I tell him?

[HistorianChick]

Ok, if you've taken the stand that yes, you are friends, then what do friends do? Friends tell each other what is bothering them.

BUT, friends do not have ulterior motives. If you have an ulterior motive (for example, to get back together), I'd not recommend it.

You already know that it is dreadfully painful to try and "remain friends" because of your history. Is it better to stay a pseudo-friend and not share what you're feeling, or get everything off your chest and leave it in his hands?

That, my dear, is your choice. :)

[confusionmax]

That makes some sense. Thanks for your help! :)

[JBeaucaire]

(sniff) Does this mean no homework?

[confusionmax]

Lol. Nooo of course not! It means I have to study harder and figure out what I want. That's my homework! Hehe. :)

[JBeaucaire]

(pout) (shuffle) (doodle)

Aw... ok.

Hehe.

[talaniman]

Say absolutely nothing until you figure it out for yourself. I hope you will stop assuming how he feels, and what he wants, and keep this professional, and leave the personal stuff completely out of the equation.

Why would you think a guy with a lot of dating, would see you as more than his other dates? Sorry, but just want you to keep it real, and not get clouded by your own feelings.

[confusionmax]

Why would you think a guy with a lot of dating, would see you as more than his other dates? Sorry, but just want you to keep it real, and not get clouded by your own feelings.

Point well made. I automatically assumed this because I knew him for soooo long before we got involved. But, your right.. it was my mistake to make that assumption.

[confusionmax]

OK... so I know this is going to sound childish... I'm saying it in my head over and over again, and I'm yelling at myself, but I keep coming back to this. Long story short, my ex left me and is dating my friend now. Both are keeping it on the low, but its killing me. She's a great girl, but not to sound conceited at all, I know I'm better than her. But I guess my ego is hurt. I don't want to hurt their relationship, and I don't want him back.. but I do want him to want me back... is that wrong? If not, how do I go about doing that without seeming desperate?

[kctiger]

The best revenge is to learn to be happier without the other person in your life. Anything else just makes you look pathetic and immature...

[confusionmax]

Thanks.. I guess I knew that already, but was feeling really insecure today... :)

[neverme]

We all get these feelings.. hell, I've had weeks of these feelings!!

Don't act on them, you'll only let yourself down.

[chrissymarie]

Personally I like revenge. Sometimes I just feel people need to learn their lesson when they screw you over. But revenge is immature. Control your natural instinct to make him want you back and just move on.

As for this friend of yours, the "good girl"... She is no friend of yours. She broke the ultimate girl code.

DON'T DATE UR GIRL FRIENDS EX'S OR CRUSHES

All girls know that's just foul. I wouldn't say completely leave her alone but she definitely needs to lose some cool points.

[liz28]

I agree a little with Chrissy but I really hope you aren't still friends with her because what she did was wrong especially with knowing how you felt about this guy. With friends like her who needs enemies. Then she has the nerves to try and hide it from you. Don't she knows that what is done in the dark is going to come up to the light. I would give her a piece of my mind than write her off.

I know your thinking about revenge and that is a common thought for someone in your situation but know that it doesn't solve anything but only create more problems. And in the end your left with the same feelings your feeling now. Believe me especially when I give into those impulses when I was younger.

Leave them both alone and move on because after all you live and you learn and what don't kill you only makes you stronger.