[alva]

Hi all. New to this board.
My partner and I were together 6 years and have a 5 year old daughter. He has not been happy since losing his job 18 months ago and decided 3 weeks ago that he didn't love me anymore and no longer wants to be with me. He thinks we had too much, too young and he misses his freedom etc. He feels tied down and wants to be selfish and not have to think of anyone but himself. He said he is tired of always doing the "right thing" or doing what is expected of him and he wants to do what HE wants. He also admitted he cheated on me with the a girl, once a year ago and again 3 months ago and he is now seeing her (within a day or two of telling me it was over).

It took me time to deal with this and I cried, begged, pleaded etc. I am past that stage now. I love him and I feel he is making a mistake but I am moving forward. He has changed so much from the man I fell in love with that he is no longer recognisable. The man I have been with for 6 years was always a "good guy", a nice person who would do anything but hurt me/anyone. When he lost his job we almost lost everything, he got depressed and when he went back to work he wasn't happy in his new job, started going out more etc. He has a very well paid job and works hard but was laid off as he wouldn't relocate (mostly because of me and our daughter as we relocated 4 times when she was a baby and I said it had to stop).

I have read some great advice on this site and the main thing that seems to be said, over and over, is NO CONTACT. But how do I do this when we have our daughter to consider? We have to speak in order to arrange visits etc. We also have to speak about our house (which we are in the process of sorting out now).
I suggested no contact but he says that I am his best friend and he would love if we could stay friends and be civil etc. Perhaps meet up once a week or so for a chat and a catch up. Part of me wants this, the other part doesn't.

He is now with the girl he cheated with. They are an item. How long it will last in anyone's guess. She is 20, we are both 25.

I have accepted my role in the break up. I know I became boring, smothering, clingy. I am trying to change that for myself. I am going out with friends, catching up with people I haven't seen, spending time with family etc. I can understand why he fell out of love with me. I cannot understand him cheating on me or not discussing his feelings with me.

So, what is the best way for me to proceed, bearing in mind he HAS to be part of my daughters life therefore NO CONTACT is not totally possible.
I have moved out of our home, boxed up things that remind me of him, deleted posts and photos of him from my networking site. Nothing malicious in any of this, just moving on.

But can I ever move on if he is always in my life, wanting to be my best friend? Thanks

[N0help4u]

Work out a reasonable joint custody/visitation plan and have a Judge agree it is a fair so you have something to back you legally.

As far as being friends tell him he made his choice and you see no reason to linger on with something that inevitably does not have a future to. You will be civil but you see no reason for friendship especially meeting up once a week because you need to get over the past and on with your life.

[sully123]

Sorry but don't blame yourself for this one. Sounds like he has the problems right now. Move on and be civil too him. He has a child to think about too. He probably missed all that because he was young and with you for a long time, he felt tied down. Your main concern is your child, not him, I would move on, get help if you need it, seek family if you have too, and don't worry about him. You will be fine without him, actually in the long run you will be much stronger. He needs to pay you child support, don't let him get away with that.. If he wants to run around with a 20 year, just be careful with visitation because of your child and good luck.

[talaniman]

Work out a reasonable joint custody/visitation plan and have a Judge agree it is a fair so you have something to back you legally.

Had to spread the rep, but putting things through the court can save a lot of headaches later, if you can't work together.