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starlite1 · Jun 20, 2008, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by brian1231

Very good advice. If I seem needy, I am going to only drive her away more. I guess I am just one of those guys who doesn't know the fine line between showing interest and being needy :)

And I as a woman have the same issues myself, sometimes :)

bigbird213 · Jun 20, 2008, 11:17 AM

A very important skill to learn. Don't over invest yourself Brian... if you do, it just makes it that much harder should (god forbid) anything happen.

brian1231 · Jun 20, 2008, 11:26 AM

Originally Posted by bigbird213

A very important skill to learn. Don't over invest your self Brian...if you do, it just makes it that much harder should (god forbid) anything happen.

Totally agreed. I guess I should just focus on other things/having fun with friends and just contact her after she gets back and whatever happens happens. If I ask her on a "date" and she says no, then obviously she didn't even care to get to know me anymore even after knowing a bunch about me, and if she says yes, then great. Either way I will know for sure I guess.

brian1231 · Jun 23, 2008, 05:05 AM

Thanks for the tips all. I haven't contacted her in the last few days and she just got back from a trip last night. I figure I will try to let things progress naturally the next time I see her.

Quick dating etiquette question. Lately, I've been txting her asking her to hang out the night we would get together, is it more "proper" to ask the day before?

bigbird213 · Jun 23, 2008, 05:20 AM

Originally Posted by brian1231

Thanks for the tips all. I haven't contacted her in the last few days and she just got back from a trip last night. I figure I will try to let things progress naturally the next time I see her.

Quick dating etiquette question. Lately, I've been txting her asking her to hang out the night we would get together, is it more "proper" to ask the day before?

My honest opinion -

If she is truly interested in you, your dating etiquette really doesn't matter that much :p

talaniman · Jun 23, 2008, 06:57 AM

I always thought that giving them time was a good idea, as that last minute stuff is hit or miss, if she plans her days. Depends on where your thinking of going. My schedule was pretty hectic also.

brian1231 · Jun 23, 2008, 07:30 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I always thought that giving them time was a good idea, as that last minute stuff is hit or miss, if she plans her days. Depends on where your thinking of going. My schedule was pretty hectic also.

Yea, her schedules is usually pretty hectic. I think I'll fire her off a quick txt today to just see how her trip went, and then see about tomorrow night.

She is a big Sex in the city fan. She has said she would love to see the movie. Me being the computer nerd I am, downloaded a copy of it off the internet. I was thinking of telling her I was going to show her a "guy movie" and then surprising her with the SIS movie when it starts playing on her TV. Does this make me look cheap or sweet in comparison with actually taking her to the theater (Note: money is not coming into play, I am just trying to do something nice/surprise her). I was thinking of getting some of her favorite food, getting her favorite wine and then surprising her with this movie.

starlite1 · Jun 23, 2008, 07:55 AM

Hi Brian,

I think that is really sweet. I actually saw the movie in the theatre and loved it. But, take this slow right now. I know you are wanting to get together with her for another date, but, wait until you actually talk to her first so you can feel things out.

bigbird213 · Jun 23, 2008, 08:04 AM

... Just make sure you don't want to kill yourself by the end of the movie

:D

brian1231 · Jun 25, 2008, 04:45 AM

I asked her to hang out last night. She said she couldn't since she was too tired from working 14hrs straight (she is really stressed this time of the month)

I think I am going to give her some space for the next couple of days while she is stressed out at work. Ill see about hanging out with her this weekend/next week once things calm down. Depending on how things go, I will probably try a talk with her to gauge her feelings towards me (if she just wants friendship/ is interested in me other ways etc... )

bigbird213 · Jun 25, 2008, 05:09 AM

I think your putting too much in at this point. You shuoldn't be worrying about this all the time. Let her come to you and make plans. You have made your interest apparent, so let her decide what she wants to do next.

talaniman · Jun 25, 2008, 05:16 AM

Depending on how things go, I will probably try a talk with her to gauge her feelings towards me (if she just wants friendship/ is interested in me other ways etc... )

Get to know her personally, makes for a better conversation, and you can learn also. It also keeps the pressure off her to have a relationship, and that helps at this stage, as the idea is to make her enjoy these conversations as a welcome distraction to a busy person. You can discuss this relationship after you actually have one. Right now your trying to figure out how to hook up so knowing the best times is what's a lot more important, and you can let her get glimpses of yourself also. Keep it light, till you know more.

brian1231 · Jun 25, 2008, 05:32 AM

Good advice from you both. You are both right, I am moving way too ahead of myself and she shouldn't be the center of my universe like she is. I think I became infatuated with the idea of a partner too quickly and made too grand of plans with her and moved ahead too quickly with things. Things should not be this hard/worrisome. I guess I just need to gain confidence that if things were meant to be, then they would work out in the end.

I think the forward signals I got from her early on, but how she never calls/txts me tied into me second guessing myself for not making a move has just made this all harder on me.

I guess a good step for me would be to go NC for at least 2 weeks and see if she gets a hold of me. If she doesn't contact me by then, I guess I will re-evaluate my interest level and decide if I should pursue further, or just give her a call to see what's up.

bigbird213 · Jun 25, 2008, 05:35 AM

Not necessarily NC, you don't need to ignore her. But I think you need a distraction. This does sound like infatuation and I think that has the potential to scare her away. She knows your interested, take it easy, let her contact you, or try again in a while. She doesn't need the pressure especially if she is very busy like you say.

brian1231 · Jun 25, 2008, 05:40 AM

Originally Posted by bigbird213

Not necessarily NC, you don't need to ignore her. But I think you need a distraction. This does sound like infatuation and I think that has the potential to scare her away. She knows your interested, take it easy, let her contact you, or try again in a while. She doesn't need the pressure especially if she is very busy like you say.

When I said NC, I meant to say that I'd let her contact me 1st. You're right, she has to have at least an idea that I am interested in her by now, even though I haven't done more than ask her to hang out, kiss her on the forehead.

But yea, I don't want to put too much pressure on her especially with the workload that she does have.

bigbird213 · Jun 25, 2008, 05:49 AM

Originally Posted by brian1231

even though I haven't done more than ask her to hang out, kiss her on the forehead.

I think that's plenty. If after a while it seems she really doesn't get it, be a little more forward. But give it time, for your own sake :p

talaniman · Jun 25, 2008, 06:20 AM

I have to be honest, your single and free to enjoy whom ever you want, and just because you are attracted to someone who is busy right now, should you stop dating others casually?? Heck NO!!

brian1231 · Jun 25, 2008, 06:36 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I have to be honest, your single and free to enjoy whom ever you want, and just because you are attracted to someone who is busy right now, should you stop dating others casually??? Heck NO!!!

Well to be totally honest, I was dating someone else up until a week or two ago. I could see that this other girl didn't offer me much anyway, and that if things worked out with this current girl I like, then I didn't want her to ever find out I was concurrently sleeping with someone while she and I were talking, if that makes sense?

I am going to continue to go out and see about finding other girls and not wait at home for JUST this one.

brian1231 · Jun 26, 2008, 04:44 AM

Last night I decided to go for broke. I saw in her away message that she asked "Anyone want to go out for a drink later?" She doesn't know that I saw the message, but I said I was in the city and asked if I could stop by to drop something off. 3hrs later she returned my txt just saying "sorry, I went to dinner with my sister"

I figured that if she really wanted to hang out, she would have
A) Invited me for drinks since I had asked the night before
B) Not taken 3 hrs to responded.

I'll take this as a signal and not contact her at all for at least a couple of weeks, if ever. Time to move on.

I think after my last BU, I used this girl as a crutch for the last month and really began to like the idea of a relationship again, and she seemed like a good person/we had a lot in common so I feel in love with the idea of a relationship.

happy_jester · Jun 26, 2008, 05:03 AM

After all this time (& it was going SO well)

As you say,if she had been further interested in you,she wouldn't have taken 3 hours
To return your text (& she went out with someone else,her sister)

You also realise that you were using her as a crutch (so perhaps she wasn't the
One for you.)