[dad1970]

This is in the state of Mass.
Ok, Readers Digest version, I have been a stay at home dad for 3 years working part time here and there to help make ends meet but nothing that generates any real money. I came home one day from my part time job and discovered that my wife took my daughter (almost 4), all the money in the bank accounts, and 90% of her and daughters possessions and moved to New Jersey and refused to talk to me for almost a month. This came out of the blue, no warning, no discussion, no threats of leaving - just gone. I have zero money, I can not afford to even look at an attorney never mind retain one. She, of course, has an attorney and is pushing the divorce at warp speed including amazing restrictions on visitation. This is moving so fast that I am overwhelmed and am sure that I am going to get screwed. My questions:

Is it even legal for her to take my child out of state without my consent?
Are there any organizations that aide stay at home spouse (dads) that can not afford legal counsel?
Am I entitled to alimony? Will I have to pay child support?
I am still in the house that we own and want desperately to keep it, how can I do this?
I am sure that I have a couple of million more questions but they are all swirling together.
Yes, I am job hunting furiously, but being out of the game for so long is making it tough to land a decently paying job.
Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you in advance.

[twinkiedooter]

She can take your child anywhere as there were no court orders in place at the time she left with her. Why do you think you are "entitled to alimony"? You will have to pay child support if it is ordered for you to do so. Why do you think you wouldn't? You can get a job if you want to but it probably will not be at the salary you want in order to keep the house. The house may be ordered to be sold if you cannot afford to "buy her out" of her portion. Don't know of any organizations for stay at home people to get affordable attorney's help. Don't think a divorce would be eligible for Legal Aid. In some places Legal Aid will not help with divorces, and then in some other places they do. Best to call your local Legal Aid to make sure you can or can't use their services.

[simoneaugie]

This sounds like an awful situation for you. You have my sympathies. There must be an organization that can help. Circumstances like this are not that uncommon.

[Mom of 2]

I know that there are organizations out there who can help low income people with divorces. Call the court house where the dissolution of marriage has been filed to see what they have to offer. I thoughts and prayers go out to you. Of course she is taking this divorce at light speed because she will try to screw you if you do not have a lawyer and her lawyer knows this. Yes, she can take the child out of state without your consent because there are no court orders stating that she cannot. She is the parent and therefore cannot be accused of kidnapping. Unfortunately, it does not sound like you would be able to keep the house as it does not sound like you can make the payments. The house will probably have to be sold and the equity should be equally split between the two of you. Although you may not want to sell, this may be in your best interest, as you will receive the equity from the house in order to start your life over. In regards to alimony, you can try if you can prove that it was agreed upon that you would be the individual who would take care of the child while the other parent worked. However, more and more alimony is no longer given because unless you are disabled, everyone has the ability to find employment. In regards to child support, the court will order someone to pay child support and it is always based on the salary that you bring in. I hope this helps.

[NowWhat]

Mom of 2 is right. There are organizations out there that can help. Contact your local legal aid department NOW. They get really backed up and you may be put on a waiting list. I would not sign anything from her lawyer until you have one. Do not agree to anything until you have an attorney. You don't have to sign anything. So, don't be bullied into it.

You may be entitled to alimony. I am not sure. It would depend on how much she made, the lifestyle that you two had, what your earning potential is. Judges may not give alimony out as much anymore.

I would guess that you will have to pay child support.

If you could afford the house - you could use that as a bargaining chip. Say, I keep the house and you don't pay alimony. Something like that.

[Mom of 2]

Also, I know at least in the state of Illinois, you can delay any court proceedings for 28 days until you yourself can find a lawyer. Check into this as well.

[JudyKayTee]

This is in the state of Mass.
Ok, Readers Digest version, I have been a stay at home dad for 3 years working part time here and there to help make ends meet but nothing that generates any real money. I came home one day from my part time job and discovered that my wife took my daughter (almost 4), all the money in the bank accounts, and 90% of her and daughters possessions and moved to New Jersey and refused to talk to me for almost a month. This came out of the blue, no warning, no discussion, no threats of leaving - just gone. I have zero money, I can not afford to even look at an attorney never mind retain one. She, of course, has an attorney and is pushing the divorce at warp speed including amazing restrictions on visitation. This is moving so fast that I am overwhelmed and am sure that I am going to get screwed. My questions:

Is it even legal for her to take my child out of state without my consent?
Are there any organizations that aide stay at home spouse (dads) that can not afford legal counsel?
Am I entitled to alimony? Will I have to pay child support?
I am still in the house that we own and want desperately to keep it, how can I do this?
I am sure that I have a couple of million more questions but they are all swirling together.
Yes, I am job hunting furiously, but being out of the game for so long is making it tough to land a decently paying job.
any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you in advance.

Parts of this have been addressed but what is the legal status of the divorce? Have you been served with Court papers? If this is very recent how did your wife establish residency in order to sue you in another State?

You say her Attorney is pushing - what paperwork have you received?

[JudyKayTee]

Also, I know at least in the state of Illinois, you can delay any court proceedings for 28 days until you yourself can find a lawyer. Check into this as well.

You are talking about criminal law, not family law.

[Mom of 2]

I know for a fact (at least in the state of Illinois) that you can delay any further court proceedings for a period of 28 days if you appear in front of the judge and let the judge know that you do not have a lawyer but that you are looking for one. The reason that I know this is a fact is because in the middle of my divorce my ex had fired his original lawyer and appeared at a scheduled court date that we had to inform the judge of this fact. The judge granted my ex a period of 28 days for him to find another lawyer and my lawyer could not do anything else paperwork wise until that period elapsed. So my statement in my earlier post is in fact correct, at least in the state of Illinois

[JudyKayTee]

I know for a fact (at least in the state of Illinois) that you can delay any further court proceedings for a period of 28 days if you appear in front of the judge and let the judge know that you do not have a lawyer but that you are looking for one. The reason that I know this is a fact is because in the middle of my divorce my ex had fired his original lawyer and appeared at a scheduled court date that we had to inform the judge of this fact. The judge granted my ex a period of 28 days for him to find another lawyer and my lawyer could not do anything else paperwork wise until that period of time elapsed. So my statement in my earlier post is in fact correct, at least in the state of Illinois

Right, you can delay further court proceedings after you've made the original appearance - I don't see any indication that the original appearance has been made and you can't just ask for an extension when time frames are running without being in default - unless the other side agrees to that extension and that doesn't seem to be the case here.

You are talking about a change in legal counsel part way through a proceeding.

[Mom of 2]

I also had a friend who was getting a divorce before I did who appeared in front of the judge and basically did the same thing. She received papers from her stbx's lawyer because she did not have a lawyer because of the surprise attack. She was having trouble finding one and appeared to the court during one of their court dates, explained to the judge that she was in the midst of finding a lawyer but had not found one yet and he granted her additional time to find one. Yes, you DO have to appear in front of the judge to do this and you have to explain to them that you are ACTIVELY seeking legal counsel. However, if you do this too many times thinking that this is a great delay strategy, the court will see through this and will not be happy about it. Don't ignore this, thinking that it will just go away, because it won't. If you do ignore it thinking that if you just don't respond to anything, I believe that you will be granted a divorce by default, which I would think would NOT be in your best interests.

[JudyKayTee]

I also had a friend who was getting a divorce before I did who appeared in front of the judge and basically did the same thing. She received papers from her stbx's lawyer because she did not have a lawyer because of the surprise attack. She was having trouble finding one and appeared to the court during one of their court dates, explained to the judge that she was in the midst of finding a lawyer but had not found one yet and he granted her additional time to find one. Yes, you DO have to appear in front of the judge to do this and you have to explain to them that you are ACTIVELY seeking legal counsel. However, if you do this too many times thinking that this is a great delay strategy, the court will see through this and will not be happy about it. Don't ignore this, thinking that it will just go away, because it won't. If you do ignore it thinking that if you just don't respond to anything, I believe that you will be granted a divorce by default, which I would think would NOT be in your best interests.

I think we are missing each other's points here - I am speaking of responding to the Summons/Complaint in a divorce proceeding, the initial exchange of papers; you appear to be speaking about hearings on related matters, custody hearings, that type of thing. In NYS the divorce is not in front of a Judge until there is a Motion or until those papers are answered (back and forth several times) and the divorce is scheduled.

When I got divorced we exchanged papers back and forth, we couldn't agree, it was assigned to a Judge, there was one hearing, there was an Order (decision), it was over.

We are talking about two different phases of the process here (I believe) - you are right in what you say about Motions and Orders to Show Cause and I am correct on the summons/complaint in a divorce.

Please correct me if I am wrong.

[George_1950]

At this point, you should be able to afford counsel and work 12 hours a day, unless your position is that you are a house-husband, which could be correct. Did she move to be closer to family? Check this: Fathers rights