[BMI]

I have an interesting question (at least to me) to bounce off some heads up in here.

Last year I was on a social network and found amongst its participants an ex-girlfriend of mine. Ex as in it was 7 years ago, last year of high school, so it seemed harmless in saying what's up how have you been? I also should add I worked with her borther and sister a couple years back, maybe 2 or 3. Anyway, I sent a friend request to her and she did not add me but rather messaged me back with a long mail asking how I've been and how my family was and all that. We spoke over the computer twice a week, she told me about her guy and I told her about my relationships (if you can call them that).

After a couple of weeks I asked her if her boyfriend (whom I also worked with 2/3 years ago, meaning he knows who I am) knew she was speaking to me. She said she told him that I contacted her and that we speak occasionally and he wasnot angry although he was not excited either. I told her it's been such a long time so why would he even mind such a thing. She didn't really make it an issue but out of respect for her b/f she did not actually add me but just messaged me ( I'm assuming so he would not see me on her friends list). Regardless, I told her idid not want to cause a stir and she insisted I wasn't.

We spoke at length and she gave me input on my relationship fallouts and stuff like that. Eventually I left the site because of another girl and with that have never spoke to her again (about a year). I always felt bad for just up and leaving without giving her theability to contact me (we got into some serious personal discussion). She knew I was considering leaving the site but I doubt she thought I'd just disappear one day without a goodbye or e-mail address. I have considered getting one of my brothers (they are on the site) to send her a message (they are not friends) just giving her my e-mail address, or even typing the message myself saying I felt bad for just leaving so here is my e-mail address if you want to drop me an update on life.

Problem is that I don't want to start things if they will cause trouble. I too would question why an ex-boyfreind would re-connect after 7/8 years. I can honestly say this is innocent stuff, she and I did really enjoy speaking again. We talked of the past and some fun times and we also spoke of the future (honestly aware that the future was to be with other people). I know this is true but to her b/f would be a tough sell. I guess I'm concerned as to how I will look, what will the action be perceived as? Can anyone shed some light on what this all sounds like? I've learned too well that what I think it SHOULD appear as isn't always taken like that.

Thanks in advance.

[cant breathe]

I was a year ago and a lot can happen in a year I would just let it be and not contact her

[starlite1]

Since a year has gone by since your last contact with her, if you are thinking about her, perhaps you can send her a quick IM just saying hi. But, I do see Can't Breathe's point. It may be best to let things go, and not contact her. I am sure that if she wanted to hear from you in that year's time, she would have found a way to contact you. Perhaps letting this go is the best for you.

[BMI]

No,no I can assure you I am not thinking too much about it in the way one may be inclined to think of it based on previous relationship threads. It would be nice to speak with her is all. We have have reached an age of maturity(well she has) that speaking to someone whom you were involved with way back when does not mean that there is anything behind it other than friendship.

As for the comment about her being able to contact me if she wishes is not true. It's not a dating/relationship question or situation per say, if it were I would agree. It's a friend, when we spoke we got along and she obviously enjoyed speaking with me. I also considered this when I was going to add her but it worked out fine that I did add her. If she was responsive after seven years I doubt one year would seem strange. The weirdness must have gotten the out after the first time (yeah it's a bit strange but not so strange she declined to not speak to me, if anything there was a real eagerness about it) so I really don't see it causing so much trouble but that's just me.

[starlite1]

Hi BMI,

Okay. If you guys remained friends, I think it's okay to do. You just don't want any 'feelings' to surface (not that that's is what you are looking for). As friends? That's cool!

[eastcoast1]

I agree with Starlite, and I commend you for thinking about her situation prior. I am friends with ex's and as long as you know the feelings are just friendly, I say it's cool

[thoughtiwastheman]

Honestly, I think you might still like her. If you didn't you would be so concerned with all these questions. Ask yourself this question. Why do I want to say in contact? It could also be the mystery behind the fact that you haven't heard or seen her in a long time. Be careful in terms of your intention and don't lie to yourself either.

[BMI]

Thanks for the opinions guys. As for commending me, well, I just don't want to be the guy I hated contacting my girlfriends. It's easy for me to say I come in peace but not so easy to buy it on the other end. I totally understand why her b/f would raise an eyebrow to it, I guess that's the problem really.

[BMI]

Just caught iwastheman's post.

I disagree. I've repeatedly written this is without feelings,the question is to be viewed as a friendship question not a long lost love. As for why am I asking questions? I think its an interesting question myself, quite a choice.

I don't like her that way, I like speaking to her as does she to me and that's it.

[thoughtiwastheman]

Nobody knows you better than yourself. Good luck.

[talaniman]

Since you really know nothing of what she is about now or the relationship she may be in, let sleeping dogs lie.

I would be very cautious with an ex, no matter how long its been.

[BMI]

I was waiting for your response T-man:)


I knew you were going to say that just as I suspect I knew the answer all along.