[hugbug1389]

But how do I get over this? I feel so bad! I gave my baby to a couple who had been trying to have a baby for 6 years. The wife had 2 in vitros, losing both, one at 9 weeks one at 12 weeks. I felt awful for her. So I decided since I was 18 and not married, that it would be the best for my daughter to have a mommy AND a daddy. Now she is pregnant. I am so jealous of them, I don't know how not to be! They get 2 children and I get none, but I went through all of the pregnancy and labor. How do I move on from this feeling? How do I try to act happy when I want to cry? My main question is HOW?
How do I deal with this?
How do I become strong for my daughter?

[Synnen]

You NEED to get into counseling, and a birthmother support group. Pronto.

They never tell you about what you're going through now at the agency when you're still considering adoption. They don't tell you about the grief, and the anger, and the bitterness, and the jealousy and all the OTHER negative emotions you'll go through.

Everyone talks big about how great it is to give a couple that desperately wants a child the chance to become parents. Well, yeah, it's great for THEM. It really SUCKS when it's YOUR child they get, though! Even if you go into it with eyes wide open, there's no way to prepare for the hurt and anger you'll go through.

You've just lost a child! And I bet no one around you understands why you're hurting so much, or why you're upset that they're pregnant. I bet sometimes that YOU don't understand why you're so upset, either! I mean, you CHOSE this, right? Well, even if you did choose it understanding how much it would hurt, you still have the right to grieve, and the right to be upset, and the right to your feelings. It's perfectly natural, and nearly every birthmother goes through it sooner or later.

Get in touch with a local birthmother support group, or if your town is too small for one, then find one online (please PM me if you'd like suggestions--I know of a couple of them that aren't very supportive, and are more like b!tch sessions about how horrible adoption is). See if you can start seeing a counselor with experience in adoption issues (try to learn if they've counseled birthmothers before, and not just prospective adoptive parents). Finding someone to talk to that understands how you are feeling is a HUGE thing.

Please let me know if I can help further, and if there is anything I can do to help you in your time of sadness.