[jenn_r21]

Okay...
From the beginning...

I went to cuba with 5 girls for a vacation (7 days) about 3 weeks ago. Before I left, I was struggling with my confidence when it came to guys. I was becoming frustrated because I felt like I had so much to give in a relationship, but I wasn't finding the right guy. I have no problem meeting boys, but I always seem to attract the wrong ones, and the ones that are great, I'm not interested in. even though I'm only 20 years old, I was beginning to feel as though there was no hope for me. Before my trip, I decided to put that all behind me, wipe the slate clean. I remembered that I have never been the type of girl to need a relationship, plus, it would happen when I least expected it.

I though the cuba trip was going to be a relaxing time away from home with some of my closest friends. I knew we would be partying, but I didn't expect to be meeting any boys, because all of the girls have long-term boyfriends whom they are committed to. I was okay with the trip just being a girls week!

To my surprise and everyone else's, I fell in love in cuba. Now before you go jumping to conclusions, hear me out.

I met JM the second night we were in cuba. His first language is french, and mine is english. He does however speak english, but he has trouble. I, on the other hand, only know the basic stuff in french (colours, numbers, months, animals, etc.).. so therefore I couldn't carry on a conversation in french, so if he wanted to speak with me he had to talk in english.

At first, I thought it was just a fun fling thing for the week, but he turned out to be one of the best things that has ever happened to me. We made this amazing connection in cuba, and it wasn't because of the sun, sand and tropical view... it was much more then that.. and we both knew we couldn't just let this pass us by.

I have felt in love before, but never like this. We both decided that we wanted to be exclusive and that we would try a long distance relationship. He's 23 and is starting his career as a lawyer. He lives about 14 hours from where I live.

I know you are all thinking I'm crazy, but have an open mind.. sometimes you find love in the weirdest places. I have always had a hard time with relationships, but I had finally found someone that I cared so much about and I had someone love me like I've never been loved before. How could I just let that go? And we both knew from the beginning that if we tried this, it would be extremely difficult because 1) the language barrier 2) long distance 3) we didn't have a lot of time to get to know each other.

Anyway, the week after I got home from cuba, we talked every day and I fell even more in love with him and it made be confirm why I was putting myself through this. Along with falling more in love with him, I really realized how hard it was going to be, so I decided that I needed to go visit him in his home town.. see him in his environment, to make sure this was real. I went for about a week.. I met his family (whom don't speak a lot of english) and he showed me around his hometown. We had a great time, I love his family, we got to know each other a little better and I confirmed that these feelings I feel are real. We talked about all of my worries (I'm a natural worrier, and he's not), and the best part about everything was that it wasn't perfect. We are both very opinionated and we had a couple of disagreements and we got a feel for each other's personality.

I love him so much and I want this to work more then I have ever wanted anything, honestly. I don't mind putting a lot of effort in and I know it's going to be hard. But I'm worried. I'm worried about a lot of things (even after we've talked about them)...
Here they are:
1) the language barrier - I am going to learn how to speak french, but it's not going to happen over night, so for the time being we have to speak in english. He sometimes gets tired of speaking english because he always has to think about what he's saying and how's saying it. He also has a difficult time expressing himself in english sometimes.
2) the distance - he's going to be living in his hometown for the next 6 months - he has no choice, he has signed a contract until the end of November. But he has expressed interest after those 6 months in moving to my hometown.
3) he has a full time job during the summer, and I do too... so I worry about how often we will get to see each other.
4) communication while he's away - I'm a very expressive person and I have no problem expressing my feelings, but he does in english, so sometimes I get frustrated..
5) I worry that his feelings are going to fade for me if he doesn't see me, even though he's so positive about this and believe we can do this.

Now you may be wondering if I'm worrying about all of that, maybe I should just end it? I don't think I can just do that because I'm worried, I care way too much about him, and when we are together we are so good!
I don't mind hearing criticism, but if you're going to tell me to dump him, don't bother giving me your advice... all I want is for people's opinions, generally on the situation.. mayeb someone can give me a different outlook or something... I just want to hear other people's opinions, other then my friends... please and thank you!

-jennxox

[damaged]

IDK if you really like him you should try it... it may be difficult due to the issues u stated but maybe it'll work... just give it a try and if it doesn't work out oh well, but at least you gave it a chance...

[talaniman]

What's the hurry, as you barely know the guy, and can hardly communicate.

I know you are all thinking I'm crazy, but have an open mind..

This summer fling maybe the best thing to happen to you, but think long and hard about anything else, as an open mind doesn't mean forget common sense.
I think that would be crazy.

[lmnotok]

Just be normal, see how things happen in 6 months. I bet you'll get your point by the time!

[damaged]

Off topic: I'm cuban... did u like it there??

[brkfstatiffs]

okay...
from the beginning...

i went to cuba with 5 girls for a vacation (7 days) about 3 weeks ago. before i left, i was struggling with my confidence when it came to guys. i was becoming frustrated because i felt like i had so much to give in a relationship, but i wasn't finding the right guy. i have no problem meeting boys, but i always seem to attract the wrong ones, and the ones that are great, i'm not interested in. even though i'm only 20 years old, i was beginning to feel as though there was no hope for me. before my trip, i decided to put that all behind me, wipe the slate clean. i remembered that i have never been the type of girl to need a relationship, plus, it would happen when i least expected it.

i though the cuba trip was going to be a relaxing time away from home with some of my closest friends. i knew we would be partying, but i didn't expect to be meeting any boys, because all of the girls have long-term boyfriends whom they are committed to. i was okay with the trip just being a girls week!

to my surprise and everyone else's, i fell in love in cuba. now before you go jumping to conclusions, hear me out.

i met JM the second night we were in cuba. his first language is french, and mine is english. he does however speak english, but he has trouble. i, on the other hand, only know the basic stuff in french (colours, numbers, months, animals, etc.).. so therefore i couldn't carry on a conversation in french, so if he wanted to speak with me he had to talk in english.

at first, i thought it was just a fun fling thing for the week, but he turned out to be one of the best things that has ever happened to me. we made this amazing connection in cuba, and it wasn't because of the sun, sand and tropical view... it was much more then that.. and we both knew we couldn't just let this pass us by.

i have felt in love before, but never like this. we both decided that we wanted to be exclusive and that we would try a long distance relationship. he's 23 and is starting his career as a lawyer. he lives about 14 hours from where i live.

i know you are all thinking i'm crazy, but have an open mind.. sometimes you find love in the weirdest places. i have always had a hard time with relationships, but i had finally found someone that i cared so much about and i had someone love me like i've never been loved before. how could i just let that go? and we both knew from the beginning that if we tried this, it would be extremely difficult because 1) the language barrier 2) long distance 3) we didn't have a lot of time to get to know each other.

anyways, the week after i got home from cuba, we talked every day and i fell even more in love with him and it made be confirm why i was putting myself through this. along with falling more in love with him, i really realized how hard it was going to be, so i decided that i needed to go visit him in his home town.. see him in his environment, to make sure this was real. i went for about a week.. i met his family (whom don't speak a lot of english) and he showed me around his hometown. we had a great time, i love his family, we got to know each other a little better and i confirmed that these feelings i feel are real. we talked about all of my worries (i'm a natural worrier, and he's not), and the best part about everything was that it wasn't perfect. we are both very opinionated and we had a couple of disagreements and we got a feel for each other's personality.

i love him so much and i want this to work more then i have ever wanted anything, honestly. i don't mind putting a lot of effort in and i know it's going to be hard. but i'm worried. i'm worried about a lot of things (even after we've talked about them)...
here they are:
1) the language barrier - i am going to learn how to speak french, but it's not going to happen over night, so for the time being we have to speak in english. he sometimes gets tired of speaking english because he always has to think about what he's saying and how's saying it. he also has a difficult time expressing himself in english sometimes.
2) the distance - he's going to be living in his hometown for the next 6 months - he has no choice, he has signed a contract until the end of november. but he has expressed interest after those 6 months in moving to my hometown.
3) he has a full time job during the summer, and i do too... so i worry about how often we will get to see each other.
4) communication while he's away - i'm a very expressive person and i have no problem expressing my feelings, but he does in english, so sometimes i get frustrated..
5) i worry that his feelings are going to fade for me if he doesn't see me, even though he's so positive about this and believe we can do this.

now you may be wondering if i'm worrying about all of that, maybe i should just end it? i don't think i can just do that because i'm worried, i care way too much about him, and when we are together we are so good!
i don't mind hearing criticism, but if you're going to tell me to dump him, don't bother giving me your advice... all i want is for people's opinions, generally on the situation.. mayeb someone can give me a different outlook or something... i just want to hear other people's opinions, other then my friends... please and thank you!

-jennxox

You are worrying too much! No girl/woman should have to worry that much about where the relationship is going, because you should have confidence that it is going in the right direction and you TRUST each other.
French men tend to be pleasers, and talk up their game. But he sounds like a nice guy.
I say test it out, go for it girl, try to make it work, but he should be pursuing you not vice verca. He should be the one eager to meet your family, come to you etc. It doesn't sound like you have known him long enough or well enough to be so in Love with the guy.
Overall I saw date him, see how it goes, but because of your worries about and barriers, still be open to meeting new men. Honestly though, you should have to worry, when a relationship is REAL you will feel excited and know in your heart it's going in the right place on both ends.

[Chery]

I think any couple in the same situation is going to think of the issues you 'worry' about - that's only normal and who wouldn't think along those lines if planning something together..

So, the next step is to work on the communication problem - take some courses, both of you. It's always exciting learning a new language and you can do that at home with tapes or go to night classes. That way, you can both enjoy and communicate your progress together.

As for the other stuff. When close enough and trusting each other things will fall into place only if you both are willing to accept the fact and can endure the long-distance relationship until you can hook up again. At least you have your memories - and that's something nobody can take away.

Nothing is going to be gained if not tried, so as suggested, try it for a period and follow the progress. If there is enough there, you know where that will lead you.

If no progress is made and you have further doubts, then you also know what to do - keep a long-distance friendship and go on with your lives.

At any rate, it depends on the both of you and how much you work at it. Otherwise, there is no guarantee in life, no recipe.

I wish you the best of luck and please keep us informed as to your progress.


Follow your heart for now and change direction if you feel a dead-end coming up... that's all we can do in this life and hope for the best.