[kashumz]

My mother is an overweight 36 year old with some bad mental issues. She is not necessarily "retarded" but something is up. She has OCD and depression and she hates everyone and herself. She acts like a 4 year old. She is obsessed with neopets, loves little kid things, always farts and burps in front of people and just plain embarrases me. She is so lazy. She never cooks a real healthy meal, and she literally NEVER cleans. I'm stuck with the WHOLE house to clean which I REFUSE to do. I'll tidy up the living room, kitchen, and my room but no. I don't care what you say. I'm depressed and lazy too and this house is just TOO MUCH for me to be stuck with. She sits on her computer all day playing neopets. We have serious money issues because she won't get off her butt and get a job, she applied for social security but she didn't get it and she failed college because she never did her homework so she can't get a good job. She's been fired twice because she took too many sick days or was always late. Nobody else will hire her, she's filled out 9 different applications since she's been fired from her last job and nobody has contacted her. She always smacks herself and makes weird noises over and over again. She has AWFUL hygiene. Never showers, brushes her teeth, combs her hair, wears dirty clothes over and over again. It's horrible. And I see all my friends and all these other kids with beautiful skinny moms and I feel so bad and embarrassed. You don't have to be skinny to be pretty, but my mom is just a slob. She says she can't be committed to the hospital unless she is a threat to herself or her family, but she IS! She tried to commit suicide right in front of me before. She always bangs her head against the wall and she never wants to be around anyone. She really doesn't seem to care about me or my dad, and she says everyone hates HER and doesn't care about HER. Is there anything I can try to talk to my dad about to get my mom some help? I AM DESPERATE. I want suggestions, although I doubt if I'll be able to do anything you guys suggest. Like I said, we're pretty poor. I can't even afford to take care of my gerbils. :(

[GDH0034]

Wow, a very difficult situation. I should know because my wife actually has the same issues with her mom. I know that it is hard now. But study hard and do good for yourself, first and foremost. I realize this sounds selfish, but do not let her depression bring you down. There is nothing you can do to make her happy unfortunately. Depression issues take time to deal with and she will not get better until she deals with them for herself and not for anyone else. She is laying some very strong responsibilities on a young person such as yourself. Personally, I am more worried about you and how you live your life. Your moms choices have been her own but now you are dealing with the reality of her mistakes. All I can say is to stay strong for yourself. It is natural to worry about your mother but she is not going to change unitl SHE is ready to. Anything you do or say is just going to go through one ear and out the other with her. Stay as close as possible to your dad and gain your strength in life with him. I know it is hard but you have to forget about it for now and live your life for you. Focus on your future and personal development and do not let your mothers depression drag you down. The best thing I can think of to say is to try and maintain a distant relationship with your mom. I know it will be hard but it is good for you in the long run. Instead, focus your dad and the good that he does for you. People, for the most part, tend to spend too much time showing their emotions toward people that they worry about rather than showing emotion towards the people who worry about them. And the people who worry about you are the ones who deserve your worries.

[kashumz]

I feel my dad makes things worse. He has multiple sclerosis and he is just so MEAN to everyone. One day, my mom just got up and cleaned the ENTIRE basement. And what did dad do? Sat upstairs and whined how nobody ever empties the dishwasher. He yells at everyone for everything the DO or DON'T do. He doesn't make anything better. I KNOW he is very ill and he can't do anything for himself, but he always wants everyone to feel sorry for him. He is not the only one who has problems.

[Choux]

I remember when I was around your age I hated my parents so much that I pretended that I was adopted by Roy Rodgers(a movie cowboy)and his wife Dale Evans. I really had no guidance at the time. I felt so trapped.

I don't know what you should do in your case. I think you have to devote your energy into making the most out of yourself, not hating your parents... your parents will always be losers and a negative influence on you, in all likelihood. It's not that you don't love them but you have to put your energy into what you can do something about, and that is *you*.

Can you talk to a school counsellor about this, a pastor?? You need someone on your side. :)


Best wishes,

[Fr_Chuck]

If all of this is true, call family and children services, get a case worker to do a home inspection, and do interviews with your parents to see if they are fit to keep you.

[kashumz]

I've talked to my counseler loads of times. It never helped. :(

[Choux]

You need someone on your side, girl. An adult. Do you have a relative who really cares about you... a grandmother?

[Fr_Chuck]

But to answer your question, in the US today they will not keep people in mental health wards ( at public expense) unless they are a seroius threat to thierself or others. So she is not trying to beat, shoot or hurt someone. So they will not commit her, if she has welfare for insurance they will see her on a out patient treatent but she has to go and want to go

[kashumz]

You need someone on your side, girl. An adult. Do you have a relative who really cares about you....a grandmother?

Yes. But my grandmother thinks her daughter is perfect and when I tell her what she really does my grandma just says "oh thats not entirely true" or "oh thats not very nice dear"


I have a very nice aunt who really cares :)

[dolly2009]

I had a mother like that. What I did was turned to my aunt. After awhile she decide to adopt me but it took some time. Today I am living a great life, I have a job, house, car.

[Choux]

There you are, you have an aunt that you get along with. Is she mature enough to be a mentor for you?