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Lilyloo · May 22, 2008, 06:25 PM

Well, here I am... not quite a week after he broke up with me and am feeling so low that it's not even explainable. If you've read my other posts, you know that my BF broke it off with me after becoming distant and pulling random "disappearing" acts. We had a pretty good relationship up until about a month ago... now his story is that he's not ready for a GF, has too much on his plate right now, too many problems... blah, blah, blah. He even gave me good ol' "you're a great girl" speech. Ugh.

I really love him, and this week I have been pretty numb. Cried a lot on Monday... still went to work, but I don't know how I did it really. I talk to friends and they all say the typical "it's his loss", you will be OK... but I miss him so and this NC thing is killing me. I want to text, but I don't want to look needy and partly because I'm scared I will be more upset if I do contact him. I keep hoping, that maybe he is just confused, and will want to contact me or see me again. I just don't understand what went wrong? I keep blamng myself and I know that's not healthy. I'v been through breakups before but have never felt quite like this. What to do??

jolienoire · May 22, 2008, 06:45 PM

Will you be able to get over him? Yes probably so, forgetting about him won't be easy but that is not your goal, your goal should be to just come to accept his decision, and by contacting him you can actually ruin any chance of ever rekindling that flame. It is totally normal to feel hurt, resentment, sadness over losing someone you love. Especially if it was suddenly. I ACTUALLY WROTE an article today on men and commitement check it out and decipher if you were that girl who gave too much..

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nt-218739.html

tucker1605 · May 22, 2008, 06:51 PM

That sucks I am going through the same thing right now and I was the girl that gave too much. I thought it was a good thing guess I was really wrong.
D e
It is very tough I cry everyday I try not to text and yes its very very hard. Being on here and reading things does help. My bro's have told me it will take a very long time but your heart will mend and if it was meant to be it will come around again

They told me to spread my wings now and fly. Also they said every end is a new beginning. *hugs*

jolienoire · May 22, 2008, 07:07 PM

Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with giving, and in fact as women it is our nature to be nurturing well at least for some of us. Understand that heartache and heartbreaks are inevitable. Sometimes they are unforeseen, but unfortanetly its apart of life that we have to endure. Ppl grow and sometimes it means growing out of love with the person we once loved. Growing means change, and often times we rather much not drag our loved ones along while we soul search therefore breaking their hearts in the process. Imagine if we lived in a world where we never experienced pain, and failed relationships, we will never learn or gather or expectations. Failed relationships can sometimes be a blessing in disguise and it may be sometime before we can realize that. No relationship is perfect, and sometimes we are so rooted with the fact of being with someone they we become blinded to what is healthy and what is not. We don't see the signs that was in front of us all alone, until that dreaded day when the person you love tells you they want space. You can't make him change his mind, nor can you make him realize he made a mistake, the only thing you can began to do for these next days ahead is to take the time to find out how you can be the best you you can be, and not give up on love and relationships but understand that it's inevitable to prevent. As the days go by you will have good days and bad ones, but the reality is that you WILL SURVIVE. Give him what he is asking and make sure that while you have this time to think, try to take it one day at a time, trying to predict the future is not going to help, nor does regretting the past. Write a letter if you need to stating all the things you want to say just as if you were writing to him but don't send it. This is an exercise to get things off your chest. Also surround yourself around positive people, and do things that you enjoy.. remember take it one day at a time. Good luck..

ka1111 · May 23, 2008, 12:42 AM

I would say that the "do things that you enjoy"is the most important thing.It is important I think for two reasons,first you do something that takes your mind off depressing thoughts and maybe actually even have a good time,and two,it helps you pick yourself up cause when you're in that state of mind you don't want to do anything,ecen stuff you really enjoy.By doing it,you also prove to yourself that this thing won't bring you down.So...

talaniman · May 23, 2008, 08:54 AM

BF broke it off with me after becoming distant and pulling random "disappearing" acts.

For all your hurt and pain, I think you will realize that you deserve better than what you had, and will find it after the healing process. Look at it as a chance to move on to something better and close this chapter of your life for good. Celebrate your freedom to find happiness.

JBeaucaire · May 23, 2008, 09:49 AM

Busy busy busy bee, little girl. If the only thing you have to occupy your time is your pained memories, you will be in pain.

You will always love him. So getting over that isn't the issue. The issue is getting over the breakup. It will happen. Takes time, no shortcuts.

But other activities and eventually other guys will make the pain recess. Take care until then. Be a busy busy bee in the meantime.

Sonador101 · May 23, 2008, 10:00 AM

Yes

tucker1605 · May 23, 2008, 03:56 PM

How to you be a busy bee when you don't have anything?
I've gone though the list and I still can't handle it. I just can't understand how he could move on so quickly? Is it a rebound?
I'm trying to forget but its just not working and going out with friends doesn't help they are mostly married and it makes me sick being with them

talaniman · May 23, 2008, 04:18 PM

Tucker1605, We don't have to hijack someone else's thread. But the question is a good one as getting over some one means building a life you enjoy. If your not happy, and have nothing, then it's a good idea to work to be happy.

tucker1605 · May 23, 2008, 07:32 PM

If you like to swim I would swim or have a pet spend some quality time with them. A parent I know suggested the military or do something that you would never do before.

Lilyloo · May 23, 2008, 10:40 PM

Originally Posted by tucker1605

if you like to swim I would swim or have a pet spend some quality time with them. A parent I know suggested the military or do something that you would never do before.

??

Lilyloo · May 24, 2008, 05:45 AM

OK UPDATE... Ok guys I need help with this one... Last night I forced myself to go hang out with some of my girlfrends. I dreaded going because I knew I would be a debbie downer, but whenI got there I actually had a good time! I even laughed, and that was shocking considering the way I've been feeling.

Well I get home, and go to sleep then about 2:30 in the morning, the ex starts texting me. He was at the bar in his hometown, had driven home for the weekend. He said he was "sorry for breaking up with me...he just had to bc he was an ******* and I was a great woman, and I deserve a better person but that he's here for me if i need him". When he first started textng, I didn't answer and he was like "No answer...ok." So I gave in, then he starts telling me all this other stuff. So I tell him that I really care for him, but that if that is the way he really feels then I would have to accept it, and I told him to have a good night. Then he texts me a picture of himself sitting at the bar, and says that he misses me!? I don't understand, he is giving me mixed messages. What do you guys think? Should I just let it be??

talaniman · May 24, 2008, 06:12 AM

You ignore him, and let him drink all he wants, while his texts fall on deaf ears, and go unanswered. Then you won't be confused by his mixed signals, and can follow your own path, for your own good.

susangpyp · May 24, 2008, 06:59 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Tucker1605, We don't have to hijack someone elses thread. But the question is a good one as getting over some one means building a life you enjoy. If your not happy, and have nothing, then its a good idea to work to be happy.

This is so true. If you are empty and are filling yourself with someone else, that giant whoosing noise you here when they leave your life is your own lack of interests, hobbies and other (SINGLE!) friends.

In order to move on you have to do your grief, feel your feelings, while building your own life. The other thing to do is stop questioning how and why the other is doing something. Concentrate on YOU and figure out what YOU are going to do next. What are you going to do to build your life so that you never feel so wiped out by someone leaving you. Build YOUR life today!

You can do this.

Susan

susangpyp · May 24, 2008, 07:00 AM

Lilyloo: ignore him. He has an itch and wants to scratch. He's drinking and texting... not a good combo. Turn off your phone at a certain time. Ignore his stuff. Go to sleep and get on with your life.

JBeaucaire · May 24, 2008, 07:56 AM

Seriously. It's not confusing at all. Except for the fact that he uses some pretty words, it's all about him, him him. How else to explain middle of the night text messaging? It's SO manipulative! And you were once attached at the hip to that guy! Holy cow!

Thank god you are free now. Please, please stop reading messages from him. PLEASE! Each one is just a selfish hand grenade aimed at your world.

One night out and you HAD A BLAST! Do more of that.

One text from him and you start feeling confused and crappy again. NO MORE OF THAT!

Lilyloo · May 24, 2008, 08:32 AM

[QUOTE=JBeaucaire]Seriously. It's not confusing at all. Except for the fact that he uses some pretty words, it's all about him, him him. How else to explain middle of the night text messaging? It's SO manipulative! And you were once attached at the hip to that guy! Holy cow!

It is manipulative, and you're right. It is all about him, him, him. It seems when I ignore him he can't stand it and sends these passive aggressive responses. Very immature and inconsiderate.

[QUOTE=JBeaucaire]
Thank god you are free now. Please, please stop reading messages from him. PLEASE! Each one is just a selfish hand grenade aimed at your world.

I like this description, it made me smile. :) It is so true... with every word or sentence he says, it has the ability to blow up my already fragile state of mind. Just when I was making the tiniest bit of progress... thanks for your replies. They really do help me to see things clearer through all the emotional fog.

JBeaucaire · May 24, 2008, 09:21 AM

Glad I can help. You are in control of your life. You can change a cell phone number in seconds, and be all the better for it. Keep airing out the fog!

NOTE: Don't forget to put the [/quote] tag at the end of the quotes you use in your posts. You can even go back and EDIT your post above to clean it up...

Lilyloo · May 25, 2008, 05:14 PM

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Glad I can help. You are in control of your life. You can change a cell phone number in seconds, and be all the better for it. Keep airing out the fog!

NOTE: Don't forget to put the

tag at the end of the quotes you use in your posts. You can even go back and EDIT your post above to clean it up... [/QUOTE]

Hi there,

Well I feel the confusion fog thickening once again. I still miss him so, and still find myself trying to figure out what went wrong... what's going on with him, etc. Especially after he sent those texts the other night saying, "i'm and a**hole, you deserve better than me" and so forth. Makes me think there is something going on with him that he's not telling me. I know I shouldn't be thinking about this, but I can't help it.

The thing is, I don't want to change my number. I don't think he is a bad person, and at one time we had a great friendship. Especailly when he was and Iraq, we wrote letters back and forth for months. I really care for him, so getting over him and mantaining NC with him is so so hard. I go back and forth with myself. And when he told me he missed me the other night, I want to believe him. Even though I know he is not being fair to me and that I DO deserve better. My emotions are messing me up. Just hope this gets better.