Men and commitment




Why should he commit completely?

Believe it or not men know if they want to marry a woman within six months of dating, I know you may not believe it but it is true, however sometimes they just wait for the right time, and of course finances, and last you must be the right “woman” as if there were ever such a thing.

Have you ever spent years in a relationship that perhaps you never foreseen it coming to end? Or perhaps you seen the signs but felt so secure that you were in denial that he would never leave? He tells you how he loves you but don’t see where things are going, or perhaps he even takes it to the extreme in telling you that he needs to straighten out his life. Only to find that a few months later he is either engaged, getting married, or in a serious relationship or perhaps he is just with a different women every week? You can’t understand what it is that he sees in them and why did he walk away from a perfect relationship.


Perhaps you made it too easy? Giving him all the sex he needed, being his mother, friend, lover and whatever he wanted you to be. You made it so easy for him that it became a bore. You pick up the phone on the first ring when he calls, never giving him time to worry about you because you are always there at his beck and call. You text him to tell you how you feel, writing him letters, never forgetting a birthday or anniversary, Or simply remembering that his father is going in for surgery tomorrow. Whatever it was you were like his human rolodex.

You wanted to spend every available night with him, while you were seeing this as being caring and concerning he on the other hand is slowly suffocating. You often bring up conversation about your future in getting married, and having a family at the first opportunity available.

He on the other hand is still striving to become a hunter, establishing his guidelines to provide a healthy carefree life for his family when he can. If a man does not feel that he can support his family he will feel like a failure, and your relationship will become secondary. Men more so commit when they are a little more financially stable.

Sure you may well enough be the best mate for him, but its really about timing. It’s about where he is in his life, career, financially, if in fact he is done with sleeping around, what type of family he has etc…


You are supplying him with all his needs, what else does he have to look forward too? Why should he marry you? He is getting all that he needs as a boyfriend? Why should he get married to you, you are living together you are practically his wife in spirit why even bother with the paperwork?


Many women often find themselves staying in a relationship for years only to come to the realization that this man may never marry you. And you began to ask the questions why? What? When? Where? Who?

Men love women who are independent, strong, and focused. I realized that after my first marriage that I needed to become more in love with myself. Be cautious because being too strong can be an absolute turn off. Men want women who are understanding, but not too naïve, who are confident not cocky. Men like women who are not too clingy and can be perfectly fine with not spending one night together, Or giving him that one day with the guys without a million questions.


Think about it, you became so predictable that it is no longer fun. You become dependent upon him to make you happy, and not realizing that you really didn’t set the standards high. Sex is so easy to get. We even accommodate him even when we are least happy. It’s perfectly fine to love someone and want to be there all the time but remember that you are no longer giving him a chase, and men love to hunt. They are more explorers while we are more reserved, and can usually make the best out of a bad situation.

I am not saying that some don’t get married after playing house for so many years, but at that point it becomes cheaper to keep her, if you know what I mean, and often times, its really for convenience.

My point for this article is that as women we need to consider before we invest so much into someone so hastily. It is okay to not answer one of his calls, its okay to live in separate apartments until you can be financially independent.

Something I also learned is that if you are a woman dating please do not make yourself seem too superficial, as some men tend to see one way and that is the bedroom. You have so much makeup on you can see creases in your face; your skirt is so short he can see your panties; your boobies are practically greeting him. Your shoes match your hand bag, your earrings are also matching. You are trying too hard.

How can he focus on anything you are saying when all can think about is getting in bed with you?

The moral is that men are willing to commit, and they do eventually marry and have children. The question is will it be with you? Maybe or maybe not, it really depends on timing, and the maturity level. Also his family background can also tell you if he is the marrying type. EX; divorce parents, single parents, siblings, friends. Those are also indicators of a man willingness to commit. It also depends if you are perhaps being too available. Making everything so easy for him, hence the saying why buy the cow when the milk is free.


So ladies you may have a commitment phobe or you may have someone who is willing to say I do. It really depends on how you present yourself. It’s all about marketing yourself to your potential mate and loving yourself most importantly. Don’t beg, plea or give ultimatums if you are not really going to leave. You give a deadline, stick to it, and move on if it is not what you want. He may realize he messed up or he may not even care. The bottom line is that it will save you a whole lot of grief in the end. Remember you can’t make anyone do anything. So begging, pleading, trying to get pregnant, they never work. Also, never punish all men for one man, understand that there are men who are willing to commit.

These are just some of my opinions from my past experiences, and listening to others as to why some men marry and some don’t.

This is very helpful in my situation thank you

It is exactly what is happening to me now,and I still don't know what to do! I am confused and upset!

Of course you would be its natural but you know what try to unconfuse yourself because you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure him out, when you probably won't. Especially if he is confused himself. The only thing you can do is to take the relationship as a lesson, and improve yourself. Sometimes you can be doing everything right and still be wrong in his eyes. Why are you upset? Upset that you feel you waisted time? Because if that is the case you shouldn't be. That time with him has probably change you in some ways that will benefit you in the future. You will see. There is nothing wrong with being happy and single. Often times we become dependent on others to fulfill our happiness when yet we are in total control of what makes us happy over what makes us angry. Besides you want someone complimentary not supplementary. Someone who is there when the going gets tough. Not when things get tough they get going. We go through the lows in life to learn it is not for us to question it but to find the meaning underlying it.

it is exactly what is happening to me now,and i still don't know what to do! i am confused and upset!

Learn to love who you are!
So very true. When we depend on others for our happiness, we are so setting ourselves up for failure.