[jretti]

My girlfriend recently broke up with me after saying she loved me for over a year. I've read other colums of advice and a lot of them say to not have any contact with her at all. Let her come to me. Is that good advice?

[Romefalls19]

The idea of No Contact is not to bring you're girlfriend back. She's gone, it's over, move on. What No Contact does is enables you to heal yourself and better yourself. It allows you to fix what she has broken and allow you to stop being a little punk and texting/calling her 24/7 begging for her to come back. If you think NC will bring her back you are in for a long long hurtful journey of false hopes and broken dreams.

Welcome aboard the forum, we will see you often as many of us have been where you have been before. Keep you're chin up, worse things could happen

[brian1231]

I think NC is usually good advice. Elaborate on your situation please.

[jretti]

I think NC is usually good advice. Elaborate on your situation please.

Well we were together for 1 and a half years and from what she told me,I pushed her away with my jealousy and sometimes my insecureness.

[jretti]

The idea of No Contact is not to bring you're girlfriend back. She's gone, it's over, move on. What No Contact does is enables you to heal yourself and better yourself. It allows you to fix what she has broken and allow you to stop being a little punk and texting/calling her 24/7 begging for her to come back. If you think NC will bring her back you are in for a long long hurtful journey of false hopes and broken dreams.

Welcome aboard the forum, we will see you often as many of us have been where you have been before. Keep you're chin up, worse things could happen

I thank you for your straight-up answer. I can't say I totally agree with the no contact. I think it's all I can do for now and yes,I agree I will better myself with the no contact but I'm hoping she will come back none the less.

[brian1231]

Well we were together for 1 and a half years and from what she told me,i pushed her away with my jealousy and sometimes my insecureness.

Id go LC or NC. You said you pushed her away. STOP ALL PUSHING. Work on yourself. Do something to stop jealously/end insecurity. Go to the gym. VISIBLY work on yourself. That's all you can really do.

[jretti]

Id go LC or NC. You said you pushed her away. STOP ALL PUSHING. Work on yourself. Do something to stop jealously/end insecurity. Go to the gym. VISIBLY work on yourself. Thats all you can really do.

Yes, I've been back to the gym and I see a councilor for my jealousy and other problems.

[Chery]

yes, I've been back to the gym and I see a councilor for my jealousy and other problems.

That's a good start, and it will help you do better with the next relationsip you enter.

When I read 'I want him/her back' I cringe, because some things just are not made to be fixed - they are made for us to learn from and better ourselves.

The following quote is from Ash123 and I think she put it in a nutshell - a great guidline for all who have been hurt and just cannot understand why... so ponder on it for a while and then start seriously working on the better side of you.

Relationship Tester (1-10 guide for those in doubt)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is a quick guide for those questioning what they have in their relationship and whether to go on or walk away:
1. Can you be yourself with this person?
2. Do you trust them?
3. Do you think they have your back at all times?
4. Do you respect them?
5. Do they respect you?
6. If you were not sleeping together would they still have the character to be considered a best friend?
7. Do they make your life more productive?
8. Do disagreements get settled with a respectful conversation?
9. Do you like them enough to want to show them off to your parents and best friend anytime?
10. Could you go on like things are now with this person... forever?

And two more for those thinking of the long-term:

11. Do you give unconditionally (spritually as well as physically) to them?
12. Do they give unconditionally (spritually as well as physically) to you?

If you can say yes to at least 11 of these consider yourself lucky. If not, consider why you are hanging in there and if that reason is enough...

Note: Notice there is no mention of the word "love' in this list. Love is tough to judge in the heat of hurt or confusion or passion. Though, it is important to have in the end.

************************************************** ***************************

Good luck, as you can see - you are not alone - it's the human factor and we just have to deal with it.

[talaniman]

If your working on your issues to get her back, forget it. Do it for you.

[liz28]

Also note that its glad your working on yourself but not all the time you get that person back that you lost Sometimes when its over its really that no matter how much you want that person back and if it truly meanth to be then it shall come back, but if it don't you try not to repeat the same mistakes with the next relationship. Just know when can't always get what we want.

[jretti]

Also note that its glad your working on yourself but not all the time you get that person back that you lost Sometimes when its over its really that no matter how much you want that person back and if it truly meanth to be then it shall come back, but if it dont you try not to repeat the same mistakes with the next relationship. Just know when can't always get what we want.

Thanks Liz... I hear you. I do believe she will come back to me. We parted without words,no fighting nothing negative. I will focus on me in the meantime so I guess it is a win-win for me right?