[LetMeSee]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and really just looking for thoughts from people that do not know me..

A few months ago me and my fiancé of 3 years split up for 2 weeks over something silly
I can't remember what it was now.. but it was silly...

I ignored her for a week no text returns or anything, within this week she was
Me all the time professing love and that I'm being silly.. I didn't at the time
But I guess I do now...

Within this 1st week she started to see one of her work colleagues which really hurt me
That she could do this so soon, she was seeing him for a few days before I found out,
When I found out I phoned her right away and asked what she was playing at, she said its nothing serious yet and she just having some fun and he listens to her talking about me..
Her was a shoulder to cry on etc... that night she phoned me and said are we going to get back together I said maybe.. but the next day we did..

I asked her many times if she had done anything sexual with this other guy
She said no many times.. she said he came to her house a few times and they watched
Dvd's and chatted but he never ever stayed there the night...

We had split before for a day or 2 but they not really splits
They are more of a cool down period we always get back together...

I did not live with her.. so when I left it wasn't like we split I just left and went home for a few days we are always in contact

The other night we had a really good night out and were both a little drunk...
She said its time for her to be honest and she told me that
In fact she did have sex with this other guy..
Well she said one night she was really upset and he was there talking to her
Converting her and he invited her back to his house...
They ended up in bed together...

Umm I asked her to tell me what she did... which she has done..
She said that after about 1 minute of having sex with him she said stop
And that she got up got dressed and went home..
She said she felt very guilty at the time of doing it and was thinking how hurt I would be
That's why she stopped it..

She didn't tell me this for 7 months she has made me be nice to this other guy
When we see him out, talk to him and all his friends and hers...
I feel so betrayed by her actions and lies...
I couldn't ever do this to her no matter what she did to me... I'm not like that

I have since had her back (5 days now) we made plans for family marriage
We just got a new house which we move into soon together.. that was before she told me
I know she had to tell me... but why would she do it in first place if she really loved me

I've asked her this and she said it's the worst mistake she has ever made and she will
Do anything to make it up to me and make our relationship work

Am I silly for having this girl back do you think I will ever trust her again
Will she cheat on me again, how do I erase the images of her and him out of my head
The anger seems to subsiding for me now but I still feel very hurt,

I love her with all my heart and just can't understand why she would do this.

[plonak]

Im kind of confused, when did she sleep with the guy? A couple months ago when you had your 2 week "break" or it was when you guys were officially together..

It seems to me that you are playing games with her (and maybe she is with you) breaking up and getting back together over "silly" things is stupid, you can't even remember why it happened, shows that it wasn't a big deal and maybe you took that break for underlining reasons, maybe you're afraid to marry her? Figure out why you're always taking breaks, it's important to understand that before you get married,

As for the cheating, it's hard to answer you if I don't know if you guys were really with each other when she had sex with the guy.. if she did cheat and you guys were indeed together this is also signs that things are not right... will she do it again? I don't know, but the fact that she confessed to you is a good thing, she felt guilty about it.. you guys NEED to go to counciling before marriage!!

[spitvenom]

I am engaged and if we had a "break" for 2 weeks and then 7 months later I found out she slept with someone else during the break I would be out the door VERY FAST. I know it is not cheating but only a two week break and she slept with someone else that is not forgivable in my eyes. And you hung out with him and had to be nice F that get out now.

[chuff]

This is not an easy one. Technically you were broke up so she could do what she wanted but the reality was she used that break up to sleep with someone else while the possibility of a reconsiliation was still in the air. I actually think what was worse was the fact that she lied about this, because she knew if she told you the truth it may have been over. To be honest, I think it is over because you have been emotionally suffering for months now because of what she did. Whether she was right or wrong is almost irrelevant, you are the one who is suffering now and it's up to you to fix that pain. By constantly focusing at this period and the aftermath of it, you are picking at an open wound and it will never heal. I think you have to break up with her... not because of what she did but rather because of what it's currently doing to you. This is not healthy for the most important person in your life, you.

[COOKIE MONSTER]

Hun trust has to grow,you can't just wake up one morning and its back.if your going to try and make it work with her,the trust will slowly come back.as for will she cheat on you again well she didn't cheat on you in my book,you had broken up and she did something silly,she was upset.we've all done stupid things when we've been upset,I no I have and regret it after.but we can't take these things back or change what we did,we just have to live with them and try and get on with things,she probably didn't want to tell you because she wanted to forget what she had done,she new it was wrong,she new it would hurt you if she told you and could possibly ruin the relationship to the point were it couldn't be fixed.
You can't erase the images I'm afraid they'll fade with time

You will hurt its understandable,you've been together for 3years or more,this will also fade with time

People do stupid things when they are in love and when they break up with the partner they are in love with
Then we realise that what we did was stupid and feel guilty about it,but we can't take it back or change it so we just have to live with it,we can tell are loved 1 what we did or keep quiet and live with the guilt

Maybe she needed to get drunk to get the courage to tell you what she did,because she was ashamed of her actions

[LetMeSee]

Hi again

First let me thank everyone for your input.

Me and my fiancé are from completely different backgrounds and lives
From the very first time we saw each other there was something there
An immediate spark between us, I wanted to give her a chance..
She was not someone I would usually have a relationship with
But she grew on me and I've come to love her very much


Its not so easy to let someone go after a long period together
Through ups and downs an personal experiances we have shared
Plus the plans we have made together...

I believe it was a mistake a very bad one for her to make
But I believe she is sorry and regrets doing it completely
I believe everyone deserves a 2nd chance maybe I'm a fool
Maybe I'm not I don't know I guess I will see in the future.

I can only learn from this and hope it makes me a better person.
I guess it already has...

[chuff]

Hi again

first let me thank everyone for your input.

me and my fiance are from completely different backgrounds and lives
from the very first time we saw each other there was something there
an immediate spark between us, i wanted to give her a chance..
she was not someone i would usually have a relationship with
but she grew on me and ive come to love her very much


its not so easy to let someone go after a long period together
through ups and downs an personal experiances we have shared
plus the plans we have made together...

i beleive it was a mistake a very bad one for her to make
but i beleive she is sorry and regrets doing it completely
i beleive everyone deserves a 2nd chance maybe im a fool
maybe im not i dont know i guess i will see in the future.

i can only learn from this and hope it makes me a better person.
i guess it already has...

Then why did you ask the question to begin with? Don't BS us, your in pain from what happened. I'm not going to tell you what to do, it's your life, but she's a liar and your now making excuses for it. I don't envy being in your spot, it's a tough decision but this post is a total 180 from your original. The most important person in this relationship is YOU, not her. If she is going to disrespect you then you can expect more of the same. I agree that everybody makes mistakes and some deserve a second chance but she held this from you. She didn't trust you enough to tell you the truth. Where was she when you deserved that?

[LetMeSee]

Hi,

Wow chuff I feel threatened by your post you sound very angry..
I don't know if I did a 180 or not.. maybe you misunderstand what I was
"trying" to say I blow at this kind of thing explaining feelings and such :/

I had already said I was back with her... but wanted some opinions
Of people whom I did not know or they knew me..

Yes many people have told me to kick her to the kirb and forget about her
I find this very difficult to do I'm in love with her
I am in no way trying to make excuses for her no way,
I'm just giving thoughts that are in my head right now.
All I remember are the good times.. :/

How do I explain grrrr
I don't think I can right now :/

What can I say I'm a nice guy or I try to be :/
If she ever hurt me like this again she knows
Things would turn out very different..

I swear I'm not bs anyone I'm just not explaining things correctly.

[chuff]

Hi,

Wow chuff i feel threatened by your post you sound very angry..

You feel threatened by a guy you've never met who is posting something on the internet? You really are BSing us now.

dont know if i did a 180 or not.. maybe you misunderstand what i was "trying" to say i blow at this kinda thing explaining feelings and such :/

i had already said i was back with her... but wanted some opinions
of people whom i did not know or they knew me..

Did you not read what I wrote? I acknowledge she slept with someone else on her time. She did however, lie to you on yours.

yes many people have told me to kick her to the kirb and forget about her i find this very difficult to do im in love with her
i am in no way trying to make excuses for her no way,
im just giving thoughts that are in my head right now.
all i remember are the good times.. :/

As I also acknowledged you are conflicted. You are the one that is confused here not me. I see this as clear as day with nothing to gain from you lying girlfriend. You are making excuses for her and you are stuck trying to figure out how you can love her and treat her a certain way and she can't do the same for you. You are going back and forth from anger to fear of losing her and the only person this is harming is you. She got laid, got to lie to you, and now gets to hold it over you-this doesn't affect her in the slightest.

how do i explain grrrr
i dont think i can right now :/

Exactly my point. Your conflicted, confused and you want it both ways but reality is that you can't have it. So for the good of YOU I suggest you leave her.

what can i say im a nice guy or i try to be :/
if she ever hurt me like this again she knows
things would turn out very different..

Does she? Why? Where is the proof in that? She got laid. She then lied to you for months. She then made you be nice to him. She then told you the truth. She has controlled you through her emotional games through this whole thing. And you are going to tell me that you are in control of this situation?

i swear im not bs anyone im just not explaining things correctly.

I think you are explaining things correctly. You just don't want to face either choice. Stay with her and know she's been with someone else since you or dump her and face the pain of the loss. Facing loss sucks but staying with someone who doesn't fit your moral equivalent and is a constant reminder of your ongoing pain sucks worse.

[nickshehe]

I agree 100% with chuffs post.
What confuses me is that she could have gotten away with cheating on the guy.. It was 7 months ago and he didn't know anything about it until she told him.
Why on earth would she suddenly be honest?
Confuzzled <---

[Romefalls19]

Nickshehe, probably because she has continued to do it more than just once, she has already shown she has the history of being a liar.

Things won't turn out different, you have shown you will be right there waiting like a dog for a bone. You two broke up, she went out with this guy, who she conviently realized she had feelings for(cough bull cough) and let him inside her thighs. So if you can take comfort in knowing that, and that I would put money on the fact it wasn't a one time thing, more power to you. I can't speak for everyone, but trash day around my neighborhood is Friday and she would be out on that curb. Maybe you got your days confused and put her out on recycling day?

[talaniman]

Lying and cheating are two of those things, that makes you think long and hard about moving into a new house with.

[talaniman]

within this 1st week she started to see one of her work colleagues which really hurt me

Yeah right! Once trust is lost it takes a lot of time, and actions on her part, to get it back, if ever. I hope she is worth what she put you through.

[LetMeSee]

Hi,

Im really amazed at this forum,

Everyone seems to be a hater, where is the understanding and conversation
That doesn't involve flaming someone or being a hater...

I was looking for some understanding and conversation with
People who understand my predicament not what has been posted here so far..

All I've gotten so far is bs and flames from everyone...

I wanted to sort through my own shi* whatever decission I have made..

I originally posted here to sort my own head out but every time I look here
All it seems to do is get me more angry that people take a one sided view
Of things that happen to real people on a more serious note.

What a sad world we would all live in if we all took the advice that has been given so far..
Open your eyes and take a good look at yourselves if you think all this was good advice.
Seems like a lot of anger comes out in these posts, maybe some of you are still hurting from something that happened to you.. if that's the case you shouldn't stereotype everyone.
We are not all the same and not everyone's head works the same.

The only one I can relate to right now is cookie monster who remained impartial and tbh
Said all I needed to hear so thank you for that hun. :)

For the record and no I'm not making excuses for her..
Ill tell you why she told me.. just to stop all the shi*

We went out for a meal and a drink to celebrate
Gettting our first house together, not only did we get a new house
We dropped our current jobs, false friends and phone numbers to start
100% a fresh we started talking about things we wish we could change
And truths about what could make our relationship better as you do
Yes we talk, we talk all the time.. this is why she told me..
So we could get away and start a fresh with no secrets and nothing
Hanging over us.. I always suspected she had done something with this other guy
But had no proof 100% now I do and were trying to move on from it, this doesn't make me weak or any less of a man, in fact I think it makes me more of a man for trying to sort things out like an adult and not taking the hater path.

I wanted positive thoughts from like minded people, people that have been through what I'm going through not all this bs about she a cheat, she a lier, get rid of her, she been doing it all along etc

Positive thoughs to help me get through it!

[Romefalls19]

You can take our advice however you want LMS. I guess I can be classified as a "hater" but I at least recognize truth and a liar when I see one. I hope she is true in what she tells you and not have to see you around here anymore(not to sound mean) but I just get this feeling we will see you on the forum again with a similar post.

I wish you the best of luck, and hope everything turns out OK

[spion_kop]

LMS: I think the reason why people are saying to get rid of her etc is not because they are a hater. But if you take a step back to analyze it, if this situation could happen once, it could def. happen again. That doesn't mean that IT WILL happen again. But if you guys are engaged to get married and this happened now, there is apossiblity that it could happen in the future.

Now, if you want to take her back and solve your problems, that is good on you. I think the main point you have to understand is that, you have to use your head to deal with this situation and not your heart. You're heart will always want your fiancée back but you have to be logical and do what is right for you, the both of you and for her. You have to match these three categories to solve the problem.

[Homegirl 50]

me and my fiance are from completely different backgrounds and lives
from the very first time we saw each other there was something there
an immediate spark between us, i wanted to give her a chance..
she was not someone i would usually have a relationship with
but she grew on me and Ive come to love her very much




i can only learn from this and hope it makes me a better person.
i guess it already has...

This disturbs me. You wanted to give her a chance what does that mean?
She is not someone you would usually have a relationship with but she grew on you, maybe this attitude is what lead to her wanting to leave you.
But to answer your question, if you can forgive her, take her back. But if you are going to rehash and throw it in her face leave her alone.

[talaniman]

Everyone seems to be a hater, where is the understanding and conversation
That doesn't involve flaming someone or being a hater...

Didn't like the comments huh! From what you posted, those are the answers you got. If she didn't cheat and lie, why did you say she did. We can only go by the picture you painted. For the record, nobody flamed you, nor hated on you, it was her we are warning you about. Take it for what its worth, the opinion of outsiders, commenting on what you have presented.

I was looking for some understanding and conversation with
People who understand my predicament not what has been posted here so far..

We do understand, its you who ignore what you don't want to hear. Not being mean, but if someone told you what you told us, what would your response be? Forgive and move in together? I honestly hope your right, and we are wrong.

[LetMeSee]

Hi,

This disturbs me. You wanted to give her a chance what does that mean?

It means she wasn't my usual type that I would go out/date with..

She is not someone you would usually have a relationship with but she grew on you, maybe this attitude is what lead to her wanting to leave you.

You are kind of correct, she always said that I never shown her enough emotions
Up until recently I would agree... things changed for me in the last few months
When I analyzed what I wanted, once I relaised it was her things got a lot better between us.
We have become much closer as a couple these past few months, don't take that as being bad the rest of the time because it wasn't.. its hard to explain but I guess we become a lot more open to each others feelings and we started doing more things together..

And just to answer the marriage questions..
The marriage is off until further notice.. we have both agreed this.

Now, if you want to take her back and solve your problems, that is good on you. I think the main point you have to understand is that, you have to use your head to deal with this situation and not your heart. You're heart will always want your fiancée back but you have to be logical and do what is right for you, the both of you and for her. You have to match these three categories to solve the problem.

Agreed!

but I at least recognize truth and a liar when I see one.

Errr OK what does a liar look like? Don't say my fiancé.

I hope she is true in what she tells you and not have to see you around here anymore(not to sound mean) but I just get this feeling we will see you on the forum again with a similar post.

I wish you the best of luck, and hope everything turns out OK

I hope she is telling the truth also, I hope everything turns out all right also thank you.
Ill will probably post on a few threads so you will months certainly see me on here again :)
I'm sure I have some good advice to offer some people..

[LetMeSee]

We do understand, its you who ignore what you don't want to hear. Not being mean, but if someone told you what you told us, what would your response be? Forgive and move in together? I honestly hope your right, and we are wrong.

I am listening I've already given my answer to this..

If someone told me what I have told you..
Id try and get more information about how this person was actually feeling
About the situation and evaluate from there id focus on the person telling me this initially and not what the other person had done..

No I wouldn't tell them to forgive and move in lol that would be stupid and that wasn't the answer I was looking for that would be stupid also.. I'm not a fool you know.. I'm an educated person looking for answers I guess we all are here..

Umm this has never happened to me before.. so I've never had to deal with it personally
I guess all throughout my life I've been lucky or maybe unlucky not to have had to deal with all these problems... relationship problems.. all previous relationships ended on good notes and I'm friends still with a lot of ex's come to think of it my life has been very easy.
With this exception nice things happen to nice people.

I've no idea if that is a good thing or a bad thing, I guess its good in most respects
But bad in others because this hit me hard so I guess even worst things would hit me harder.. I'm a happy person though so I bounce back fast and can control my emotions
Pretty well, this was a stumbling block for me but its not the end of the world..
Its been a week or so now and I'm returning to normal thinking I even popped a smile today