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Mixwell · May 8, 2008, 03:38 PM

My ex always says she loves me and cares about me. We have been together for about 10months, but we were friends for about a year before we started actually going out. Our relationship was great. She always expressed she is the happiest she has even been with me, I was the best boyfriend she ever had. None of her last boyfriend has ever been as sweet or as nice to her. I gave her the best sex she has ever had, she said actually felt more like making love. I was basically her first for everything but sex. I was first to buy her flowers, take her out to fancy restaurant, first for her mom and friends to like, actually care for her and the list goes on. All of her past boyfriend were just not good to her at all, I was the only good guy. Just all around best boyfriend.

I mean just like everyother couple had our arguments. But it was a Saturday night she gave me that line "go out with your friends i dont care, have fun!" she could not come out with us because she was unable to. Guess she really wanted me to stay? However she suggested she wants to go on a break the next day. She said she needs space and time to think and to basically have some time to herself for a little. She hasn't really ever been single before that also was factor. Like she said she justs want a little time to herself. She said repeatedly because I asked so much. She is not breaking for another guy or because she wants to have sex with someone else, its for something so much more. Just wants time for herself and just wants to live the single life for a little (like to go out to a club a few times and be able to flirt without hurting my feelings). Which I was mad about but could understand because she has never really been able to flirt in life, because she has always been in relationships. But she said to me your not just some other guy I love you so much and I could see myself really being with you for a very long time etc. Before we got together when were friends I used to go out a lot to clubs and flirt with girls all the time and she said you got to live that life why can't I? Which is understandable. Just hopes she realized like I did that, that life gets old and meaningless.

We have argued a lot after the break of course I beg and tried to get her back(the usual thing). But now its been about two weeks I have given her her space. Have not called, text, etc. She usually ends up texting me everyday to see how I'm doing what I been up to etc. and also says thanks I appreciate for listening to her and giving her space and even asked to meet up with me a few times because she says she misses me. We met up last night (wednesday night) it was just like normal we were happy and enjoying each other's company. When were leaving I went to give her a kiss (she thought of the lips), she said wait we still not together. So I gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug. Then she came to me gave me a kiss on both cheeks and on the forehead. Then she was wondering if I wanted to chill again Friday. I said yes. I don't want to get my hopes up, but maybe not talking to her and giving her space helped.

I still love her and care for her a lot. Hope following these guidelines will help because I want to get back together one day soon.

Also she wants to chill tomorrow. Is that fine to chill with her? How long? How should I act? Also should I bring up about has she been thinking about us being back together? Etc

dodgy_dave · May 8, 2008, 03:45 PM

Just see where it goes. You have both had time to think about your feelings for each other after being apart for a little while, if you have missed each others intimate company then I think maybe you should approach the subject of what is going on between you; maybe leave it to her to bring up though... she was the one that asked for the break after all!

Mixwell · May 8, 2008, 04:52 PM

Yeah that's true ill definitely consider that.

Anymore advice would be helpful people. Free feel to leave more suggestions. Want a lot before tomorrow

Handyman2007 · May 8, 2008, 05:13 PM

Yeah, play it out but she is definitely looking other places. Bottom line. Been there, HAD THAT DONE TO ME!

spion_kop · May 8, 2008, 07:00 PM

I don't want to be pessemistic, but my ex gave me that line too about wanting to be single and experencing that life. I too was her first for a lot of things, I was her first kiss! We've never had sex however. Two days after we broke up she is dating another guy..

All I can say is that, don't be fooled. She may care a lot about you but she may not see you in her life at the moment. Be sure to keep an open mind and to enjoy your life. Also, try not to always see her because she left you, remember that. Try to be a bit more independent.

yangjian · May 8, 2008, 07:22 PM

是的，就像上楼的仁兄说的，只要她的心已经离开了你，就不必再去强求，顺其自然吧！

Handyman2007 · May 8, 2008, 08:32 PM

Originally Posted by yangjian

是的，就像上楼的仁兄说的，只要她的心已经离开了你，就不必再去强求，顺其自然吧！

HUH??

nickshehe · May 9, 2008, 02:32 AM

Well I'm going to be realistic/border line pessimistic here, I got the same line from my girlfriend and then I got dumped officially.. You're giving her everything she's asking, fair enough, you're a nice guy.. You're hoping this break will make her miss you and realize her mistake e.t.c. How can she miss you if you're "chilling" every day?
She doesn't want to be official with you but she wants to see you when she misses you? OR she's bored?. This girl is taking a lot more than she's giving.. If whenever she asks for you, now, as a "friend", you're there - there's NO WAY she will be thinking about having a relationship with you.. Because think about it, why did she want to call it a break?
-flirt with other guys
-see what else is out there
-"time for herself" -(lol I love that line.. )

What are you giving her?
-liberty to flirt with other guys
-see what else is out there
-"time for herself"
-BONUS: I still have my ex boyfriends company when I need it.

.. Pressuring her into a decision will only make her run. What you need to do is stop all contact with her before she makes a habit of stringing you along..

What I would do?
Stop contact and start running away. - she will hurt you.
An alternative - which I disapprove as I don't like to "play":

Play her at her own game, tell her that she could be RIGHT, that you may BOTH need time for yourselves, and suggest you take an official break where you don't contact each other for a couple of weeks, until you BOTH (key word) figure out what it is you want-because you can't solve anything if you're together but not together.. and in 2 weeks time or WHENEVER "YOU'LL SEE" (key words)... but you never contact her.. This will probably drive her insane and have her run back to you like a puppy.. but you have to resist the first couple of weeks.. make her work for your attention so she knows you aren't messing about..

Good luck

spion_kop · May 9, 2008, 08:04 AM

nickshehe: I did the same thing with my girlfriend. I decided to play her own game AND keep NC. To be fair, I didn't want her back after what she did.
Mixwell: It's better that you picture your life without her at the moment because that is what she is trying to do to you. DO NOT! Let her string you along, because in the end that will just hurt you a lot.
You have time to grieve and to be sad but the best thing you can do is write down all the reasons on why she's doing this to you and analyze the person that she is. If a person who really loves you and cares about you does this to you, does it mean that they loved you unconditionally? Think about it, and understand that it is better that this happened now and not maybe 4 years down the line or maybe when you were married. Think of this as a great experience in life and how you can learn so much from it and be the better person.
***Remember, it takes a big person to end a relationship even though they are comfortable and safe in it. It takes a bigger person to get up after they've been down, dust themselves up, keep their chin up and continue with their life. YOU CAN BE THE BIGGER PERSON

Mixwell · May 9, 2008, 08:40 AM

Thanks for all the responses, it really got me feeling a bit better. She made it official last night she just doesn't feel the same for me anymore and can't picture herself with me right now, but there is no one else in her life now she said repeatedly. Also she said just needs to time to herself. Still don't know exactly what that means. I guess I got to give it time so I can get over her and I guess remain friends with her. Just so horrible how this happened I was so good to her and everything was great, the next day all has change. Just hard to understand sometimes you know? Its not like I cheated on her or something like that. Its like for no exact reason that is making it the hardest for me. Well I'm not going to contact her. Trying to get over this soon, I'm not waiting or hoping but maybe in future we'll be together again.

nickshehe · May 9, 2008, 09:02 AM

Good philosophy there.. Don't wait.. and if you can't stand being her friend - you don't have to be. She was selfish in looking at her own interests when she left you and then wanting to keep you as her friend. You don't have to suffer to be the nice guy - she's the one that removed you from her life at the end of the day, so you don't owe her anything.. That doesn't mean you should be angry or mean too her.. But if you can't be her friend then don't be.
Hang in there.

Mixwell · May 9, 2008, 10:47 AM

We talked more and told me that day we met up just felt like we were more friends and that love was not there. I honestly was acting different towards her that night, but she offfered to chil with me tonight. So for once I'm going to act like me, not what my friends have told me to do. Hopefully this works I'm going to take her to this special restaurant we once been too, where we had a perfect and loving night together. Everyone wish me luck. No matter what happpens tonight I'm going to give her space and no contact. To leave her with one great experience to think about.

Any advice for tonight?

plonak · May 9, 2008, 10:56 AM

Be yourself, and yes after tonight.. don't meet with her again.. I did the whole "i need a break" thing with my boyfriend, and those sporatic meetings were to help me not feel so bad and not missing him, I say if she wants the break give it to her and make it hurt. Tell her that she can't just say she wants a break and then choose whenever she wants to see you,. she needs to feel the loneliness..

And about tonight, don't set your hopes too high, because you never know how it's going to go.. it will probably go to NC after tonight and be OK with it.. I know its hard. Good luck

Mixwell · May 9, 2008, 07:40 PM

We had to reschedule the night. I think it will be better to have it at a later date, our relationship is way too stressed right now, think it will be more effective at a later date. So now I'm going to give it time no contact unless she talks to me. She has been asking to see me already I denied the first one. See how everything goes. Hope it works out

talaniman · May 10, 2008, 10:46 AM

but we were friends for about a year before we started actually going out.

She has realized she can put you in the friend zone and still do whatever she pleases, and still be open for something interesting to com along. She has you and doesn't have to get over you. Great situation for her but not so great for you. That's YOUR own fault. Lady wants a break give it to her and disappear from her life and build one that you enjoy without her.

I think it will be better to have it at a later date, our relationship is way too stressed right now, think it will be more effective at a later date.

Your relationship is a friendship that she controls. You have allowed her to call the shots and set the pace. UGH! Not attractive, that's what puppy dogs do. As they are told.

So now I'm going to give it time no contact unless she talks to me.

Double Ugh!! And what does that say for your dignity and self respect?? No wonder she dumped you.

She has been asking to see me already I denied the first one. See how everything goes. Hope it works out

Make it work by leaving her alone and giving her what she asked for... a break!

Mixwell · May 10, 2008, 11:04 AM

Yeah your right. Wish I would have knew all of this beforehand. I guess its too late

talaniman · May 10, 2008, 11:37 AM

Originally Posted by Mixwell

yeah your right. wish i would have knew all of this beforehand. i guess its too late

Nope, never to late. Just start now.

Mixwell · May 10, 2008, 12:11 PM

I will but first needs time of course. Next time I really got to get ahold of this relationship like I was before. I guess I became to nice to her and always being nice isn't the way you should be with girls. They will get used to it take advangtage and overall you will get boring to them; sometimes its good to be just to keep them in check that your running the show and your driving the car. I learned this now but hopefully want to use this knowledge I do know now with her oneday. I just know next time I will be different with all I have learned. Now its time for healing and to learn to live life without her. Whatever the future holds I'm not waiting on it whatever happens happens. Just hope for the best.