[CrazyTrain88]

All right, let me try and summarize the situation as best I can before asking my questions (of which I have many... ). Kind of a while back, I met this girl in school, and I fell in love with her. Like, really in love; I've never met another girl that made me feel the way she makes me feel. Thing is, I was always really shy in school, and so she pretty much had no idea. Er, well, towards the end, we did have a few "moments" together, and I think she kind of started to realize I liked her. And even then, she didn't seem to try to push me away, in fact she was even a tiny bit flirty in a very subtle way. I probably SHOULD have taken my chance then, but she was so subtle, and I was so shy, I can't help but wonder if maybe she was just playing with me, or something... I just don't know for sure; she never striked me as the kind of girl that would do that to a guy, but I guess you can never tell with people...

Anyway, it's been kind of a while since I've seen her; she went to a college that's about an hour-and-a-half, maybe two hours away from where I live. I've been thinking about her a lot ever since then, because, again, I've never met a girl I felt that way about. Recently, I found her MySpace page, and got back in touch with her. She seemed REALLY happy to hear from me, which kind of surprised me, considering how shy I was back in school. But, when I was finally able to view her profile, I saw that she had been dating a guy since about November of 2007. I don't know the guy at all, but if her profile page is any indicator, he must be pretty great to her... So, basically, I'm in love with a girl that's already in what I assume is a happy relationship.

Now, don't get me wrong, here. It's not my intention to try to come between them, or break them up, or "steal" her away from him, or anything like that. But her first year at the college is ending this week, and she's coming home for the next four months (and her home city is a lot closer to where I live than two hours). Also, her relationship will have to become a semi-long distance one, since her boyfriend lives near the college they go to. So I've been wondering if maybe I should try to take this oppurtunity and get involved in her life again, just so that I'm there (again, though, I'm not being "devious" and trying to stray her away from her boyfriend).

Hm. I'm not even sure where to begin with my questions... I guess the first thing I want to know is, do you think I could ever have a chance with this girl? Me, her, and her boyfriend are all only 19, and I know we're still pretty much "kids", but how likely is it that the guy she's with now will be the guy she's with for the rest of her life (and thus never giving me a chance)?

Do you think it'd be a good idea to try to meet up with her over the summer at all? And if so, how do I go about asking her or presenting the idea, without it sounding like a date? Keep in mind, the messages her and I have sent back and forth thus far have been sort of casual and light. I don't want to push her too far, after all...

And this is probably my biggest question, and my major concern; how can I stop myself from becoming "just a friend" to her? What I mean by that is, I want her to know that I'm interested in her, should she ever become available, but at the same time, I respect that she has a boyfriend and that I can't come between them. By nature, I'm the type of guy that usually ends up being nothing more than a friend to most girls, and I don't want that to happen with this girl, but I don't know how to stop that, but at the same time, not come on too strong (being mindful of her relationship).

So, thanks for any help. I should also add that this whole situation isn't necessarily "holding me back" from seeing other people and dating, and all that. But the thing is, I never end up in anything long term, simply because I haven't met a girl that makes me feel the same as this girl did/ does, and I really like that "feeling", I WANT that "feeling". I'm hoping that, since we're still young, there's still a chance I could be with her some day, but... I don't know. Being in a relationship with her isn't even the only thing on my mind; there are so many things I want to know, like, whether she really did like me back then. You know? *Sigh* I don't know, but this whole thing is really bugging me... I'm sure all the answers I get will just tell me that I should forget about her, etc. etc. but I wish it were that simple. :(

[talaniman]

First you say that you don't want to come between her, and her relationship, then you want to know if you have a chance with her? NO! Your right, you should leave her alone, since your trying to avoid the "friend zone" and the fact she is in a relationship, long distance at that, makes this a very iffy venture at best. Date someone who is local, and available, and put this fancy away.

[amIwrong]

I agree.

First you say that you don't want to come between her, and her relationship, then you want to know if you have a chance with her? NO! Your right, you should leave her alone, since your trying to avoid the "friend zone" and the fact she is in a relationship, long distance at that, makes this a very iffy venture at best. Date someone who is local, and available, and put this fancy away.

[CrazyTrain88]

First you say that you don't want to come between her, and her relationship, then you want to know if you have a chance with her? NO!

I meant in the future; all I'm saying is, I'm not trying to interfere in their relationship and lure her away from her boyfriend. But at the same time, I want her to see that I'm interested, and make sure that IF she becomes available, I have my foot in the door, so to speak.

Besides, it's not as though she expressed disinterest in me; if she had, I'd have probably dropped this whole thing right away. But the first message I had gotten back from her just seemed so enthusiastic and happy, when I hadn't expected that (again, due to how limited our interactions were in the past). Add on that she seems very open and chatty in the messages she's sent back as replies to my other messages I've sent her. Not that that necessarily means anything, but I think it's somewhat of a good sign, don't you think?

When I'm asking if I have a chance with her, I'm really just trying to find out what "statistics" are about relationships at this age, as maybe that'd set my mind at ease that there's still a chance she'll be available in the future. I have a tendency to jump to conclusions about stuff like this; even though I know NOTHING about the guy she's with, I already have this mindset that he's absolutely perfect and can do no wrong, and that the two of them will get married and live happily ever after, blah blah blah, and that really brings me down...

Date someone who is local, and available, and put this fancy away.

Like I already said, I'm not putting my life on hold for this girl; I'm not stopping myself from dating, it's just that I can't seem to find what I'm looking for (that "feeling") in a girl, and thus I never end up in anything long term. It's not so easy getting over this girl, because she's the only girl I've ever met, in all of my nineteen, almost twenty, years of being alive, that has ever made me feel like this.

[amIwrong]

Sure you have a chance, if that's what your asking.

I meant in the future; all I'm saying is, I'm not trying to interfere in their relationship and lure her away from her boyfriend. But at the same time, I want her to see that I'm interested, and make sure that IF she becomes available, I have my foot in the door, so to speak.

Besides, it's not as though she expressed disinterest in me; if she had, I'd have probably dropped this whole thing right away. But the first message I had gotten back from her just seemed so enthusiastic and happy, when I hadn't expected that (again, due to how limited our interactions were in the past). Add on that she seems very open and chatty in the messages she's sent back as replies to my other messages I've sent her. Not that that necessarily means anything, but I think it's somewhat of a good sign, don't you think?

When I'm asking if I have a chance with her, I'm really just trying to find out what "statistics" are about relationships at this age, as maybe that'd set my mind at ease that there's still a chance she'll be available in the future. I have a tendency to jump to conclusions about stuff like this; even though I know NOTHING about the guy she's with, I already have this mindset that he's absolutely perfect and can do no wrong, and that the two of them will get married and live happily ever after, blah blah blah, and that really brings me down...



Like I already said, I'm not putting my life on hold for this girl; I'm not stopping myself from dating, it's just that I can't seem to find what I'm looking for (that "feeling") in a girl, and thus I never end up in anything long term. It's not so easy getting over this girl, because she's the only girl I've ever met, in all of my nineteen, almost twenty, years of being alive, that has ever made me feel like this.

[Handyman2007]

There is nothoing wrong with having a friendship with this girl. Just don't push it. Write to her occasionally telling her about things in your home town and stuff like that. Mention to her that if she is ever home for a visit, maybe you two could get together for coffee or something very simple and casual. Again DON'T PUSH YOURSELF ON HER. Just be nice and kind----be yourself. Don't over-react if she makes contact with you. Be "cool". If she is interested, she will let you know in her own way. Just tread softly, OK? It sucks to be a shy person and we tend to overcompensate at times which detroys our self esteem and pushes people away... Just be a friend and aquaintence to her and see where it goes. OK... Good Luck