[ilovegud]

So, my problem has to do w/ my husband's best friend. I met my husband 6 yrs. Ago and we weren't very serious. A week after meeting my husband, I met his friend for the first time and instantly fell in love. I didn't think his friend would ever return the feeling, so I pushed back those feeling as best I could. Well, eventually we all 3 started hanging out and before I even got married we all 3 were BFs, even though I still had feelings for him. Basically, all this time before and after my marriage I've been pushing back feelings for his friend. This guy is VERY single and is now 'into' me. No, we have not discussed it.. but I just know. My husband and I got married because I was pregnant. I got pregnant because we were young and stupid (I, 19; he, 23). I was going to break it off w/ my husband the day I found out I was pregnant. So why did I marry him you ask? Well, my husband and I got in a fight w/ this friend and weren't on speaking terms for a yr. and a half. So, of course, I fell more in love with my husband at this time, and w/ he being the only man in my life, it felt like the right thing to do. My marriage is fine. My husband's incredibly in love with me, but I don't return the same amount of love. I think he's a great person (b/c he IS) but I realize that I don't want him as a husband.. but as a really good friend. As for this other man... I know him so well and I love him almost unconditonally... and I don't love my husband that way. I can take this other man and his flaws, but not even my own husband's. What should I do?! Why do I feel like this?? :confused:

[450donn]

Sounds like you need some therapy to help you discover what is wrong in this situation. You are married and have a child by your now husband. But you are fooling around, I assume behind your husbands back, with man "B"? What part of adultery is not in this picture. Oh yea, you say no sex so far? If you were married to me and I found out, I think I would kick you out of the house in about 30 seconds and file for divorce and sole custody. You have married for better or worse and now you want out because you have the hots for another man? Boy did he pick a good one?

[ilovegud]

LMAO! I've done absolutely nothing w/ this other man. Not even held hands or so much as even talk about feelings between us. Look, I know it's wrong, so spare me your 7th grade lecture BS. Can I please get some adult criticism around here? :rolls eyes:

[donf]

Well if you want some adult criticism, I guess that takes me out of the loop.

Look, to me this is a fairly simple situation you are stuck in. Regardless of all that has gone on, you chose to vow your fidelity to your husband. And based on your reply, you are struggling to keep that vow.

Stop beating yourself up. You are hereby welcomed to the human race, relax a little bit, please.

Believe it or not, the other guy is part of your fantasy world. It's the same as "Lust". It's a human emotion given to all of us. For example, if I fantasize about one of my former secretaries, its pretty much harmless. However, if I obsess about the lady to the point that it changes my behavior, that's a problem.

So look at this guy like he is part of the daydream world and let go.

I hope that makes sense to you, because you really don't need to trash yourself.

[the1unv]

I think you should put some space between yourself and guyB, you said when he was out the picture you fell more into love with your husband. I think it is much easier to spot your husbands flaws when you are looking for them... I say that because the more flaws you find the easier it will be in your mind to pursue guyB. I would definitely get some counseling and start looking for the good in your husband. You said he was a good man so finding things that please you shouldn't be that hard. If you have a can of gas and an open flame the best way to prevent a fire is to remove one from the picture. Get rid of the gas and you can burn your flame as high as you wish. You say your husband is totally in love with you... that is so hard to find. Good Luck.
Mike