[gaelle]

I recently dated a guy for a month during a very busy time in his life. We had a great time together, spoke everyday and really got to know each other well. We both agreed that our relationship was slowly progressing to be closer and more exciting. I think I got emotionally invloved faster than he did, but that's OK because things take time. Basically after a month he asked me to end it. He told me he was confused because he now has some major life decisions to make and because he is not "flying high" about me yet, although he loves to spend time with me and admires me a lot, he cannot continue to date me at this point in his life because he does not have the time to invest his emotions. He does not think that there is no potential between us, he is confused about whether the fact that he doesn't feel so excited about me is a function of our relationship which may just not be meant to be, or because it's a function of his busyness and distraction. He foresaw things stagnating now that his life is getting even crazier, so he thought the best thing for both of us would be to end it. He hinted he may reevaluate it in some time, but apologized for saying that because it gives me no closure. He told me he wishes he could tell me that he just doesn't think it would work out between us, because he knows that would give me more closure. But he can't say that for sure, because he really doesn't know. I am left now confused and missing him... and not wanting to date anyone else... I thought he was the one.
If anyone can explain his perspective to me more I would appreciate it...
Does anyone think that maybe that now that we've been totally out of contact for a week and a half he may be missing me, or do you think he just doesn't care?
What does all this mean?

[450donn]

If this was me, I would probably be saying that, A, you are moving a little too fast for me.B, I am not ready to commit at this time in my life, C, my life is too complicated right now and I don't have the time or energy to devote to you at this time. What I am really saying is that I don't think I am ready for marriage right now. Yes, I know that sounds silly, but that is the ultimate goal of dating?
As I see it you have a couple of choices write him off or give him a quick call and see if you can get together for coffee, or something sometime and then the ball is in his corner.

[gaelle]

I let him know how dissapointed I was about it ending... do you think I should contact him in a few months, or chances are that if he doesn't contact me it means he doesn't care to?

[JBeaucaire]

I have to disagree when you say you're "confused and disappointed". You're not confused. You're looking for some way to make what he did at the end UNDOABLE. You can't do that.

So, in truth, you're just disappointed. The only confusion is why you don't deal with it directly, honestly, and maturely.

When something happens you don't like, you deal with it. You don't over-anlayze it, he isn't doing that. You not only do yourself and him a disservice by acting/claiming "confusion" in this situation, you make yourself a cripple at the same time. You're not doing anything constructive at all in response, you are simply wallowing.

So shake off the false sense of confusion, this situation is exactly what he told you it was. It is exactly that. A breakup.

Now deal with it the way YOU would want to be dealt with if you had broken up with him. You won't talk him into changing his mind. You won't debate his reasons away. You can't make him "get it" and "come to his senses". You can't do any of that.

All you can do is work on you and continue to present yourself in a non-desparate, attractive way to him. Continue on with your life. Put nothing on hold for him, but make occasional appropriate outreach attempts. Do not stalk. Do not overdo it.

If you leave a message, send a text, whatever... never ever question why he doesn't respond in your next message. Stay calm and pleasant, and in control of your life... a life which will be perfectly fine if he never answers back.

Eventually he will respond, or your life will have moved on to something else and you won't even notice you stopped contacting him. Either way you win, no confusion.