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jenniferlup · Apr 22, 2008, 11:36 AM

I have a boyfriend that I have been on and off with for 12 years. I am 25 years old so is he. I need to try to save this relationship. I am afraid he might try to find someone else. He broke up with me on Friday but we decided to work on things... Please help me I don't know what to do and this is the last try. Oh and he is also talking to a girl. Which he told me about. So at least he was truthful right? And every time we break up he comes crying to me. HELP

Bluerose · Apr 22, 2008, 12:04 PM

You have known each other on and off for 12 years, if it was going to be something I think it would have been before now. You might have to accept that it isn't going in that direction. Could you just be good friends?

jenniferlup · Apr 22, 2008, 12:10 PM

No we tried that and we just wind up being together again. There is something there I just have to find it again.. I love his so much.

confusionmax · Apr 22, 2008, 12:44 PM

Be careful. I'm kind of going through a similar stage. We ended up staying friends. We became better friends then went back to dating.. now are back to being friends. There's always that chemistry two people feel, mainly because they are comfortable with each other. But girls see the closeness as a relationship and something more, where as a guy may see it as just another way of showing I care. No strings attached. If that works for u, then great. If it doesn't, let him know there is no such thing as a free ride with u. try to find out what he thinks of you first. Does he see you as a really good friend or something more?

jenniferlup · Apr 22, 2008, 12:50 PM

He told me he loves me more then anything. He can't see marrying or having kids with anyone but him. And every time we break up he wants me back.. He told me if I leave he can't help if he comes after me again. He loves me and that will never change.. So what do I do with that? Please I don't know.

confusionmax · Apr 22, 2008, 12:54 PM

Sweetheart if he loves you more than anything... then he wouldn't be talking to someone else. This is going to hurt.. but it sounds like he's holding on to you as a reserve. He wants to see what else is out there for him and if he doesn't find anything better, then he'll settle for u. don't be that one he settles for. If he is talking to someone else.. then you do the same. Find someone else. Don't loose your friendship, but don't keep your hopes too high. You never know.. u mite just meet someone much much better. And if he truly does love u, he'll come back for good. :)

jenniferlup · Apr 22, 2008, 01:00 PM

I know this I guess it is just to hard to let him go we just bought a house 4 months ago and I don't want to lose my home... I guess I am just praying it works out now.

confusionmax · Apr 22, 2008, 01:02 PM

I hope and pray it works out for you too. But you will need to be strong... all I can say is keep your eyes open. Think with your mind.. don't let your heart lead you right now. Just be careful. Its tough I know. But God will defin. Help you through it. All the very best. :)

jenniferlup · Apr 22, 2008, 01:05 PM

Thank you so much:)

madonna-berry17 · Apr 22, 2008, 11:26 PM

Well my advice is for you 2 talk 2 that person. Tell them how you feel about them and the relationship.

ashini · Apr 23, 2008, 12:22 AM

Dear jennifer,the prob with your realtion is that have you guys ever discussed about your future life together in these 12 years? u say you love him and he does too.. tha why does your relation end up in braek-ups so often? the thing is that you guys need a strong base 4 your relation,and you both need to be clear in your expectations.. tell him that you want a staedy life with him now,and no more braek-ups and other girls in your life.. if he accepts it,you are going to have a great life ahead and if he doesn't than he is yet not clear that what he himself wants... so you both just sit together alone.and communicate as to what you want.. coz 25 yrs is the age now to be mature enough and start a new and steady life... I hope the best for you both,and accept watever you guys end up in deciding,bcoz ultimately any decision is always 4 good...

parthapratimnat · Apr 23, 2008, 02:30 AM

Originally Posted by jenniferlup

I have a bf that I have been on and off with for 12 years. I am 25 years old so is he. I need to try to save this relationship. I am afraid he might try to find someone else. He broke up with me on Friday but we decided to work on things... Please help me I don't know what to do and this is the last try. Oh and he is also talking to a girl. Which he told me about. So at least he was truthful right? And everytime we break up he comes crying to me. HELP

Dear Friend,
Saving a relationship is up to the deeds. Your act , your behaviour, your lifestyle depends a lot. Frankly speaking I want to tell you that you need not have to save a relationship. Relationship is well protected in the boundaries of the relation. If he tells you that he talks to a gorl and you are afread that he might be in love with that girl. Then there is nothing to think of. Love and relation can't be bounded unless there is trust and faith in the two.. My advice to you is that you should act normally. If the Love was true to both of you that it won't be lost. May be its on a short time break. We people on earth have taken birth, which is unpreditable, the next comes your marriage ( I mean whether that would last of worn out) you can say that its is also unpreditable , so be happy with what you have. If you are in deeply love than there is nothing to do with your feeling. There comes helplessness, fuatration, anger, and lots of things which you might be experiencing... Lastly Death is unpreditcable. So please try to think in bettween all there.. and live life in a broather way. And if you try I am sure that you will be very mych happy . Sometimes in some situation you have to take life as it comes rather than thinking about it and ruining your peace..
God is there for al of you
God sees the truth but you have to be cool..
Please don't heasitate to ask me if you have anything.
With Love
Parth
[email protected]

parthapratimnat · Apr 23, 2008, 02:34 AM

Dear Friend,
Saving a relationship is up to the deeds. Your act , your behavior, your lifestyle depends a lot. Frankly speaking I want to tell you that you need not have to save a relationship. Relationship is well protected in the boundaries of the relation. If he tells you that he talks to a girl and you are afread that he might be in love with that girl. Then there is nothing to think of. Love and relation can't be bounded unless there is trust and faith in the two.. My advice to you is that you should act normally. If the Love was true to both of you that it won't be lost. May be its on a short time break. We people on earth have taken birth, which is unpreditable, the next comes your marriage ( I mean whether that would last of worn out) you can say that its is also unpreditable , so be happy with what you have. If you are in deeply love than there is nothing to do with your feeling. There comes helplessness, fustration, anger, and lots of things which you might be experiencing... Lastly Death is unpreditcable. So please try to think in between all there.. and live life in a broather way. And if you try I am sure that you will be very much happy . Sometimes in some situation you have to take life as it comes rather than thinking about it and ruining your peace..
God is there for al of you
God sees the truth but you have to be cool..
Please don't hesitate to ask me if you have anything.
With Love
Parth
[email protected]

Chery · Apr 23, 2008, 03:11 AM

Dear Jennifer.

This sounds to me like friendship with benefits that neither one of you are willing to 'define'.
I would take a real hard look at what is really keeping you from looking for someone who is willing to give you more than just that. If it is fear of testing the water and being rejected - it is far better than waiting on the sideline for scraps from him. If you can afford it, see a professional to help you get to know yourself, help you figure out how to set goals and to reach them because you are (and have been) in stasis too long. Start living, please, and take some risks in getting to know other people. It might be worth it.

Tell us all the things you love about this guy, and what exactly you don't want to give up..

Ask yourself - is he really worth it?

talaniman · Apr 23, 2008, 08:51 AM

I have a boyfriend that I have been on and off with for 12 years. I am 25 years old so is he.

That's an awful long time to be with someone. I'll bet neither of you knows where you ends, and he begins. Know that you both have grown up together, and now find yourselves (him) growing apart. At this point you definitely need boundaries, and honest communications, if you are going to work together to solve your issues. You may have a lot of history together, but that surely doesn't mean putting up with bad behavior, just to save this relationship. Stand up for yourself, express yourself, and love yourself. Let the chips fall where they may, as you have no control over what he does. You can say where you draw the line, and where you stop putting up with bad, disrespectful behavior, from him. Much Luck.

jenniferlup · Apr 23, 2008, 11:09 AM

Thank you everyone. We have decided to work on things. I have to learn to give him his own space and stop suffocating him. He wants us to be happy and so do I. So we will see how it goes. Wish me luck..

Chery · Apr 23, 2008, 11:29 AM

Dear, I wish you the best of luck and hope you get what you want.

Just don't forget that while giving him 'his' space, don't spend the time in your 'space' thinking only about him and neglecting yourself. Find something that you enjoy doing during this time and have some fun. As Tal said, you have no control over him, but you do have control over what you do to achieve a happy place for yourself in this world.

If you don't want to share what is so great about him with us, try at least to write all his qualities down in a diary, and while you are at it, write down some of YOUR qualities as well. You are just as special as everyone else and worth it.

Hope to hear from you again soon.

jenniferlup · Apr 23, 2008, 11:50 AM

Thank you so much Chery. I plan I doing a lot of stuff for myself. Take Care.

candy abi · Oct 1, 2008, 07:53 PM

As I always say what will be will be... but you really need to be careful because seeing that you all going tru a ruf patch, the grass may seem briter on the other side so keep a close eye on that relationship that is developing with the new girl. Sometimes guys tend to be open about new relationships to distract you from thinking its more than a friendship take your time and work things out