[tnicholas12]

I'm a new member, so I'm not exactly sure as to how this works but it wouldn't hurt to see other perspectives.

My girlfriend wants to break up once college arrives. Reason being? She doesn't want to get tied down once college comes by. She wanted to tell me now because when the day does arrive, we'd be somewhat ready for what comes.

We're seniors in high school. She's on that line of very religious and somewhat religious. We've met in church. She's a really awesome person. Genuinely nice, loves people, and has this kid side to her that I've seen a few girls have. Well the description is very biased so don't let that influence the responses.

I told her that I support her fully because I do want what's best for her. But I might have had a hard time doing so because a tear drop fell from my face the same time I said it and that isn't going to help her in any way. I'm her first boyfriend and she is my first girlfriend. We're best friends. Do I feel this way because she's my first?

I've always wanted to wait tntil college until I actually dated anyone so I would avoid something like this happening. However, when she came along, I just thought that if I had waited tntil college, then I would have missed on an opportunity. I still regret nothing. She asked if I wanted to break up with her now or continue dating so that we can cherish every moment until then.

It sounded sketchy to me because it feels like we're both leading each other on. I've never held back anything in the relationship. But should I continue you to do so if it might not be anything more? She also says we should stay best friends once college hits. How will I manage that without defeating the purpose of the break up?

I understand that break ups doesn't always stereotypical be nasty. This one is more of a compromise. I waited 18 years tntil I had a girlfriend. I wouldn't mind a couple more or maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that I can? I was hoping to win her back after college but that's quite the stretch. I've always wanted to do what's best for her. I remember this one time telling her that I don't want to be the most important person in her life, but to be the one that shows her the importance of life. Here is one of those important matters: Following her dreams freely.

I'm open to harsh criticism because after all, it just means you didn't come here to sympathize. But to actually give me an honest perspective of someone that is unbiased. What would you do if you were under that situation? Thanks in advance.

[Wondergirl]

I just don't get this break-up stuff. I had dated a guy during junior and senior years of high school, during which time he went off to a two-year ag school. We agreed we would date others but when he came home on weekends or for holidays, we would date. If either of us found someone else meanwhile, we would be honest about it and let the other one know.

He finished his two-year ag school and came home, and then it was my turn to go off to college. We had the same deal. I dated; he dated, but we always got together when I came home for holidays. We did this for six years without a problem. It turned out we didn't marry, but that's another story.

So why can't you do something like that -- allow each other to date, but then connect when you're at home together?

[tnicholas12]

Relationship weren't meant to be made easy. In theory probably, reality? Well lets just say no relationship is perfect.

Well I don't think she is going to college to date anyone to be honest. She wants to chase her dreams freely without having that constant that of "would this be right?" We're all flirtatious at heart and no doubt made to be sexual creature. But that just comes with being human and with that said, we don't often get to choose who we like. Our emotions tend to be predominant sometimes.

Because we date wanting to have a relationship. You can't date someone else and be together on the "weekends." To me that seams casual anyway.

[Wondergirl]

Because we date wanting to have a relationship. You can't date someone else and be together on the "weekends." To me that seams casual anyway.

Yup, we had six years of a "casual" relationship -- dating on weekends or more likely on holidays when one of us came home from college. And that was back when rocks were cooling, when no one had cell phones or computers, long-distance calling was much too expensive, so we wrote letters to each other. And we pulled it off for six years!

The minute she walks on campus, the freshman guys are going to be checking her out. (Oh, and I won't mention the upperclassmen.) She'll be asked out before she gets her stuff unpacked. Are you going to stand in her way of having fun meeting guys and going out on dates?

[tnicholas12]

That's interesting. I was actually planning to write letters because I don't want to contact her via Facebook. It might promote addiction. So do you have any extra details on how you were able to pull it off for 6 years?

Well right now the idea of her seeing other people is kind of odd cause well, we're still dating. So that's normal. I won't be able to tell before then. But like I said, I do love her. And with that said, what's best for her is what I want. My idea for now is to write letters to each other and if finance isn't too much of an issue, then maybe we can see each other for holidays or over the summer.

She's going to college to chase her dreams. Not really to date. But if that does happen, which it likely will and if it makes her happy, I'm all for it. She's a strong person and I'm not her father, what she does is within her choice and I'm sure knowing her, she'll make pretty good ones.

Oh and once again thank you for taking the time to reply.

[Wondergirl]

How long have you two been going together, and how long since you've stopped dating anyone else?

We pulled it off because no other person that either of us met or dated had whatever it was we found in each other.

Write to her twice a week, maybe on Monday and on Thursday. Send newsy letters, cute cards, funny cards, maybe a CARE package now and then, postcards, drawings, an interesting clipping now and then, a pressed flower, whatever. The best time of day in college is going to your mailbox and finding something there from someone you love.

[tnicholas12]

I'm going to keep time under secrecy because I feel as if it would greatly influence your responses. As for the second question, If I'm right I've already mentioned it within the original post. We haven't dated anyone else.

That's adorable. I'm glad it worked out for you in that scenario.

Write twice a week? Don't I have to wait for her letter to come first so I'll be able to reply? Wouldn't it take at least a week or so until mail delivers? We've sent letter before and it seam like forever until it arrived. And that is true. The feeling of being cared for is comforting.

So meeting on certain occasion as well as writing to each other was all it took to keep the connection? (I'm not implying that that isn't a lot. Just curious of there were anymore specific details).

[Wondergirl]

There is absolutely no reason to wait for her response after you send a letter. You send something on Monday and again on Thursday. Be clever, vary what you send, keep letters fairly short and newsy without going into pages of how much you miss her, shop for and send cute cards with puppies and kittens on them, funny ones, sweet ones that will make her say "Awwwwww!"

You are going to be like clockwork, with two mailings a week.

His college was in the same state where we lived so he was able to come home on some weekends. When I was in college, I came home at T'giving, Christmas, and Easter, and worked at college all summer with two weeks at home. We learned to appreciate each other and the limited time we had together. Absence made the heart grow fonder.

[martinizing2]

When I was your age (the solar system was almost formed) and an "older" person told me that I was on the verge of discovering how little I actually did know and how limited my life experiences were , I just figured he didn't know me ( I was educated and street smart. And had been with a lot of females and was far wiser than he could ever know) .

Now it is your turn to start finding out you are just beginning to learn about love, life, and the tribulations and pain we all go through as we learn.

It is true, what does not kill you makes you stronger. But sometimes the killing would seem preferable.

Take your mind off her by getting to know other girls. You may discover that there are many others out there you will grow to like even more.

How do you know what you want unless you try them all?

I know it is confusing and painful. I know too it will pass and concentrating on you and your needs and letting her go is what you need to do.

Check out the "NC " (no contact) sticky and do that. Forget the friends thing and you will not win her back . It sounds harsh because it is. But it is also the truth.

When a female says they "need space" want to separate , want to be alone... the relationship is over. They don't want to hurt you so they will not admit it is over to spare your feelings which strings you along and make it worse. Seems to be a basic of male/female interactions .

Keep busy, keep away from her, find what will make you happier than she seems to.

It is out there.

[mmresd]

She is not ready for a committed relationship. This is your choice completely. She has already told you that this will only last to a maximum number of days till the days she leaves to college. She wants to experience things it seems like, along with being with other people. So, it leaves you two options. You can either choose to end the relationship now, thank her for the memories, and start moving on now. Or, you can decide to stick around waiting for doom's day and then let the break up be even worse then. Her mind seems pretty decided so I don't think that trying to "fix" things with her would be a good idea.

[talaniman]

I have to tell you guy, you both should let each other go, and give full attention to your lives and dreams. A clean break allows healing, and closure through acceptance, and the freedom to explore fully other options, and opportunities, without guilt or shame.

Just because you are each others first, rest assured there will be 2nd, 3rds... and many more. At least you will have great memories of good times to tell your grand kids.

Do try to force it.

[purpleperson]

Hey tnicholas12:

Can you give us an update on your original situation? Did you break up with your girlfriend ?