[jb43089]

I will try and sum this all up

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 10 months, and I have never been happier. She is the perfect girlfriend and up until now we have had an amazing relationship. We never fight, we have only had great times together, we can just have a couch and a TV and that is all we need, we just enjoy each other. She is going away to school in the fall about 4 hours away ( I go to a local university and am 2.5 yrs older than she is) and she feels that she needs a break from now (middle of july) through most of the fall semester to adjust to her new life at college then get back together with me. We both agreed that we will still talk to each other often but not ness. Be a "couple" until mid-semester or the winter break. Her schedule this fall is insane, 6 science classes with one lab, and she plays a sport which has practice from 5p-midnight 5 days a week and every other Saturday, she told me she feels that she won't have time to make me happy. She told me she wants me to be a "long term boyfriend" and that she is in love with me. She tells me that this break will help make us stronger in the long run. She even sent me a text telling me she wants to fast forward to when this break is over. What confuses me about this entire thing is how she told me it was OK for me to see other girls while we are on this break. I just am not sure that is something girls throw around without meaning to maybe test the waters themselves. I believe that she really wants to make this work, but I am also concerned that she wants to just have a good time too without a commitment to a boyfriend. I did ask her if that was why she wanted the break, and she said that had nothing to do with it. I guess I am just not sure how to handle all of this.

The break is 4 weeks old and I feel like I haven't seen her in a year. I really miss the hell out of her and so far it has been tough just to get through on a daily basis. I have dated several girls before, and she is just very different and has been perfect inside and out. I guess I just need some advice in how to get through this tough time and try and make the best out of it. I have a lot of things in my own life, friends, play a college sport, have a job so I can keep myself busy, but I just don't know how to go about this, do I go out and flirt with girls and get myself out there again, or do I just focus on my sport, job, and friends and hope she means it when she says she wants to get back together after the semester?

[Wondergirl]

Why do you two need a "break" now? She hasn't even left for school yet.

I'm guessing she's thinking she will be meeting all sorts of new people (including guys). Some of those guys might just ask her out, and she will want to go out with them. (That's what you do as an unattached freshman female.)

She doesn't want to write you a "Dear John" letter then, or "get permission" from you to date, would rather make the break now in person, which she has done. Of course, if no one asks her out after she's been at school for a few months (until winter break), she will have you waiting breathlessly for her, so she can "unbreak" things when she comes home. For her, it's win-win all the way. This "break" idea is a great thing!

First of all, there didn't have to be a "break" in the first place. My long-time boyfriend and I agreed, when each of us went off to college, to be free to date with no excuses or tears or pleading or recriminations. That worked out perfectly fine. We each knew we were going to meet lots of people and would want to go out with them. If our love was true and meant to last, it would survive college dating.

Second, asking for a "break" now is her way of keeping you on a leash just in case she still wants you when she comes home for winter break. If she still wants you, great! You'll be waiting for her. In the event she doesn't want you, she can much more easily cut you loose. She owns the leash and has all the power.

Third, she's been thinking about this for quite a while and has had time to get used to the idea of you not being in her life. She has a lot to look forward to, and you won't be in the picture. This "break" thing was new information to you and blindsided you. She not only owns the leash, she has the advantage of foreknowledge and becoming comfortable with it and "no jb43089" in her life.

My advice is to cut the leash and take back your power. Do NC and focus on a job, sports, homework, friends, and getting your life back. I wouldn't even respond if she contacts you. And how long has it been since you've been with her? -- and she's still in town. She must be one busy young lady!

P.S. I'm female. I know how this works. Trust me.

[lifeistough75]

I am afraid I agree with wondergirl. I think the relationship may have been perfect, but your girlfriend is looking for greener pastures, and feels that there will be plenty of opportunity for her to meet new people. The break part is strange to begin with, but you combine that with the fact that she has specifically told you that you can go out with other girls, this is usually a troubling sign in the relationship. In a normal, happy relationship, I doubt if a girl would ever say that. I would do what wondergirl suggest. Take control of your life, break it off, and go NC. It is much easier said than done. Good luck.