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neginisme · Jun 27, 2015, 02:32 PM

There's this guy who is like a year or 2 older than me and he's been such a good friend since I've known him. Recently he's told one of my friends he's like to date me and this is where I need help. My problem (which I am going to talk to him about it eventually) is that if this whole relationship thing doesn't work out I'm going to lose him as a friend too, and I don't want that to happen because he's like a best friend to me, and I know when I tell him all this stuff he'd be like no we're going to be together forever and I'm never ever going to break your heart and all this stuff which honestly is not believable at first because I've learned that it is TIME that proves ppl's royalty not the promises they make.

Plus I don't like him like that if you know what I mean. I like him as a dear friend or like a brother. Also other part of me wants to give it a try
I'm going to stop right here.

So what do you think? Should I give it a chance?

talaniman · Jun 27, 2015, 03:00 PM

A lot depends on your ages in my opinion, but also your honesty. Hard to mix romance and friendship as tempting as it is since obviously his feelings are very different than yours. You seem more mature than him or at least more practical and realistic.

I might be more helpful if you tell me your ages though.

neginisme · Jun 27, 2015, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

A lot depends on your ages in my opinion, but also your honesty. Hard to mix romance and friendship as tempting as it is since obviously his feelings are very different than yours. You seem more mature than him or at least more practical and realistic.

I might be more helpful if you tell me your ages though.

First thank u for stopping by I really appreciate it.
OK I'm 18 and he is 20.

talaniman · Jun 27, 2015, 04:43 PM

I seldom recommend dating and romance when one of you doesn't have that feeling of attraction from the beginning, and think it better you stay friends and hangout buddies but is that fair to him that is already smitten? Naw, I really don't think so.

I still respect those that rejected my intentions because they didn't feel it, and didn't want to lead me on with false hope. If he is mature enough to understand and respect your feelings then he will value the friendship with no expectation of more. IF he is a true friend. If NOT, maybe you need to know that too.

Start honest, stay honest, and keep it real, especially YOURSELF. Why would you even take a chance knowing he is like a brother in the first place? Just asking. I haven't seen many who go back to just friends after failing at romance, and not get hurt. He may still need time and space to wrap his head around just friends, because he is chasing love, and you are the target.

Honestly, I think this friendship has ALREADY changed. What should you do? I don't know, just be careful. Stay friends until you figure it out for yourself. NO Friends With Benefits either!

What if YOU meet someone you WANT to date?

neginisme · Jun 28, 2015, 02:23 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I seldom recommend dating and romance when one of you doesn't have that feeling of attraction from the beginning, and think it better you stay friends and hangout buddies but is that fair to him that is already smitten? Naw, I really don't think so.

I still respect those that rejected my intentions because they didn't feel it, and didn't want to lead me on with false hope. If he is mature enough to understand and respect your feelings then he will value the friendship with no expectation of more. IF he is a true friend. If NOT, maybe you need to know that too.

Start honest, stay honest, and keep it real, especially YOURSELF. Why would you even take a chance knowing he is like a brother in the first place? Just asking. I haven't seen many who go back to just friends after failing at romance, and not get hurt. He may still need time and space to wrap his head around just friends, because he is chasing love, and you are the target.

Honestly, I think this friendship has ALREADY changed. What should you do? I don't know, just be careful. Stay friends until you figure it out for yourself. NO Friends With Benefits either!

What if YOU meet someone you WANT to date?

Thank you for your help
I think you're right.I should keep the friendship until I figure out what this is
After all, I know MUCH much more about friendship than I do about relationships
YesS I think I'm going to do that
Thanks again
And about that last Question...
I don't know I think I would have done what he did... talk to a mutual bestie about it
I don't know maybe hang out more w him so I know more about my feelings for him you know to make sure my feelings for him are true...

Fr_Chuck · Jun 28, 2015, 03:23 AM

And he is 20? He tells a friend, and they tell you? Sounds so jr high. But this is an issue, where friends can and often do confuse friendship with other emotions. The answer as you have gotten it, unless both of you feel the same way it is not going to work. And seldom do you stay friends, esp close friends after dating. I have been lucky, anyone I dated I was able to become friends again, (after a year or two had passed) but never close friends.

talaniman · Jun 28, 2015, 02:22 PM

Talaniman Rule-Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

In other words date for fun with no preconceived romantic notions or expectations. I suspect you don't date much at all. It's easy to be tempted when the choices for dates are slim, and narrow.

Dates are for having fun getting to know someone and let them know you (AND you learn much about YOURSELF!). You may as well have fun while waiting for that special romance to come into your life. What better way to make friends and learn about relationships, and people?