[Fluffiest]

Hi, everyone. I was hoping you guys could help me out. A few years ago, I met a guy who instantly became a close friend. He had an incredible sense of humor, was nice, gentleman like, was easy to talk to, and I felt very close to him... almost as though he was my brother.

People with us at work used to continuously tease me about the possibility of their being a romantic relationship between us, but I always shrugged it off. I never really got that feeling from him, especially since I wasn't the only close female friend to him. And though I loved the person he was, I was never attracted to him physically.

Anyway, he got a job out of town, where he's been for 2 years, and he came home this last Christmas and confessed that he has feelings for me. I became a nervous wreck immediately. He wanted a relationship and I wanted his friendship and knew that if I rejected him I might be stopping any chances we had. I made it clear to him that I think of him as friend and he told me that we lose nothing by giving this relationship a chance. I tried to get out of it but finally gave in... partially because he is almost everything I ever wanted in a person.

We've been together for a bit now, mostly long distance because he went back to work.But I don't know how I feel... I feel pressured by all our common friends, I feel pressured by the fact that I don't want to hurt him, and I still don't feel attracted to him and the distance isn't helping. When I'm with him I am happy, but not in the way one would expect in a relationship... I feel the comfort of sitting with my brother or a best friends. I feel that I'm not giving this relationship a fair chance because I keep obsessing over how it could fail, when in fact maybe it won't. BUT I CAN'T STOP MYSELF! What should I do?

[talaniman]

I see a clear lack of honesty.

He wanted a relationship and I wanted his friendship and knew that if I rejected him I might be stopping any chances we had

Chance at what? More friendship? He seems to know what he wants, but its you who don't. WHY? Clearly you say he is everything you want, in a FRIEND, or BROTHER, as person, but its also clear you are so afraid of losing that what YOU want, that you have caved to keep it.

So its simple really, you must be honest, and deal with the conflicting interests of all others including him. Yes it will change things because you will no longer have his exclusive interests, or attention, nor should you, as just as you have to accept he find his happiness, then you also have to accept that you must adjust your thinking to allow him too.

So just be honest, you don't want romance, just friendship, and allow plenty of room for him to adjust his thinking, and do his thing. Part of the problem here is you holding onto something, that conflicts with what's the right thing to do.

Do the right thing for yourself, and for him, since he is a friend that you value. Set him free, and stop wrapping your life around the idea of keeping him in your life as a friend, when you know how selfish that is.

Be honest, with yourself first, and him NOW!! You have to see that YOU may not get things as you want them. SORRY.

[thegreatestviz]

I agree with talaniman. Be a bit more honest about your feelings and what needs to be done should be done fast before you both end up being more hurt than necessary. Don't stay in a relationship because you HAVE to, do it if you really want to. And if you are going to break it to him be gentle please as I hope you want to keep the friendship.

[geminichick]

Do you want to be miserable all you life or be happy and honest. If I was in your shoes I would tell him exactly how you feel. If you have to, write out what you have to say before you say it. Believe me, you will feel much better once you have cleared the air. It's not fair to him to lie to him because you are afraid of hurting his feelings. If it hurts his feelings that you don't want to be with him, that's a chance you will just have to take. Good luck!

[mmresd]

Two options, either you just don't think anything could possibly come out of this and decide to be a good friend, stop leading him on, and tell him the truth about your feelings for him. Or, you can give it a legitimate shot at being in a relationship with him, but only if you see any chance whatsoever of being a good a successful couple.