[KeyNozomi]

I think ill just try to sleep now... not doing anything useful by staying up worrying..

[KeyNozomi]

I don't know if I can do this much longer... some girls trying to chat him up.

[Wondergirl]

I don't know if I can do this much longer...some girls trying to chat him up.

What are you doing on FB?? You are supposed to be busy with other stuff and not spying on him. If you don't stop, I'm going to have to stand up and come over there!!

[talaniman]

I pick up a few things about you, and what's telling, your under current of resentment that he dares have other things besides you to do, your insecurity, and a far amount of neediness, that may well come of as controlling.

While I feel for your situation, I am lousy at feeling pity, when maybe the point of this whole exercise is learning some discipline, and self control, over your own feelings, and personal issues.

Not to be harsh, but I know its blunt, but his Facebook is none of your business any more, and off limits. Think of that when you want to check up on him.

[KeyNozomi]

It was an accident >_< Had to restart my browser because it froze and fb is my homepage.
Disappointed in myself because I broke NC to ask him if I could ask a question that I wasn't sure would overstep any current boundaries and he read my mind and said she was just a weird friend.

Asked him if he wanted to go to lunch Friday and he said he wasn't ready. That the last few day's he hasn't gotten any sleep because there's a storm inside him that isn't calming, that he isn't sure who will come out of the storm. That I should assume that he's fighting his battles, he's been sad and depressed the last few days... he apologized for being dramatic about it but he has to take the path he's on regardless of where he ends up.

I told him that I didn't expect him to be my boyfriend again by Friday, that I just wanted to hang out and take it slow and that I support him...

He doesn't want to take anything slow or fast and I'd understand if I lived in his house and heard nothing but his parents yelling in his sleep. He said he'd figure it out but for now I should keep doing what I'm doing (piano and stuff, hanging out with friends) because he doesn't know how long it will take. That he misses me and been so sad and told me to not think I don't care because he does..

Right now I just really want to be there to support him... Helping him get back on his feet and through this "battle" is all I want to do. I think that outweighs my desire to get back together. I know he needs someone right now but should I slip back into NC and wait until he comes to me for help? Our relationship was only a fraction of the reason he wanted a break, I'm now seeing..

[talaniman]

Leave the guy alone, let him fight his battles, and you fight your own. His words and actions are very clear.

He said he'd figure it out but for now I should keep doing what I'm doing (piano and stuff, hanging out with friends) because he doesn't know how long it will take.

VERY CLEAR!!

[KeyNozomi]

It's been two days since I last looked at his profile or talked to him. Not going to lie and say it's been an easy two days though.. After my last post I didn't get on Facebook in general for 5 hours straight and even now I'm not on it as often. I don't snoop back to see if he posts anything and I'm leaving him alone.

So... time update:
Two Days since we haven't chatted, 5 days since I last heard his voice, 5 days since the break, and 11 since I last saw him.
I hope he's fighting his battles and not distracting himself...

On Monday I decided that instead of staying home and moping I'd go with my sister and some other people to the lake to watch fireworks. There were 10 people total in our group (8 girls, 2 guys. 2 couples) and I guess I knew all of them in some shape or form except one of the girls boyfriends. A couple of the girls were ones who completely annoyed me, being loud and obnoxious... a few of them decided to sing this Katy Perry (I guess) song Fireworks at the top of their lungs and I was glad it was dark.
It went okay. Not much talking (we played some game called Flux that my friend Em brought) but then again I don't think I would have talked much anyway. We could see about 7 different fireworks shows from our spot, which was cool, but it didn't hold a candle to the 4th I spent with CP last year. We were right under the fireworks then (they were so loud) sitting on top of his monster of a car and (not to be mushy) holding hands. I really liked last year... I didn't cry remembering it though. I think I tried to drag some of the happiness of the time into the present.

********bleh typos. I had to go to class so saved what I wrote in a word document, finished writing what I wanted to say, and apparently the quotes and stuff didn't transfer right... ********

"I really needed him before the fireworks show, though I didn't try to contact him. The water hose in the back somehow split which made my dad (who's german and has quite a temper) pissed off which transferred into anger at me for "watering the plants wrong" and unintentionally "getting water from the split in the hose on the furniture outside" and I thought he was going to hit me. But I held back trying to get ahold of CP and handled it myself. I hope that by the weekend he'll have won the battle enough that he'll come back..

I've been reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus a lot and its really helped me to see how I can adjust the way I act and stop me from making so many mistakes like trying to help him when he's withdrawing into his "cave". I'm about a third of the way through."



Edited/T

[Wondergirl]

It's been two days since I last looked at his profile or talked to him. Not going to lie and say it's been an easy two days though.

No one said it would be easy. One day at a time. Keep on keeping on. NC. We're here for you.

It's the apostrophes and quote marks that don't travel well from Word to an Internet site. Thanks for cleaning it up in another post.

[KeyNozomi]

Still doing NC, still no change from him. I'm going out again tonight, this time with my Japanese Class after finals. I'm really looking forward to it.

Wished our friend G (who talked to me a little and gave some advice when the break first happened) a happy birthday today on fb. His comment was "Thank you very much Key, I hope things are working out with what we talked about." It made me feel better that someone still cared what was going on. Also, I looked on his wall and he's responded to EVERY birthday wish except for CP's (wishing him a happy birthday and wanting to know if he'd like to do something after CP got off at 6) which was posted a couple minutes after mine. I'm a little confused as to why he didn't respond to CP as well..

I know they're really good friends, can anyone tell me why he might do this? Is it his way of showing disapproval for the break? Or do you think he just happened to miss the ONE birthday wish?

I don't want to put a rut between them..

[talaniman]

We are not psychics and that's a question for someone else to answer. But I have to say that your version of NO CONTACT could use some improvement. A lot! Like stop the Social Page stalking for information, and hope.

You see how it sends your mind into the confusion of useless questions, assumptions, and speculations?

Stop it!

[KeyNozomi]

Yes, sir Tal. I admit my stupidity and am stopping that completely..
And I know this may be a stupid question (answer will probably NC NC NC!)but since he originally said a week should I say something today or on Monday (since I last talked to him on Monday)? Should I give it another week of no Facebook at all (even though since his phone was stolen that's the only way he could get in touch with me)? Or should I just keep waiting until he decides to come back?

I've been doing pretty well I think, only cried once today watching this . It broke my heart and made me smile at the same time.. Last night I went to eat Japanese food with my class after our final... It was really fun and I think I smiled the entire time ^^. My sister and I ended up getting a comped Tonkatsu appetizer at the first restaurant we went to because the power went out, then we went to a different restaurant and had Salad, Miso, sushi and Green Tea IceCream. I even convinced some to have some eel sushi (he's never had anything but Mexican food). I did mention my boyfriend (should I put a question mark after that? Ex seems more final that a break, and trying to explain the whole thing would take too much time) because one of the girls was saying she realllyyy wanted to learn how to cook Japanese food and I told her that for Valentine's Day I made eel for my boyfriend and that I'd really like to learn how to make curry or gyouza from his grandmother (who is Japanese).

The only thing I kind of disliked about last night was that my japanese teacher invited his girlfriend along and she kind of horrified me. When she walked in I honestly thought it was some drunk woman who'd gotten lost or something but then she made a beeline for our table. She slurred a lot, and to my horror after finding out my sister and I are twins decided to inform us that most men's fantasy is having twins. It made me feel sick >_< anyway, she was distracted so thankfully didn't talk to us long before blubbering on to other people. Also, my sister ended up backing into a truck she apparently didn't see right behind us..
I didn't realize until on the way home but during that time I didn't think about him very much.. I still miss him though. Still waiting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eZ1q6qWjvc guy singing Elvis' "Dear are you Lonesome Tonight" >_< I don't know why it didn't transfer over...

[Wondergirl]

YouTube - &#x202a;Damian Mcginty - Are You Lonesome Tonight&#x202c;&rlm; guy singing Elvis' "Dear are you Lonesome Tonight"

Gee, let's find ways to make ourselves miserable. How about listening to soul-wrenching music?

Go to YouTube and watch the movie "Green Pastures."

[KeyNozomi]

Ah it didn't really make me miserable. Saw it on a show called the Glee Project. The guy, Damian Mcqinty, in the episode felt like his biggest vulnerability was being "numb" and he listened to the song after being assigned to sing it and broke down. He said that it made him feel like he's never felt; apparently at some point during his life he had had to choose between the love of his life and his career as a celtic singer. Him singing the song and knowing that story is what made me cry.
It made me more smile fondly on old memories I think.
And I'll watch the movie.

How much longer should I leave him be?

[Wondergirl]

Continue NC. If he wants you back, he will contact you to tell you that.

[KeyNozomi]

I feel like I'm back at square one... I miss him.. he seems perfectly fine. He said a week a week ago and I feel like he's working NC on me. I feel weak and I don't want to be...

[Wondergirl]

This is his party, not yours. He made the break, not you. He calls the shots, not you. He contacts you to reunite, you don't contact him. He doesn't suffer, you do.

[KeyNozomi]

Thank you..

[KeyNozomi]

I feel so pathetic... Can't even go 5 days not talking to him without breaking down..

[Wondergirl]

I feel so pathetic... Can't even go 5 days not talking to him without breaking down..

You talked to him?

[KeyNozomi]

No, didn't talk to him. Almost told his friend what I just posted, but put it here instead..