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coruzzi2 · Mar 9, 2010, 08:04 PM

Okay so, I feel I've been single for too long. I want a boyfriend. Have for months and months. The last like 4 guys I tried getting to know and dating and liking ended up screwing me over after we hook up. I didn't want to believe that that's the typical guy like people say. But I'm convinced. I've been really hurt by this and feel like a fool. I've been mislead, and used up and then thrown away.
After the fourth guy in a row that did this to me, (took me out, lead me on, called me babe, texted me all the time, even bought me roses, hooked up with me.. and the end.. then its "i dont want a relationship") jerks..
So I started talking to this guy from high school who I knew of but never talked to. Same thing with me for him... he found me on myspace and said hey I remember you.. we talked for a little via myspace.. and soon ended up talking via text. After a few months of talking here and there through text, we started hitting it off pretty well.. getting to know each other personally, and he texted me like everyy day from beginning to end. From when we woke up, until bed time again. Never failed. It got to the point where not one hour, let alone one day went by without us texting. Yet we still have never hung out. This was at first because I was worried about him because in high school he came off as a tool. Shy and modest, but by who he hung out with, came off as one of them.. a tool. Also, he now goes to the same college as me, and is in a fraternity. Party boy stereotype that gets around. Ugh. So I kept distance, but after being hurt from the last one, I gave him a shot, almost as a rebound.. but ended up liking him and the way he talked to me. He calls me babe.. and compliments me all the time. Told me he likes me and its cool how we can like each other just from talking, but really was dyyinngg to hangout with me. Finally, just recently, after about 3 weeks of talking all day every day.. we hung out. I didn't want to do anything more than kiss with him yet because I was still a litlle iffy. He knew about what guys did to me in the past and always apologized for how it keeps happening to me.. when we hung out though, things got a little heated because I'm soooo physically attracted to him, We didn't have sex, I'm actually a virgin still. He knows this, but we did play around a bit. The next day, what a coincidence, was the FIRST day that he didn't text me first thing. This wouldn't usually upset me... but of all days,. I was really upset and thinking not again! :( later in the afternoon I texted him, and we talked.. but he was taking a while to respond, and the responses were very bland and quick. The next day.. same thing.. but I didn't text him this time.. he texted me later in the afternoon saying hey. We talked.. barely.. I finally wrote " okay u know u dont have to talk to me anymore if you dont want to" because I felt like he was just barely talking to me just to prove himself "different" and gradually stop talking to me, to cover himself. Plus because he knows how guys keep doing that to me. Is response was ? I said well I don't want you to feel pressured because of what I told you guys keep doing to me so tell me what you want. Id rather him tell me now, so I can move on. He said "im still here" for some reason that wasn't too reasurring.. guys it already hurts and I feel dumb :( I'm sick of this feeling. And I reallyyy liked this one. Thought we had something with lots of potential... he even said things like he wants me to be all his and I drive him crazy and I'm perfect and amazing. Please tell me there's hope. I refuse to believe it because I'm trying so hard to avoid this ffeeling again.. he texted me today as well (day 3 after hook up) I didn't write back to see if hed care.. so far now.. its been almost a full day.. is he doing this to play it cool? Is there any hope? What should I do? I don't want to let this one go so easy.. I'm willing to fight for him,. but if he doesn't want me what can I do... please help

CarrotTalker · Mar 9, 2010, 08:26 PM

What exactly is "hooking up" to you, if you are still a "virgin"?

I am a little lost as to the best advice to give, so I will leave that to someone else.

Have you considered talking with a counselor at your schools health clinic to help you sort through what you are looking for in a boyfriend?

coruzzi2 · Mar 9, 2010, 08:28 PM

you know, like foreplay..
I've just never gone allll the way. Never had sex= virgin.

..

J. Sparks · Mar 10, 2010, 03:37 AM

Eventually if there is no sex most men will bail out, that's just how it is.
I'm 38 and as time moves too far on would probably just do the same.
It never used to be that way, but right now I'd rather make each day as happy, and fulfilling as possible.

For me, life is just seriously too damn short and there is hardly any time in the day, to waste on trivial worry or drama on how things are supposed to be, should be or ought to be.

Most men mainly will want sex first which may then enable them to open up and develop into love.
Women may want love first to feel attracted and secure enough to be open for sex.

So. . Take it for what it's worth, you said ;
"he's a fraternity. party boy stereotype that gets around . . ."

well, you probably called it right!
For his time invested you didn't put out and now he's probably "getting around" else where.

Just being frank that's all and even though you don't want to get hurt again, in life you can guarantee you'll get hurt. Whenever I get hurt I know I'm alive, I exist, I breathe in and out and I'm here on this earth. Just WOW !

Everyone gets hurt in the game of love.
So, when real "love" comes your way, you'll really know what makes it special and appreciate it that little extra more than you did since the last time you got hurt.

You took a dive, now take a bow, get up and dust yourself off!

(As for being a virgin, if you're happy and comfortable do it !
And if not then don't pressure nor worry yourself over it either.)

amicon · Mar 10, 2010, 04:02 AM

I don't think the two of you are on the same page,so let it go.

Date and get to know guys before you think'boyfriend'.

Romefalls19 · Mar 10, 2010, 06:07 AM

Date around, stop prospecting and just let things happen naturally. You are expecting too much, don't hook up so much and you might find that things work in your favor

talaniman · Mar 10, 2010, 06:31 AM

You really need to do more things in real life and leave Facebook, and texting alone.

Get out among real people, and do some real things.

mistyjane · Mar 10, 2010, 01:37 PM

I Remember when I was a virgin and you know what? It is beautiful!
Don't do it with any guy who's not even able to wait a little.
What was he thinking?
I think you should just move on he's not worth it.
Wait a little and you'll see there are many other guys out there.
This will help you to make the difference between the "party boy stereotype " and someone who's really interested in you.
Don't rush!Take it easy.

marcelina · Mar 10, 2010, 01:49 PM

Sweetie, you sound like me years ago. 1)You cannot make men you date pay for what previous men have done to you. That will doom a relationship before it ever starts. It is OK to share that you have been hurt, and get it out there that you are cautious because of it; then drop it. Don't keep reminding them of what you went through, he heard you and he will remember what you told him. 2)Be confident in yourself, what you have to offer. Know that you are an amazing person with or without a man. Confidence in a woman is one of the most attractive things to men... know that you are a wonderful person with a lot to offer. If someone doesn't realize that, it is their problem not yours. You deserve the best and settle for nothing less than that. 3)All women should "prescreen" men they date. Not openly but to yourself. If you are looking for a long term relationship then ask yourself when you meet a guy if you can see them being a long term person. Never make excuses for bad behavior but on the same hand don't over react if you don't hear from them every second of the day or if they make a mistake (small mistake, not talking about cheating, hitting, etc... more like forgetting to call at 4pm like they said) if this one doesn't turn out to be the one, then don't be down. You will find the right one, just stop looking...
Play it cool, and if he is the one for you either "right now" or forever you will figure it out... just remember the two of you are not in a serious relationship so him not texting is nothing something you have a right to be upset about. Brush it off... play it cool, go with the flow... and most importantly take care of yourself, do right by you and the rest will fall into place.

Picozi · Mar 10, 2010, 03:01 PM

Hey there..
Well guys doing this to you,is not to take personal.most of them ARE JERKS,and it takes a while to get and accept this sad fact.YET there are good guys out there,and for each of us there is that one who comes along at the right time(though we might not see that)yet it's very true.
Howerver,if he's gone cold,after hook up like u said,than it might be that he did use you..
Best way to find out is to ignore him as much as u can(you not answering his text is a good move!) keep going!
Make him work harder,like call you maybe?
Once you cut off,he realises he must make a move and there you go,either he'll come running,or you go running away.

BEST LUCK!

coruzzi2 · Mar 10, 2010, 04:14 PM

Originally Posted by marcelina

Sweetie, you sound like me years ago. 1)You cannot make men you date pay for what previous men have done to you. That will doom a relationship before it ever starts. It is ok to share that you have been hurt, and get it out there that you are cautious because of it; then drop it. Don't keep reminding them of what you went through, he heard you and he will remember what you told him. 2)Be confident in yourself, what you have to offer. Know that you are an amazing person with or without a man. Confidence in a woman is one of the most attractive things to men...know that you are a wonderful person with a lot to offer. If someone doesn't realize that, it is their problem not yours. You deserve the best and settle for nothing less than that. 3)All women should "prescreen" men they date. Not openly but to yourself. If you are looking for a long term relationship then ask yourself when you meet a guy if you can see them being a long term person. Never make excuses for bad behavior but on the same hand don't over react if you don't hear from them every second of the day or if they make a mistake (small mistake, not talking about cheating, hitting, etc ... more like forgetting to call at 4pm like they said) if this one doesn't turn out to be the one, then don't be down. You will find the right one, just stop looking ...
Play it cool, and if he is the one for you either "right now" or forever you will figure it out....just remember the two of you are not in a serious relationship so him not texting is nothing something you have a right to be upset about. Brush it off ... play it cool, go with the flow...and most importantly take care of yourself, do right by you and the rest will fall into place.

okay so about the whole not texting being no reason to be mad. Totally agree. I'm very chill about stuff like that. I just want to point out that isn't it quite a coincidence that he really slows down the texting the dayy after we hook up? Of all days. I still didn't get mad at him for it though.. because your right. Still. But the main conflict that caused here is, do I take his still texting, but just not nearly as much, as: a.) he wants to play it cool so he doesn't fall into the category of every other guy that did that to me. Or perhaps wants to keep me on the side for a random hook up when he so desires. Or b.) he still likes me.. and is interested in me and only me as a person still.. because why else would he put any effort in texting at all if not, right? And maybe the only reason he slowed it down a lot is just because he really wanted to see me in general, and he did. So there's nothing really to try so hard for anymore. Nothing else changed. This is what I keep hoping.. I feel like I'm not making excuses for him for doing "bad" but excuses on his favor, perhaps giving myself false hopes.

jaffeyjoeblaze · Mar 10, 2010, 04:50 PM

Don't give up the 'goodz' so quickly...

coruzzi2 · Mar 11, 2010, 10:09 PM

So this guy still texts me every day. Usuallly by noon, but done talking due to him not writing back at random by 4pm... :/ I'm leaving it be, cause I know he's in miami now, and ill let him have his fun.. but the thing is, he still takes the effort to text me everyday, it just doesn't seem like he actually likes me anymore.. seems like casual friendship. But he must still like me. Just How can I change the vibe? What can I do to make him like me as more than a friend? Although I believe he must already. I just want what we had before we hooked up back. I want him to talk to me like that again. :( I miss it..
Let me put it this way: basically, I want him to " or get off the toilet" but how do I try to get him to ""
... as awkard as that question sounded.. you know what I mean. Please help

lea_09 · Mar 11, 2010, 10:45 PM

He takes effort to text you because you're always on his mind. It is spring break boys will be boys. Anyway, I think you should just talk to him as much as possible. Like play hard to get. You might have to make the first move like ask him if he wants to hang when he comes back. And see what he says because it shows you are interrested and he may be just afraid of being shot down. Why try if you are going to get shot down? Like prove he has a chance...

coruzzi2 · Mar 11, 2010, 11:02 PM

Originally Posted by lea_09

He takes effort to text you because you're always on his mind. It is spring break boys will be boys. Anyway, i think you should just talk to him as much as possible. Like play hard to get. You might have to make the first move like ask him if he wants to hang when he comes back. And see what he says because it shows you are interrested and he may be just afraid of being shot down. Why try if you are going to get shot down? Like prove he has a chance...

Thanks.. yeah that's pretty much what I've been doing..
Im confused on what your saying though, do I make some of the moves and go after him, or do I play hard to get?
But yes, I want to ask him to go out on a normal date.. like invite him to the movies or something.. because if he wanted to be just a hook up, why would he go on a date, if it wasn't like at his house? Ha
And I don't get it, he should very well know that he has a chance..
He pretty much already got me, and I'm still here.. what made that go away?

And lastly, if I'm always on his mind, then why does he stop texting me late in the afternoon everyday now,.
But I think your right, its cute because he pretty much texts me first thing in the morning.. on average he texts between 8:30 a.m and 11
That's a red flag right?

Larken85 · Mar 12, 2010, 02:48 AM

I don't think it is a red flag, I think other than that time he is out playing around down there. Busy if you will. I think you should ask him on a real date and make sure he knows it is a real date. Maybe it'll go somewhere, you never know. However I do have to say this, if that is really what you look like, on your advatar, I'd say he would be crazy to let you get away! You are... well OK I won't go there but he should think you are the hottest thing next to the sun lol. Anyway good luck and I hope you land your man.

kp2171 · Mar 12, 2010, 03:16 AM

Just to clarify and get the whole picture... is this guy the same guy from your recent post...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ts-456360.html

If so... we're going to end up merging threads probably... same guy same issue?

And/or does it tie into this past thread?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-420352.html

Just looking to understand the backstory a little more...

Glancing through, I'm not clear... did you actually have sex with this guy or is it still all the peripheral stuff, but not sex?

As for the red flag... its not enough to convict. If he's on spring break you know he is busy at night. You don't know with whom.

A girl I loved who cheated on me would always conveniently structure her call schedule when she went on certain trips... turned out that those were the trips when she was with another man.

But again... his calling before the madness starts... you can't prove anything there...

As for how to push the relationship foreword... well, different people have different needs and wants... so there's no one way to answer that. Completely depends on what he is looking for and what motivates him.

mistyjane · Mar 12, 2010, 05:28 AM

If it's that same guy in your other thread you need to put it all in same thread...
It makes it too hard to follow your storie.

Newguy2009 · Mar 12, 2010, 06:58 AM

Hes probably busy at night. I know, its miami, there's lots to do there. What is he doing? Who knows but don't dwell on that. If you like this guy then you should ask him out casually and see where things go. Don't act desperate though and don't text him 50 times a day. Wait till he messages you. Maybe tell him you are thinking about him and would like to hang out when he gets back. Keep it simple

coruzzi2 · Mar 12, 2010, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by Larken85

I don't think it is a red flag, I think other than that time he is out playin around down there. Busy if you will. I think you should ask him on a real date and make sure he knows it is a real date. maybe it'll go somewhere, you never know. However I do have to say this, if that is really what you look like, on your advatar, I'd say he would be crazy to let you get away! you are.... well ok I wont go there but he should think you are the hottest thing next to the sun lol. Anyways good luck and I hope you land your man.

Aww thank you! :)