[Imabadman]

Yeah and that is my fear, I believe i'm at the point with her that she will most likely ignore me if I do that. She has a new guy in her life and i've most likely been written off in her mind.. I honestly think despite her telling me she never wanted to talk to me ever again.. one day even if it's a year or more from now she will come around and tell me what she did was wrong. I think she knows that now but her actions are speaking louder then her just telling me that she is sorry. Best thing i've been doing is writing in a journal to myself.. i've stuck to NC completely.. no texts, no FB, no calls.. nothing. I have no idea what she is doing right now.

OK... so you made it 1 day. What do you say you set yourself a stretch goal... maybe a month? Think you can hold out a month?

[Aehs01]

OK... so you made it 1 day. What do you say you set yourself a stretch goal... maybe a month? Think you can hold out a month?

Oh.. well maybe reading my posts it seemed confusing. TODAY has been exactly a month since we last spoke.. I have been on straight NC for exactly a month today. I honestly can't say I feel a whole lot better because in the back of my mind I know she is with someone else and it really hurts to think about it but I also know there is nothing I can do about it..

What I hate most is I constantly put blame on myself, like what I could have done differently to save us from getting to this point. I don't think it should need to be this difficult though, she is still maturing and has little experience in the dating world. I hate it but it's almost that I need to accept that she wondered what dating other people would be like.

[Imabadman]

Good for you on the 1 month.

Don't blame yourself. Look at these as learning experiences and grow from them. You can't change her, control her or her decisions. BUT you can make yourself better.

Just keep away from her and keep improving yourself. It's her loss... I know a bit cheeky. But that's the way to look at it.

[Aehs01]

Good for you on the 1 month.

Don't blame yourself. Look at these as learning experiences and grow from them. You can't change her, control her or her decisions. BUT you can make yourself better.

Just keep away from her and keep improving yourself. It's her loss... I know a bit cheeky. But that's the way to look at it.

Yes, that is what I have been doing. I workout every day now and it has helped tremedously.. I have had a couple dates but know in the back of my mind because I still think about her all the time I'm not ready.. I'm just improving myself so I will be ready when the next good girl comes along.

[jmjoseph]

Were you rude and hateful to her? If so, you should apologize the next time you run into her. It never does anyone any good when you verbally assault someone else in anger. And it's just plain hateful.

You see, when you do that, you give them a reason to dislike you. As it stands, she is in the wrong.

I know she did you wrong, and she should be ashamed, but just chalk it up to experience. Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Be glad that you got paroled after only a 2 month sentence.

Let her make someone else miserable.

[Aehs01]

Were you rude and hateful to her? If so, you should apologize the next time you run into her. It never does anyone any good when you verbally assault someone else in anger. And it's just plain hateful.

You see, when you do that, you give them a reason to dislike you. As it stands, she is in the wrong.

I know she did you wrong, and she should be ashamed, but just chalk it up to experience. Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Be glad that you got paroled after only a 2 month sentence.

Let her make someone else miserable.

Well what I did was I wrote in an online journal to myself prior to a weekend a month ago.. like on a Wednesday. She had a bunch of stuff on her FB and in her away messages about going away to a hotel with this guy and I basically told myself I'd send her the message if she decided to actually go through with it.. being her last chance at some type of reconiliation. She blew it, we chatted on I'm and she went on about how pathetic she was.. how she slit her wrists and all this stuff.. I told her I wanted to tell her how I really felt.. not even being as angry as I was when I wrote what I did.. but I decided to just send it to her because I felt as though she needed to hear it. So I sent it and she didn't even try to throw anything in my face.. she pretty much tried to explain herself but knew what I said was true.. yet hurtful. She said "F you" and blocked me on IM and I have not heard anything since. Like my previous reply I did send her an e-mail the next morning telling her I didn't want it to end this way and I was sorry for telling her what I did because she made me feel very guilty.. I guess I should have expected that.

I have a feeling real apologies won't come until much later on.. What honestly scares me is to think maybe a year will go by and she could still be with this same guy.. it will make me feel like I was the problem.

[Imabadman]

It's over, all done. Put it and her behind you.

[followurheart]

I think you should feel a little bad about what you said. She must feel bad about how she handled things and should have handled them differently. But getting to your older post you need to put some of the blame on how you handled things as well. Telling her not to hang out with her ex or with someone she almost slept with seemed controlling. With her ex she was always being controlled so maybe she felt history repeating. And for actually being on here and spilling your situation to strangers isn't going to help anything. You call her immature. But your not any better. Your trying to hide from talking to her about these things. If you were mature you'd talk to her and wouldn't play these games of help me help desk. No one is going to have the answers besides you and her! So my answer is stop talking about me and you and our situation to other people (I believe I told you while we were dating I hated that about you that you couldn't figure things out on your own) and ing talk to me if you have something to say about it!!

[Imabadman]

Why talk to her? After reading both his threads and looking at his and her actions I'd say move on. Yeah... he probably didn't handle everything correctly. People say things they regret when they're emotional. Her on the other hand just chose to sleep with whom ever, where ever. That's real mature.

So again, what's to talk about? Other than a spoiled, selfish little girl with no morals or values.

[Telan]

Well first of all, I created a new user name. My ex posted in both my previous threads as 'follow your heart'

This was my first thread-
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ts-400627.html

I made this one months later-
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...up-414257.html

Well if you decided to read through the other two threads, more or less I'm at the point where I've followed all of the NC rules. No Facebook, no texting, no photo's, no contact of any kind since probably about sometime in January I believe.

Initially we had met on Okcupid.com, when we last spoke I had basically been browsing the site (had signed back up) and saw her on there.. it stirred up some emotions and I ended up using IM to contact her. She pretty much told me how little I seemed to mean to her and pretty much admitted the guy she had left me for she loved more then she did me.. this devastated me.. I attempted to call her to talk at the time and she was so disrespectful about the situation she wouldn't even pickup the phone for me and pretty much made it clear I was not all that important to her. I deleted myself on Okcupid for months because I couldn't stand thinking to see her on there looking for someone yet again. I decided to recently come back and try it again a couple months ago. I find she is no longer on the site again (I just assume she found yet someone else to be with) but last night I was browsing and she poped up.. again my emotions felt out of control and all today it's been on my mind just bothering me extensively.

I can already see a lot of the responses you guy's will give, I know it's dumb and pretty pathetic I'm even still not over this girl.. after everything that happened, how short the relationship was and everything associated with it.

Well over the past 6 months I've come to the conclusion that I have major issues when it comes to relationships, I allow most women I date or have dated to walk all over me. I pretty much define nice guy in a nutshell... I go to bars twice a week and typically have little to no luck with the women I meet.. I mostly hardly approach women and the women I have gone on dates with absolutely nothing has happened (probably gone on 6 or 7 dates in the past year) I exercised doing extremely difficult workout programs for more or less 6-7 months straight to boost my confidence, this has without a doubt helped as I look and feel much better but it just does not seem to be enough..

I just can't seem to shake this girl, even going out yesterday for father's day we went to a restaurant with my family. Last time I was there she came with us, it just happens she comes up in my mind no matter what I seem to do.

I get thoughts in my head of attempting to contact or meet up with this girl in person. Even though I know it's not ever going to be what it once was... it's like I have some hope in the back of my mind maybe this could work out somehow.. 3 times in the past month I've received these odd instant messages from her. One was a direct connect, usually for sending pictures, another was a bunch of | | | symbols at like 3am and then again just a '.' period. I know she has a laptop she leaves under the bed and a cat so I thought maybe they were just mistakes.. it just seemed so coincidental to happen 3 times when it was not happening at all months before. Granted I should probably block her, I didn't want to block her then give her some other means of thinking "why did he block me I wonder?" then really try to contact me... I don't know.

I guess reading over this, I don't know what to expect from all of this. During my initial NC I posted a lot in an online journal and made everything private only for my own eyes to just 'get out' what I was feeling and it seems to help and keep a burden off bothering my friends about the situation.. I decided to come post here instead of doing something dumb like trying to talk to her just like I did back in January.

I guess the bigger thing with me and relationships is I've dated many many women, mostly all shorter relationships, I've slept with and gone on many dates.. easily over 50 from online or in person.. most online (been using online dating for 7 years) and she is one of the only girls I've ever felt like this about. If you read my other threads, I talk about my first love.. this girl it took me 3 years to completely be over and just be 'ok' to talk to.. I've pretty much come to the conclusion I may be in the same situation with this girl...

I guess I don't know what I expect for replies if any at all.. I just kind of needed to get this out, maybe someone can share a similar experience. Am I doing the right thing? It kills me sometimes to just act like this person is literally 'dead' in my mind.. I mean in all reality I've tried so hard to stick to NC she could have died and I wouldn't have even known about it.

[MyBrainIsMyDrug]

You've been doing the right thing following NC, you've done a better job at it than me... I admire that... I came out of a situation where over the course of 8 years I tried working things out with a girl who was I guess my first "love" and I was the only guy she loved, 2 of the 4 times were in the past year... If I would've stuck with NC between the 3rd and 4th time I wouldn't have to endure any of this...

Basically without going on too much about my own situation... things will remind you of her, you'll miss her, it'll creep up on you at the most odd times even after you feel you've completey forgot about her... but you have to stay strong and remain NC, and if she ever comes crawling back for GODS SAKES Don't ACKNOWLEDGE HER... not even as a friend, I learned this all too well, since every time in my situation SHE came back to me and I had never tried to contact her, and we were 'friends' but that quickly reverted into a relationship... it just never works

If you read my other threads, I talk about my first love.. this girl it took me 3 years to completely be over and just be 'ok' to talk to.. I've pretty much come to the conclusion I may be in the same situation with this girl...

So stop yourself here, look at what you just said... your first love, and you may be in the same situation with this girl... stop and really think about that for a second here... That girl that it took 3 years to get over, eventually you DID get over her, why would you want to put yourself in that situation again? If anything by meeting this girl you proved that there is hope even after you had feelings like that for someone, you should know now that you can and will meet another person you love, whether it takes a month, 6 months or years, you will meet them... I wear my heart on my sleeve like you and tend to get deep into things fast, its nor a strength nor a weakness really its just part of who we are... but don't let it get the best of you... come on SIX months, do not ruin it now...

It kills me sometimes to just act like this person is literally 'dead' in my mind..

It's going to, but that person is basically dead to you, they have no part of your life and no bearing on what you do... It's the past to you now and you need to focus on yourself and your future and not care one bit about them... if you want a good reason why, re-read part of what you just said

She pretty much told me how little I seemed to mean to her and pretty much admitted the guy she had left me for she loved more then she did me.. this devastated me.. I attempted to call her to talk at the time and she was so disrespectful about the situation she wouldn't even pickup the phone for me and pretty much made it clear I was not all that important to her.

Why would you want to give your heart or any piece of mind to a person who ever acted like that to you?

I get thoughts in my head of attempting to contact or meet up with this girl in person. Even though I know it's not ever going to be what it once was... it's like I have some hope in the back of my mind maybe this could work out somehow..

Do not meet up with her, don't even attempt to try and see her... do not text/call/chat with her, nothing... that thought in your head is delusional because your grasping onto what once was... As I said I thought the same thing as you, 3 different times in 8 years after the first time we were together... It will NEVER work... what always happens is you get back together, your happy for that old familiarity for a little while and then things just collapse again and you remember why it didn't work the first time... do yourself a favour and stick to what you've been doing, forget her


Please take this from an OCD sufferer who went through so much emotional damage attempting four times with a girl who loves him and I love her back, the emotions real, but if things do not work they will not ever work... and having any type of contact, even years later, with someone you were like that with... will only lead to bad things, as in starting as friends then it jumping back into relationship mode and you getting hurt again... There are some people you keep out of your life forever for a reason, and this person happens to be one of those people to you... Your doing very good, keep going

[Telan]

Well you are spot on, I mean I've been going strong for this much time. Last time my emotions got stirred up I became weak and contacted her.. it made me feel so much worse after too. That's kind of why I came here. I just thought if I got out how I was feeling I'd be able to hold myself together this time around. All in all I'd like to think when I go on dates and hangout with new women I do not think about her, but when nothing happens there always still seems to be the thought of her being the last person I truly had any feelings with and had any strong emotions for. I'm going to continue what I've been doing and just hope it passes, thanks for the time reading through my post.

[Aehs01]

Well there was a reason I didn't want to merge these threads.. my ex reads them. I didn't even want to post here in the first place I just didn't know what else to do.

[talaniman]

Do what you said you would do, get on with your life, and stop worrying about your ex.

And lets be real here if we can, if you were worried so much about your ex reading what you have written, you wouldn't have referenced the other threads you had under another name.

The merging was not for you, but to give understanding and facts that are important to giving you the best, and most honest feedback possible. Thats what the site is about, and your last post, should clearly show you that its you that have been torturing and questioning yourself all this time.

It started as a control thing, using NC to force her to miss you, and reconcile with her. Of course that was doomed to fail, and it did. And when it did, you really got hurt by what she did about it. Geez, what did you expect? Now here we are with you dealing with the fallout of your actions, and trying to cope with those intense feelings that linger.

I highly suggest and hope, you start giving YOUR actions a lot of in depth thought before you act, because you are quite capable of acting on your feelings and following a very broken heart of your own making. But that's what true NC is about, YOU healing, and dealing with YOURSELF, so you can gain clarity of thought, and make better decisions for yourself, based on FACTS, and not just FEELINGS. That was your first mistake last year, thinking you could use NC to get her back, and gave no thought to the healing process. Just what you wanted.

You may be starting from scratch now, but see it as an opportunity to do it right, and have patience as you go through the healing process, so things WILL get better, instead of this undefined course of actions that have made this whole thing an unnecessary torture that you are perpetrating on yourself.

You CAN do better if your willing to take a few suggestions. That starts with reading the stickies at the beginning of this forum. It will help you heal the correct way, to not only get clarity of thought, but some insights on how to cope with your own feelings, in some very positive ways, so you can deal with the hard realities of life, that now blind you.

[Aehs01]

Thanks for the reply, I have read the stickies and I understand that I've made mistakes. I realize I can't keep living in the past and I can only move forward knowing what I've experienced and learn from it. I suspect I could be in this same situation one day again, a girl tries to break up with me. I understand how to handle the situation better next time around.

In the back of my mind I know this will pass because I HAVE been here before, I just know time heals so I'm going to continue to be patient and keep trying to stay positive.